i am shaken to the core

I cannot even begin to explain how upset I am about the loss of this amazing musician and human being. The death of celebrities is upsetting, but the members of DMB feel like family to me. I really am at a loss for words for a very different reason tonite. Please keep the band and his family in your prayers.

this was posted on the band's myspace:

LeRoi Moore 1961-2008

We are deeply saddened that LeRoi Moore, saxophonist and founding member of Dave Matthews Band, died unexpectedly Tuesday afternoon, August 19, 2008, at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles from sudden complications stemming from his June ATV accident on his farm near Charlottesville, Virginia. LeRoi had recently returned to his Los Angeles home to begin an intensive physical rehabilitation program.

these lyrics are all i can manage right now

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

- Thunder by Boys Like Girls

i can't really speak right now

aifguhadfkj';bga;erioghaElognhE'OFGHna:oFbhajdbgv;adf



just watch that and I'll explain when I can speak again...

omg

does not disappoint

Jason René Castro does date night in a robe.
And just when I thought he couldn't top last week (in his bunk!!) he goes and does it.
This boy could read me the phone book...

Oh hell, why not post last weeks too??

Is it humanly possible for him to be more adorable?

thought on the olympics

There is no way in hell that some of these Chinese female gymnasts are 16. The girl I just saw, looks about 12. It's just not possible and it's not fair.

chaos

Sometimes I think life likes to play games with you. Just when you think you are finally getting things together, it comes and knocks you off your feet. Or maybe off your pedestal. But I don't think I was on a pedestal and maybe that is why it is so upsetting. I was just starting to feel good about the direction of my life. Sure, there are major issues, but overall I was happy. Then one friend tells me one thing and BOOM! Life as you knew it is over. Who cares if I may be over dramatic. It's really how it felt. And if that's who I feel about it, it's how I feel. Can't deny it. There have been tears. There has been whining. I want to kick something. I am not dealing at all. I know I am being vague and that is because no one would understand. No one. You might think you would, but I promise you that you wouldn't. Most people would probably say that I am being stupid. In fact, that has already been told to me, but not in so many words. I don't care. I feel like I am gonna slip back into the depression that I had been in for months. Augh. I hate life sometimes. I wish I never started having a good life and then I would never feel like this again.

song in my head 08/14/08

Diamonds on the Inside by Ben Harper

fun with photoshop

seriously, could he be more beautiful?

and they said it wouldn't last...

and they were right.

Unlucky Jennifer Aniston dumped by rock star John Mayer.

That is a really pathetic headline. But it doesn't make me sad or anything.
One of my co-workers asked me how I felt about this and I said, "Well, it makes me happy. But I would be happier if he showed up on my doorstep and said that he left her to be with me."

current favorite pic

I love the profile and the lips and the curls.
So, I was told to bring it on... and I never back down from a challenge!

mavid

Alright, i will get caught up on what's going on soon enough. But in the mean time, I share with you Mavid.

I about died laughing at this and I even knew about it!
Poor Jason is probably cracking up at those fools!! I love it. The best part of the video: when Jason gets down with MJ 4:08 mark.

so, this blog thing...

I guess I have been neglecting this big time!
No real reason as to why. I have been busy and I guess what I am up to is not all that interesting to most people. My life is kind of niche-like. I could post a million things about Jason Castro, my website and John Mayer. But do you really want to read all that? Oh hell, I like to read about it and its my damn blog.

btw - i need to update my banner! that concert is long over.
edited to add: banner updated.

i really did post a review...

I posted a big 'ol review of the concert, but I have now posted all my videos, so it is way down there... you can read it here, if you don't feel like scrolling.

Even though I had an amazing time at the concert, this was the best part:

Sweet Chad O'Mine - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Crossroads - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Neon - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Say - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Free Fallin - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Ain't Nobody's Bizness - John Mayer - 07/30/08

Bubbly - Colbie Calliet - 07/30/08

hotness concert mega post!

I have now seen John Mayer in concert 7 times. The last time was just over a year ago. At that concert, I was in the 2nd row. I loved every second of that. I even had "a moment" with him. Nothing can ever bet that show for me. But the show last night comes in 2nd for me. His set is so diverse now, because he has many more songs to chose from. The show goes from acoustic to blues to full rock band. So amazing. Ok, let me just get the superficial stuff out of the way. Like I said already, he was looking so freaking sexy. It about killed me. I honestly have no opinion on the new hair. He looked very tall. Which I know he is, but with no hair for some reason it was more obvious. And this was also the first time I have seen the new sleeve tattoo. When he first got it, it was all black and gray. Since then, he has slowed add more color. I didn't like it at first, but I really love it now. He has grown into such a man. I know that sounds strange. But years ago, he was such a cute boy. Now he is a cut, mature man. Love it.
Set list:

Bigger Than My Body
Something's Missing
I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)
Good Love is On the Way
Ain't Nobody's Bizness
Untitled into Free Falling
Belief
Stitched Up
No Such Thing
Waiting on the World to Change
Vultures
Say

Encore
Neon
Crossroads
Sweet Chad O'Mine
Gravity

So, here are some random things...

The show started a little rough. He did not sing the high parts in Bigger Than My Body. I could tell he was struggling with his voice. It sounded like he was not feeling well. It went on like that for the first couple songs. But by the end of the show, he was in full voice and singing all the high parts.

John and David Ryan Harris (vocals & guitar) played around the whole show. At one point, while they were playing, DRH came over and untied John's shoe. They also kept giving each other hi-fives. It was so funny. There was also someone holding a sign that John read on stage. It said: Lose the tall guy, DRH is the rock star.

John talked a lot. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. The funniest story was when he was talking about Vultures. He said that he had a whole other set of lyrics for that song before he changed them. He said that the chorus used to be "tiny bananas" instead of "down to the wire". It was hilarious.

It was the sound guy's (John's best friend, Chad Franscoviak) birthday. During the encore, John referred to him as the 9th member of the band and then sung Happy Birthday to him. He then sung Sweet Child O'Mine. He changed Child to Chad. He was singing all crazy like and dancing around. I recorded it. I'll be posting the video. It is the worst quality of all the videos I took. That is because I was freaking out! I was so excited and wanted to scream and dance, but I was trying to stay still for the video.

During the Neon, he sung a little bit of Please Don't Stop the Music by Rhianna. I was freaking out on the inside! I was recording then too. Why would I freak out you ask? Well... that song, at least for me, is all about American Idol. Not only did they perform in on Idol Gives Back, but it is the finale song on the tour. When my two worlds collide, it is too much to handle. The manpris he wore AND he sung PDSTM, total TMTH.

Being so far out on the lawn, my photos were not good. I tried to take pictures of the screen on the side of the stage, but I couldn't use my flash. That makes for blurry pictures. I took a ton, but only managed to have a few decent ones. You can see them here

Colbie Calliet opened the show and she was too cute. She told a cute story about Bubbly. She said that she was new at playing guitar and someone had tuned her guitar for her a little differently than normal and she did not know how to tune it back. She said that she just played around with the cords and came up with the song. She is so pretty and so gracious.

It was surprisingly not hot. Well, it was hot. But when we got there, 1/3 of the lawn was already in the shade and there was a slight breeze. We made the smart decision to sit in the shade. Sure, we were sweating, but it was not blazing heat that made you want to die. I was so thankful that it wasn't miserable.
Ok, so that is all I can think of for now. Videos coming soon!!
Here are some random pics that are clearly not mine:

I am such a sucker for a guy with a guitar!

keep me where the light is

So, we are home from the show! Been home about an hour. Just ate some food and I am uploading my photos now. I took a bunch, but I was so far away that very few turned out. I mostly took pictures of the huge screen, instead of the stage. But I did take a bunch of videos. I am so excited. I will upload them all tomorrow. The show was amazing. I love him more and more each time. This was show #7. Gravity closed the show and I cried like a baby. More review tomorrow, with the videos. But here is one picture... he was wearing a black tank top and black manpris (long shorts). He was also wearing high top sneakers and black socks. Sexy as hell. I could have done without the black socks, but hey.

3 hours!!!

i cannot wait to see the hotness.

couple things...

1. the hotness shaved his head (not bald, but short!!)
2. just over 58 hours until I get to see it!

woo hoo

to my friend Angie:

weruhashtpqerwuafhsdfk

that is me trying to speak after watching this:



you can watch the whole video here

cake wrecks

I stumbled across this site today: Cake Wrecks. Yes, I am aware that there is more on the internet than my own websites! See, proof. Anyway, this site cracks me up! I haven't made it thru the whole thing yet, but these are hilarious cakes. There were some, at first, that I did not get. But look twice and you will understand them. Check it out!

sick pleasure

Is it wrong that I get a sick pleasure from this??

Jessica Simpson gets booed at first country concert

hahahahahahahahaha

*cough*trainwreck*cough*

got my car back

I finally got my car back today. It's all fixed, but I have no radio. That sucks really bad. We are still waiting on the check from the insurance for to buy a new stereo. I hate driving in silence. But at least I have my car. I had gotten used to driving the rental, so it took some time for me to get used to my car again. Funny.

song in my head

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

trying to kill me!

Seriously. If there was ever a show this summer that he should remove his shirt, it would be here, right?? 11 days, btw!

source

this is cool

Today, I had to search thru my closet to find some clean capris to wear. I didn't do a denim load of laundry last week, so I ran out of bottoms. I found a pair of cut offs that I haven't worn in a long time. I just put them on without really thinking. Then, while I was out today I thought to myself, "What size are these?" I checked and discovered that they were smaller than the pants I normally wear. In fact, they are two sizes smaller than the pants I bought this past winter. And THEY FIT! 2 pants sizes. What the hell?? I know that my other bottoms are getting really loose and hang low now, but to actually be wearing a pair that are 2 sizes smaller is just amazing to me.

my siggy

This is the new signature that I made for myself at my forum. It is too cute not to share with the rest of the world.

prison breaks returns!

It is a well documented fact that I love Prison Break. I was over the moon when I found out it was renewed for season 4. It starts on Labor Day. That will be a great weekend. Sister here and then new season. Awesome. But that only gives me a couple weeks to get caught up. For the last two years I have spent at least a weekend or more watching the previous season of Prison Break on DVD before the new season starts. This summer will be no exception. The season 3 DVD comes out on August 12!! Cannot wait.

song in my head 07/16/08

Tonight by Jason Castro
...this is a seriously gothy song!!

CHORUS:
And I wanna move your hair
And see your face
Watch my eyes light up
On your pillow case
And I’ll sing you a song
So that you know that you’re my only, only one
Yes, you’re my only one
And we’re not gonna sleep tonight

*thud*

guilty pleasures

I am not ashamed...even though I titled this guilty pleasures...to admit that I love the show, Tori & Dean. I have watched all 3 seasons and I love it. I love Tori. I used to hate her on 90210, but I love her now. She is too damn cute. Now that she has her little family, they are super cute.
I also admit that I watch Shear Genuis. I watched season 1 too. It is so damn cheezy, but I love Charlie!! He better win.
The new season of Big Brother started this week. I have recorded all the episodes, but have yet to watch them. I plan to watch them this weekend to see if I am gonna get into it this summer.
And can I just tell you how excited I am about the new season of Project Runway!!??!!

jgg - 1 month

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of my website. Last night we had a virtual party and it was a great success. I never imagined that our site would become what it has. We have 110 users, over 27000 total posts with an average of 821.68 posts per day! I have made THE most amazing friends and this is so much more than Jason. He just brought us together!

this scares me!!!

Can I even tell you how frightened I was when I first saw this? It's disturbing. Seriously? The website describes them like this: Realistic Poseable Baby Monkey Doll Collection! WTF??? Realistic? There are monkeys dressed as babies that you can hold in your hand? Oh. They are poseable. Well, then! And what the hell is with the tongue sticking out? I cannot even explain how strange I think these things are! And who the hell would ever buy this? I know I buy some dumb, random shit... but even I have my limits.

all star game

Right now I am watching the Home Run Derby and watching Josh Hamilton hit over 27 homeruns! I love the baseball all star game. I love the stuff before it too! Tomorrow is the actual game! I never miss the Home Run Derby, though!

edited to add: Apparently I was excited. Every sentence ended with a "!" yikes. Well, the craziest thing, though, is that after hitting over 30 homeruns, Josh Hamilton didn't even win. In the 3rd round, all the previous homeruns were wiped out and they started from scratch. The other dude one. That is too bad. But he has a record now for the most in the Derby.

song in my head 07/13/08

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Thunder by Boys Like Girls
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

no reason needed

focus on the positive

So I guess that the best thing to do is focus on the positive. I have been so depressed since the panic attack I had on Wednesday. I had therapy today and was basically told that this is gonna happen. I am gonna have anxiety and probably more panic attacks. He says that how I deal with it after it happens is what is important. And clearly being depressed and angry about having a panic attack is not the way to go. I also should not fight it when it happens. Getting angry that it happened is not the way to deal with it. He tells me I need to just ride the wave when it happens and not try to fight it so much. We are working on understanding why it happens and how to deal with it when it does happen. So, he told me not to discount the progress that I made, but also help me understand that this is something I will have to deal with my whole life. Its not really something that is ever cured. Its all in how you deal with it.

So, I am trying the whole "being positive" thing.

One thing I do have to be happy about is... I have lost 5 more pounds. That is a total of 23 in the last 5 months. I know that it's not that much, but its something. I have changed the way I eat. I cannot eat too much sweet stuff without feeling ill. That is a good thing. I still eat snacks and treats, but not nearly like I used to. I just can't. I actually tried to drink some Sprite yesterday and I had to throw it out. It was too sweet. Can you even believe that? I can't. I am glad, but it just shocks me. The changes I have made have not been a diet. It has been a change in eating style. I just eat less and only when I am hungry. Plus, the things I have been eating are better for me. More salads and things and WAY less grease. Anyway.

I still don't know how I feel about everything. Tomorrow is a difficult day. It will be one year since my last miscarriage... My therapist says that I need to not put such weight on anniversaries and dates, because they control me. I just need some time to mourn and dwell. But just like he said about everything else, its how I deal with it after it happens that is what matters.

never fails to impress

apparently the universe knew that I needed some cheering up...


source

not sure how i feel right now

I am not sure if I should even be blogging this. But I am at a loss today. I feel like I had been making such progress in dealing with my anxiety. But last night, I took a major step back. Laying in bed last night, I had another panic attack. It was the first major one I have had in a few months. All the usual physical symptoms... But then I got really angry at myself. I was mad that I was having it. My "self talk" was out of control. The angrier I got at myself, the worse pain I was in. I forced myself to lay there and eventually I fell asleep. I woke up today and have been depressed ever since. I cannot shake the funk today. I am so upset that I had a panic attack. I know that its not the worse thing that could happen. But I just hoped all this was behind me. And then it smacks me in the face. I have therapy tomorrow, which is good, because I need it now. I just don't want to lose all the progress that I have made. I don't want to slip back to that person I used to be. I look outside at the world and it scares me again. I am sure that this has a lot to do with the break in of my car. I feel violated and not safe in my own house. Augh.
Compounded with this, one of my friends gave me some bad news. It's her business, so I am not sharing it, but it is not good. She will now have to deal with some not fun stuff. I feel so bad for her. I wish I could do something. It just contributes to my helpless feelings.
I am not posting this for advice or sympathy. I just needed to put the words out in the world. This is a process I am going thru. Its my damn life.

hilarious

"My old life was not nearly as glamorous
as my website made it out to be."
- Leela on Futurama

i did say we were famous, didn't i?

Well, I wasn't kidding. We got our first shout out on Jason's myspace yesterday. He loves us! GOTH GIRLS!! forever!!

I had to post this... I needed to smile today.

you know what sucks?

THIS!

I came out to my car this morning and discovered it was broken into. The passenger front door glass was broken out, the door lock was jammed and the stereo was stolen. One thing I will say... these people knew what they were doing. There was minimal damage to the dash and they actually unplugged the stereo and did not cut the wires. That will make it easier to install the new one. I guess I am relatively calm about this because I deal with this all day everyday. I hear people's sob stories about this happening and am forced to deal with it. So when it happens to me, its old hat. I knew what to do. Called the police, filed the report over the phone. They don't need to come out. Why bother. Its not like they would ever find anything anyway. The whole thing is just an annoying pain in the ass. I am all set up to get it repaired tomorrow. I just wish I didn't have to deal with this.

song in my head 07/08/08

No Air by Jordan Sparks ft. Chris Brown

sissys coming

Today my sister decided she is gonna come home for Labor Day. I am so excited! I usually only get to see her once, maybe twice a year. I have a 4 day weekend that weekend so I will get to spend lots of time with her. Hooray! I am sooooo glad you're coming Beck.

something stinks

So, remember the mouse I mentioned seeing the other night?
Well, the house has been kinda stinky for the last couple days. I thought it was the trash or something, but I am beginning to think there might be a dead mouse somewhere. I am thinking maybe behind the entertainment center. I can't really move it by myself, so I hope Chris wants to help. Yuck. I know its gross, but damn it smells.

AI concert recap

part 1 - meeting the Castros

part 2 - Jason

part 3 - everyone else

part 4 - random

AI concert recap - part 4 : random

One last thing I need to share. During Jason's performance, I was standing up. Duh! Why would I not? But there were very few people around me standing up. Actually, in my whole section, I was the only one. The majority of the fans were there for the Davids. Anyway. I was standing and these people behind me where none too happy. The kept yelling at me to sit down. I was ignoring them. After a while, they had the girl sitting next to me grab my arm and point behind me. I turned around and looked and the people said, "We can't see." I looked down at them and said, "Oh. I'm sorry." And I turned back around. Did I sit down? Nope. I really was sorry that they couldn't see the gorgeous sight I saw. But I was not sorry that I was blocking their view. hehe. There was no one stopping them from standing up. Do you really think I would have spent all that money to just sit thru Jason? Hell no. I just kept standing and loving every minute of it.
This is also a major thing worth mentioning. Not only is it funny, but it is also another example of the new and improved Laura. I would normally have been intimidated by those people and sat down. I would have been sad, but I would have done it. But not anymore. I am a proud Goth Girl and I must represent.

AI concert recap - part 3: everyone else

You mean there were more people performing? Oh, right. The other folks I had to sit thru to see Jason.

Ok... the top 10...

Chikezie - just ok. Very cheesy. No one should try to cover Usher.

Ramiele - She wore sequined leggings. Yes, that is what I remember. She did sing If I Never See Your Face Again by Maroon 5. That is a good song, but she is not a very good singer.

Michael Johns - he was one of my favorites of the show. Not the actual TV show, but the concert. He came out singing Queen. He sounded awesome. He got the first standing ovation of the show.

Kristy Lee Cook - Whatever. She's weird. I mostly texted thru her whole performance. I just rolled my eyes when she sung God Bless the USA. She had a big flag behind her. Augh.

Carly Smithson - She was great too. She needs more variety in her songs. Too much Heart. But she was really comfortable on stage and I think she will have a nice career.

Brooke White - She came up from the below the floor on the piano playing Let It Be. She was great. She also sung 1234 by Feist. It was really fun. I stood up for the home town girl.

INTERMISSION - during intermission some random guys plated Guitar Hero on stage. They also played a commercial that the Idols made for the new Guitar Hero game. They were dressed in 70's clothes (Jason wore a tight orange tank top and bell bottom jeans). The new game has more instruments than just guitar, so each of the Idols were playing instruments. Guess what Jason played? Yup, the drums. See, he is/was a drummer before Idol. He looked incredible playing the drums. I about died in my seat. His brother was laughing at him the whole time. It was so funny.

next was Jason!! see the last post

Syesha - Whatever. Didn't pay much attention to her. I was still on my Jason high. Plus, I was texting everyone left and right. She can sing, though.

Archuleta - The one thing I will say about this... THE SCREAMS WERE DEAFENING. There were so many people there just to see him. It was so loud. I just sat and texted with my friends and really didn't pay attention to him ever. I just wish I had ear plugs. Not a fan, can you tell?

David Cook - After seeing him perform, I am so glad he won. He deserved it. Funny that my best pictures of the night were of DC. I guess I had calmed down by then. I did call my sister, so that she could listen to DC sing. She said that she cried a little. During all the breaks into between singing, David would look out at the crowd and you could see he was just taking it all in. He is such a great guy.

The whole show was just ok. Yes, I admit it. There were great moments. I am so glad I went, though. It was one of the greatest times I've ever had. And I was by myself. But I really wasn't. I had all my friends texting me and making me laugh. It was like they were with me. Plus, I knew they were at their respective homes hanging on my every text. They were posting online what I was texting to them. I also didn't know that they show was streaming live on line. This one site has people at the shows call in and use their cell phones to hear the show. It is horrible sound, but at least they all got to hear the show. I have been listening to all the shows over the last week, the same way too.

As I said in my last post, I am so happy that I was able to be at the first stop on the tour. It was an experience I will never forget.

AI concert recap - part 2: Jason

Let's just put it out there. This is the reason I went in the first place, so why beat around the bush.
Most of my pictures are very blurry. I am really bummed about that. But my sister tells me it is probably because I was too excited. This is true. He only had about 10 minutes on stage and I was freaking out the whole time. I also was trying to get video using my digital camera. The famous sideways, zooming in on the crotch video (see a few posts below). I was trying to stay still to film that whole song. That meant only two other songs to take pictures of. But I was loving every second of it. He started with Somewhere Over the Rainbow on the ukulele. He was singing along and then a stagehand comes out on stage and plugs in the uke. It was plugged in, but not all the way! He just kept singing the whole time. He laughed really hard, but sung at the same time. He looked so nervous, but very happy. He was smiling the whole time. He was wearing RED SHOES! You can see them in that picture. I love his shoes and his style. He is all over the place, but so unique. I guess he could come out in a garbage bag and I would like it, but still... So the second song was Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, but sung in the styling of Ray LaMontagne (google that, bitches). That is the song I recorded. He killed it. Before he sung it, he said, "This is the song that made all my dreams come true." He said that, because it was the song he sung at his auditions for AI. After Crazy was Daydream. He said it was the song that introduced him to the world. He sung it on his first performance on AI. During the song, there was a little musical interlude and he danced around a little. He turned towards my side of the arena and saw his family. He mouthed, "hey!" and smiled huge! It was awesome to see. I could go on and on about him. Y'all know how I feel about him. He can do no wrong in my book. But I will never forget that I was at his first concert ever. That is a memory that he will have forever and I will always be a small part of that, even if he doesn't know I exist (which isn't actually true, because like I said, we are famous!).

AI concert recap - part 1: meeting the Castros

There is so much to share. I didn't know where to start. This will probably be a little erratic, but that's too bad. Follow along. I know its almost a week late, but it has been an intense week.

I get to the arena and they haven't opened the doors yet. I stand around and watch the madness. I was in no hurry to get inside, because why? Assigned seats, so why bother. I casually get in line and go in. While I am walking to the stairs down to my section, I spot Jason's mom in line at the concession stand. At first I thought, "Wow. I should take her picture." I got out the camera and then I thought, "Why take a picture? I should just go talk to her." So, I did. I was wearing my Dreadhead shirt and as I walked up to her, she saw me and smiled. I told her that I just wanted to introduce myself. I told her what group I belong to and she asked my name. I told her and she laughed and smiled. Well, we are famous after all. We exchanged a few pleasantries and I gave her a hug. I told her to tell her son that we love him. I was freaking out that I had actually spoken to her. I started walking away, but I knew that I had seen Michael and Jackie (Jason's brother, 20 & sister, 12) waiting for their mom. I figured, hell, why not talk to them too. I just walked up to them and told them I just wanted to say hello. They were really nice and talked to me for a few minutes too. I really could not put thoughts together. So, I am not really sure what I said to them. I know I said something about the weather. After talking to them, I was flipping out. I called my friend Colleen, in San Diego and flipped out. So, what's the second best thing to meeting Jason? Meeting his family, I'd say. After calming myself down, I made it to my seat on the floor. It was really good. As I sat down, I saw that Castros sitting very close to me. Betsy saw me and waved. How cool is that? After frantically texting all my friends about what had just happened and talking to many of them on the phone too, I realized how dumb I was for not getting pictures with the family. Since the show still hadn't started, I made my way up the aisle and asked his mom if we could have a picture together. I told her, "My friends are gonna kill me if I don't get a picture with you." She was super nice and told me it was not a problem. At that moment, Jackie came to her seat and she offered to take the picture. How surreal! I was still floating and just went back to my seat. The show went on (my review will come soon!) and by intermission, I had received a million texts telling me that I had to get my picture with the siblings. So, I managed to make my way back to their seats. By this time, many many fans had discovered the family sitting there and were crowded all around. There were so many girls around Michael that I said to him, "Look at all these girls. We are gonna have to fight for you." He just smiled. He was loving every second of it. I managed to get my picture taken with Michael by some random girl. Then I asked Michael to take a picture with me and Jackie. It was so amazing. They were so nice. Thru the whole show, I would look over at the family to see their reactions. I made eye contact with Michael many times. I will say this... there are many people who are just as obsessed with him as they are with Jason. He is known as mcas. He's got his own group of fans. I was never really a fan. But I have to admit, in person he is a fine looking guy. I figured out one of the Castro boys secrets. They smile when they talk. You are drawn to the mouth, because they are smiling. And that is damn sexy. So, I am an mcas convert. Jason is still my idol, but his brother ain't bad to look at either.
Ok, so that is the story about meeting the Castros. The pictures are a few posts down.
Why is this a big deal, besides the obvious?
Well, going up and talking to strangers is not something I normally do. Taking their picture from a distance is more my personality. But just putting myself out there and talking to them is so not me. But you know what? I did it. And I was not scared or nervous. I just did it. I told myself I was being dumb for not doing it and I did it. A few months ago, I never would have. This is more and more proof of the evolution of Laura. It's proof that when you have friends and joy in your life, you can grow and become more confident in yourself. I am mad at myself for ever being the person who would not have talked to them. But I am now. Laura is coming out of her shell and she likes it. And yes, I am referring to myself in the third person...

More in a little bit...

Happy 4th of July

*wink*

people scare me

This is all one customer...

Me: Were the police notified?
Her: We took a picture.

Me: Were the people in the vehicle minors?
Her: I don't have kids. What's a minor?

american idol concert

I have so much to say. But I am so tired. I am on 3 hours sleep and I have been going all day. I have videos and pics to upload and following along with tonite's show too.
I have some random bullets for now... more tomorrow.

I met Jason's famliy!! Mom - Betsy, brother - Michael & sister - Jackie. It was sooo awesome. I did not meet Jason. I am bummed about that, especially because my friend met him today!

The show was awesome. Best performances: Michael Johns, Carly, Jason & David Cook

Here are my pics.

and last for tonite... here is my sideways video of Jason singing Crazy

one last thing for tonite

for my sister...

David Cook - Billie Jean

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My stomach is in knots. I am so nervous. Why am I nervous?
Good lord. I never thought this day would come.
Everyone is jealous of me. I am the only Goth Girl going to tonite's show. I wish my girls could be there with me. I am frantic.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I WILL BE SEEING JASON TONITE WITH MY OWN EYES!!
Work needs to end. I cannot sit here anymore.

tomorrow

The American Idol concert is tomorrow night. While I am beyond excited, I am melancholy too. I mildly regret not stalking Jason, especially because I know where they are staying. Earlier today, I thought about stalking tonite, but I now have a headache and I am really tired. I need to be ready for tomorrow. People have been giving me crap about not trying to meet him and some people even went so far as to call me chicken. I am not chicken, I am realistic. It's about the music anyway, right?

f***

I was just sitting on the couch enjoying a evening chat with my friends when I saw something on the floor under the floor lamp. At first I thought it was a roach, because I saw one last night. But then I noticed a tail. F*** It was a mouse. It then ran under the bookcase and behind the entertainment center. I screamed and woke up Chris. He said, "What do you want me to do about it now?" YIKES!

why not today?

You have anniversarys, birthdays and even Valentines Day... but why not tell the person you love them on a random day in June?

Chris, I love you more and more every day. You are the biggest pain in my ass, but the brightest light in my life. I knew fourteen years ago and I still know now. My life would not be complete without you in it.

Every word of this song is true:

look at those eyes

Our friend's baby gets more gorgeous every time I see a new picture!
Scarlett Aurora - age: 20 months

um....

Funny face, I know. But somebody's been working out!!!source

song in my head 06/26/08

Madness by Alanis Morissette

doi

Customer: Steven
Me: with a "v" or a "ph"
Customer: with an "s"

suck

I like to call this, drive by blogging...

Guess what just happened to me? The elastic popped on the sleeve of my shirt. I am stuck at work with a sleeve that is all stretched out and you can now see my arm pit. Freaking lovely.

ok... some health stuff

I finally got the results of the glucose test I did 3 weeks ago. The good news... I do not have diabetes. woo hoo! I am really happy about this. That means I still have time to try to prevent this from happening. I am taking this motivation and running with it.
I did get some bad news, but nothing I didn't already know. My insulin level is high, so I still have insulin resistance. And I have a Vitamin D deficiency. The doctor wants me to take a supplement to fix that. What is one more pill?

he didn't stand us up!!

My poor blog as gone from all John Mayer all the time, to depressing heath stuff, to now all Jason Castro all the time. Oh well. You can deal.

Sooooo... it's Tuesday night and it's date night. Here is the bulletin he posted on myspace:

Date: Jun 24, 2008 7:39 PM
Subject: i just put on some cologne

time for our date! haha i just posted the new video...i dont know if its showing up just yet... bear with me im learning things as i go...like the fact that its already 10:30 on the east coast..who picks up their date at 10:30?! my baddd. haha today wasnt too eventful...as you will notice in my vid. haha but this week coming up is gonna be huuugeeee!!!! im taking notes to share everything. yessss.

ttyl!

jasonnn.

and the video:


He leaves me gasping for air...

no sleep tonite

Just when I thought I was gonna be able to get some sleep tonite... that damn Jason Castro goes and posts a vlog.

I really do not know if it is possible for him to be any cuter. If it happens, I just might pass out and die. Seriously... date night? And the smile at the end... knocked me unconscious. Boy am I ever smitten!

8 DAYS!! oh.my.god!


edited to add: Who am I kidding? It is WAY beyond smitten. Smitten does not set up a website in their honor. Yes. I said it. I am hopeless. But, I have been smiling all day... so it can't be that bad, right?

irresistible object vs. immovable force

This is for my sister... for two reasons.
1. Because she kept saying this to me over and over yesterday and making me laugh.
2. Because she has taken the time to really try to understand me and I appreciate that more than she will ever know.

flavors of entanglement

The new Alanis Morissette album came out this past Tuesday and I love it. This is the first full album that I have purchased on itunes. How I feel about the album is the same I felt of the last couple Alanis albums. The first time I listen, I don't get it at all. But the more I listen to the complete album, I get it and understand it and love it. Right now, my favorite tracks are Straitjacket, Tapes and one of the bonus tracks Madness. But each time I hear a song, I have a new respect for her. She is an amazing song writer and my musical hero.

1st official day of summer

song in my head 06/19/08

Walking On Air by Kerli

daniel!!

Suns fill out coaching staff
Suns lead assistant Alvin Gentry will return to that role and work a fifth season on Phoenix's coaching staff, which now will include Suns fan favorite Dan Majerle, former All-Star center and head coach Bill Cartwright and Porter colleague Igor Kokoskov.

If you don't already know, Daniel Lewis Majerle III was one of my first obsessions!

take your dog to work day

Tomorrow is Take Your Dog To Work Day. Who even knew this existed?

Too bad I don't work tomorrow...

oh and I don't have a dog.

nothing around but the sound of my heart and your sighs

My poor neglected blog.

I got a freakin forum to run! But I have learned a big lesson with this new forum. Delegate. I have never been good at this. I know how it should be done and dammit, I will do it right myself. That is sooooo not a good attitude. But I have been getting so overwhelmed just getting the forum set up, that when it came to "mod"ing it, there was no way I could handle it. We now have all our mods (people to watch over it and make sure people are not breaking the rules) assigned and we are getting ready to open it up to the world. So, I have been delegating. I have been using the talents of my lovely friends. Asking for people to write things up, asking people to make graphics. I trust these girls, so why not trust that they will do a good job? That takes a lot for me to do that, but I have been in the last couple days and it has really been working.

Many people have asked in recent days... How long do you think the forum will last? I mean, how long can you talk about Jason Castro? Well first... he hasn't fallen off the earth. So until he has, we will have things to talk about. All summer long there is the tour (13 DAYS!!!). Then after that, hopefully a long career. We were all here at the beginning and ain't going no wheres!

i did it

I, along with soooo much help from Chris, successfully launched a forum for my friends and I to use. It was a ton of work, but as of right now, there are over 20 users and the site is holding up fine. When we launched it to the group around 9:30pm tonite, I was so sick to my stomach. I was terrified that it would crash. But so far so good. I am so tired, but I am really excited and proud of myself. But I will say again, there is no way I could have done this without Chris's help. Thanks, dear.

happy father's day

cupcake purse!

This purse was in the Sex and the City movie! I love it and want to own it! Anyone have an extra $4300?

Read this.

um...

From OK! magazine:
"John is good in bed," a pal of the 30-year old singer-songwriter tells OK!. "Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry."

i'm not who i was

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and things and whatnot. Mainly because I am starting therapy tomorrow. I have already been to the shrink, but he is mostly just for diagnosis and meds. Tomorrow, I meet with the therapist for "talk therapy." I guess I am getting prepared. But I feel like I have changed a lot recently. I think it comes from finding people I can really talk to and people who understand me. I have made friends for the first time in a really long time and I love them. Sure, they are online, but that does not make them any less of a friend. I talk to them more than I would talk to my real life friends, anyway. I actually talk to many of them on the phone too. Talked to Colleen for over an hour last night. That being said, making friends is good for the soul. Having people that get you is really refreshing. Sure my family and Chris get me, but it is different. I am not sure that the changes I see in myself are strictly based on meeting new people. I think that I am dealing with difficult situations much better than I used to. The whole thing with my dad has been really difficult, but I am dealing and trying to stay positive.
Wait, I am taking anti-depressants, aren't I? Does that explain it all away? I don't really think so. I have a "med check" appointment on Monday and I don't know what to say. Do I think the pills are working? I have no idea? I don't really notice a major difference. But I know that I have not really been totally depressed lately. I have been in angry moods, but that is just normal stuff. Anxiety? Not really. I think I stayed really calm while dealing with my dad in the hospital. I did not freak out at all and haven't. That is really the most major thing to deal with lately and I am dealing well.
I like who I am now. I think that is a major thing for me to say. For the longest time, I didn't. I felt fake and that I put on acts for people. I wanted so badly for people to like me. And when that wasn't happening, I was hating myself and wanted to die. Yes, I said that and I meant it. Then I just got in a funk and didn't care about much at all and had no hope in life left. I guess its true that when you stop caring if people like you, you meet people who do. It's strange to think that had I not watched American Idol, seen Jason Castro, gone online on that particular day, posted in that thread on the forum and gotten banned, I would not be where I am today. My friends and I have called it fate and I actually believe that to be the case. I have even said that Jason and his music have saved my life. That may sound really silly, but all that has happened as a result has changed me and gave me a renewed sense of myself and that life is worth living.

cracks me up

such cuteness!
shopping in the mall... photo taken by his little sister, Jackie

...working on getting the site up!

...18 days til the show!!!!

random tv stuff

I am soooo happy that Stephanie won Top Chef! She deserved to win!! I was very happy. Actually as long as it wasn't Lisa, I would have been happy.

Ice Road Truckers is the shit. I love that show and I am so glad that season two started. Driving on the ocean now? That is just nuts!

Another show that I am really into is I Survived on the Biography channel. The most recent episode was about the Virginia Tech shootings and that bridge collapse last summer in Wisconsin. That was the first episode of national news story stories. It is such dramatic show, but at least you know, as the people describe what happened, that they did survive.

I have not yet gotten into So You Think You Can Dance. I am still pissed at Nigel Lythgoe and don't really feel like looking at him right about now. I should set it to record so I won't miss anymore. But this is funny... Someone posted a sign in the stairwell at work that says: VOTE TWITCH.

song in my head 06/12/08

Sweet and Low by Augustana
I really like this song a lot! It's in my head, because I keep playing it over and over. hehe

things that make me happy...

homeless... at least for now

Everyday for almost two months, I have met my friends online and talked all night long. But tonight will probably be the first night I haven't. Why? Our thread/section of the forum that we post in is being shut down. It is kinda complicated as to why, but let's just say, some other forum members signed a petition to get us kicked off. The administrator's hands were tied. We knew that we were hanging by a thread, because a couple weeks ago, we got moved. But now it is over. So... my closest friends and I met online last night and decided the thing to do was to start our own forum. That way we can be ourselves and no one can kick us off. This ousting will be the 3rd place we have been kicked out of. It makes no sense to me either. But I guess you will have that. So, I have taken on the task of getting the new site and forum set up. Of all of us, I am the one with the most technical knowledge. Actually, most of my knowledge comes from Chris and I have begged him to help me to at least get the domain and host set up. I think I can manage it once it's set up. He made a temporary forum last night, so I feel good that we can make this work. We are so excited. We are sad to leave the place that we have called home for a long time. But this time, we are excited, not mad. Our little crew has really become like a family and we need our own home. We have grown larger than the old forum can handle. The way I tried to explain it to people is that as you grow up, you need to leave the nest and branch out on your own. That is what we are doing. We are forever going to be the black sheep of the dreadhead family (oh, yeah. This is still the Jason Castro boards I am talking about.), but we are moving out of their house. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to most people. I cannot really make you understand. I have tried too hard to make people understand and it still does not work. But I have made the greatest friends and we enjoy each others company. Anyway... I have a lot of work ahead of me and I am sure, a lot of fighting with Chris... but it will be worth it. Maybe I will share it when it's done... or maybe not. Gotta keep some secrets...

i need to own this

Hello Kitty cactus!!!

some things just need to be said...

I wear their face on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
With my dignity in place
I'm all too happy to assuage

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And only take on what is mine to

We are a team
I'm here to help mend and re-seam
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it

song in my head 06/08/08

9 In The Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco

this is what it's like when your parents get old

Because life was just calming down... more drama!

On Sunday night, my mom called me and said that my father fell and was on his way to the hospital. He broke his right arm and injured his hip. The bone actually broke thru the skin. I immediately left home and drove to the hospital. When I got there, he was still in the trauma room and his arm was not wrapped up yet. I saw it in all its glory. Ultimately, he ended up having emergency surgery on his arm. It was a compound fracture. He had a plate and 6 screws put in one bone and a wire thru the other to try to force it heal. He also micro-fractured his right hip. He has to keep his weight off of it and it should heal on its own. He was lucky it was not a major hip fracture! I was at the hospital until 4:30am on Monday morning. I stayed with my mom until my dad got out of surgery. The sun was up when I got home. It was a horrible situation. He was in the hospital until today. He did not come home, though. He was moved to a live-in rehab place. He is having trouble sitting up and walking because of the hip. So, they decided that rehab is the best thing for him. As much as he wants to go home, there is no way that my mom could give him all the help he needs. Not that she doesn't want to, but she just can't. He needs full time attention until he is up and walking again. Getting out of the hospital is a good thing. It's progress. But only time will tell in the whole recovery. He is gonna be out of work for a long time.

The whole thing really sucks. As my sister said today, this is what it's like when your parents get old. We both feel so helpless for different reasons. I feel bad that I live close and haven't been able to visit him more and she feels bad that she lives so far away and can't visit him. There really isn't anything we can do. But it's really hard to see your parent in the hospital. It makes me feel so old and helpless.

hi. my name is laura and i am a castroaholic

song in my head 06/05/08

Fragile - words by Sting - sung by Jason Castro
I had the spanish part in my head all day, on repeat. I hate when that happens. Its just a part of the song, over and over. Love the song and the singer, but that gets annoying.