the latest

My mom has breast cancer. It was found very early and all the doctors say she should be ok. She does not have surgery scheduled yet, because she just had an MRI yesterday. We might know on Monday when it will be.

I have been going around in circles thinking of how to talk about it. I finally just decided I needed to just say it. I haven't told many people and haven't really talked about it to anyone other than my family.

This is not news that anyone needed to hear. This is the 3rd time in my life that I have heard this news. Once in every decade of my life. My heart tells me this time will be the same as the others. She will be ok. I know the statistics about early onset breast cancer. The only thing is, I can't be 100% positive that she will survive. I have allowed myself a small percent of space to be fearful. This does not mean I won't support her in every way. This means I am trying to protect myself. I don't want to be blindsided if something were to happen.

I feel like this isn't making any sense. I have been struggling to explain how I feel lately. But I knew I needed to share this with my friends. So now you know.

I love Rihanna just as much as the next person, but why the hell was she rolling around in some nasty lettuce?

chill out

Tonight Chris was upset about the republican candidates for president. I told him to chill out. The truth is, all these candidates are doing is distracting most of the country from the real issues. The election is not for over a year. I am well aware of this, because it is 3 days after my 35th birthday. This is a day I am dreading, therefore the election matters little me. Actually that's not true, but I am trying not the think about that mid-way thingy. So the election is more than a year away and what the media seems to be focusing on the most are these crazy Republican candidates. I told my husband to relax about it, because what these candidates say now and who the front runner is does not matter at all. What does matter are the real issues facing this country. (This post is not about that, though.) In a year, it will matter what they say and who is in the lead. I can look back on the past few issues of my Newsweek magazines to show what craziness is going on. Who is the Republican candidate of the month, or even week. It has changed so many times in the last few months that I can only keep track by my magazines. So, chill out if Herman Cain is the front runner now. Rick Perry was a few weeks ago and that's over. Just spin the week of candidates and whomever the spinner lands on is who takes the lead this time. Worry when ANY of these people are the front runner IN A YEAR! Or at least 9 months. For now, do not let it bother you what those folks say. ("Don't blame Wall Street. Don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself." <--- crazy ass m-fer) Lets worry about what really matters right now. Seriously.

2 Broke Girls

Are you watching this show? You really need to be. It is the first show in a very long time that has actually made me laugh out loud. OMG it makes me LOL.
It was created by Michael Patrick King, of Sex in the City fame and Whitney Cummings, who tried her hand at her own show too and failed miserably. Its an odd pairing, but it worked. Kat Dennings is genius. I also like that they are waitresses at a diner and they actually work there. That opens the door for hilariousness. Must shows rarely show the characters working. But I guess the show is about them working cuz they're broke.
Anyway. Watch this show.

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack

Does this look like the blog of a grown up? It is supposed to now. That is because growing up is something I need to do.
This has been a very difficult year. So much death, grief, sorrow. It has forced me in to a shell. Actually that's not true. I have been in this shell of depression for a long time. This year feels like the door was locked and the key was thrown away. I haven't been able to see a way out. I still don't. I am losing everything. I do not know how to shake all this.
My only option appears to be JUST DO IT.
cuz that's easy.
I have fought it for far too long. The way I am living now is not only failing, but keeping me down emotionally. For the longest, I was able to still find happiness amongst it all. That has now become impossible. It got more difficult over time, but I wasn't able to see it slipping away. I only notice it now that it is gone.
So I am back at the beginning. The whole "JUST DO IT" thing. It is so much easier said than done.
I am using this again as a place to vent. That is my first step. That might not seem like a lot and I know its not enough, but it is a start. Getting my feelings out. Expressing myself. Saying what I really feel.
What comes next? I have no idea.