fate

Things really do happen for a reason. People come in to your life when they are supposed to. Fate. Whatever you want to call it. It really exists. But I also believe that things happen when you take risks. Go outside your comfort zone and watch what happens. Things you never imagined, but were meant to happen. I know I am speaking in vague terms here. But I fear that making a specific reference might somehow sour the message. But I guess I am not the first person to have these theories. I just feel really strongly about this. There are so many reasons in my life to feel that way.

In my early teens, I tried really hard to make a boyfriend happen. I liked a guy, tried to get him to like me and after awhile of it failing, moved on to someone new. On and on, this went. No success what so ever. I was trying to make it happen. When I finally decided to stop trying, I did something I wouldn't normally do... took a chance... and it happened. It didn't just happen, I found the love of my life. My soul mate. My other half. I honestly had told myself that I wasn't gonna try to find a boyfriend anymore. Then, even after finding out that he was moving across the country in a few months, I gave a guy my phone number. I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to do it. But it was not something that I had ever done before. Never been so direct. It was not just outside my comfort zone, it wasn't even in the same neighborhood. But I gave him my phone number and told him to call me. That was almost 16 years ago. Best thing that ever happened to me. He came along right when he was supposed to. Right when I was ready and open for it. But had I not made that one move, my life would be completely different. There is no greater example than that, but there are other smaller things that have proven the theory to me.

Something as simple as watching American Idol on a February evening. I had been going thru a lot, physically and emotionally. A panic attack had gotten me in to the hospital with chest pains and blood pressure high enough to give me a stroke. Then I saw a gorgeous face, dreadlocks and a voice that pierced my soul. Life changed in that moment. Jason Castro came along right when I needed him. I need joy in my life and there it was. But more than just that... I finally decided I needed to delve in to the world of American  Idol. I have written here before about my feeling for that show, but this was the rare moment that I felt compelled. I felt like there must be other people out there that felt the same way I do about Jason. I went to the forums and started posting. I had never done that before in my life. Never really even been to a forum before. I took that brave step to post on the forum and the flood gates opened. I met some of the most important people in my life. Not only did I find people who thought like me, I found best friends. People I went on to start our own forum with. Start a forum... after hardly even being on one in my life. A forum for people who felt like I did. For people who came into my life when I needed a friend more than anything. When I needed to laugh and lust after a hot 21 year, blue eyed man. That was almost 2 years ago. These people are not my online friends. They are my friends. People I would stand in front of us bus for. Because I was down, I watched the show. Because of the show, I found Jason. Because of Jason, I found friends for a lifetime. All happened for a reason. All at the right time. All because I took a risk.

More? I've got more. Its also Jason Castro related, but most of my life is now. hehe

Going to see Jason in concert for the first time (not counting the AI tour), brought me to discover NEEDTOBREATHE (from now on referred to as NTB). Funny how that happened. I went to Jason in Tucson. I drove 2 hours, in the rain, all by myself. I was determined to see him, so I wasn't gonna let the fact that I really hate driving at night and the rain, keep me from going. That whole outside my comfort zone thing. Prior to seeing him that night, I had tried all weekend long to win tickets to a radio show that he was performing at, the next day. It was in Phoenix and I wanted to go so badly. I had gotten so close to winning. Actually was caller 24, when they were looking for 25. I was so upset that I didn't win, I took to twitter to beg. It was not pretty. I was begging everyone I could think of to get me to that show. After Jason's performance in Tucson, he came out to meet with the fans. I was talking to him, which was surreal all in its self, and he remembered that I had asked him about something on twitter. The radio show. I've told this story before, but it helps move the story along. He remembered and hooked me up with getting into the show. Begging on twitter was not something I was proud of, or something I would have ever usually done. But hey... look where it got me? Taking the risk of driving down to see Jason... being brave enough to talk to him... got me to the radio show. Had none of that happened, I would have never heard of or fallen in love with NTB. I had no idea that there was gonna be 4 acts at the show. I knew Jason and Ryan Star (which is a whole story unto itself), but didn't know the rest would be there. I had actually never even heard of NTB before. They performed 2nd in the show and knocked the wind out of me. I was still in my Jason haze and wasn't really open to anything new. I had a one track mind. But sometimes things come along that you least expect. There it is again. That whole fate thing. NTB have won me over. They did the first time I heard them and have been ever since. Not mentioning the cute boy who introduced himself to me factor... They are an amazing band with heart and soul, not to mention bucket loads of talent. I cannot stop listening to them. They bring me such joy. Found Jason and found joy. Now, because of Jason I found more joy. He's like the gift that keeps on giving. 

I think I can take some of the credit too. I did things that are out of character and look at me now? Being brave is slowly becoming part of my character. I am changing and its for the better. I am taking risks and those risks are paying off in spades. I only wish that I was braver, earlier. I had signs of it, back when I met Chris. But I went back into my shy shell. The shell that kept me safe, but stagnant. I need to trust this fate thing more. Fate. God. Whatever you want to call it. Whatever it is, I am finding strength in it. There are times where taking the risk does not pay off. I've got plenty of those stories too. But more often than not, you can find the good. Realize what the reason was for something happening to you. What you wanted to happen, didn't, but that ends up being a good thing. It just might take some time to realize it. Like I said, I am not the first person to come up with this. I am just in a good place right now, surrounded by joy, and I often ponder about the reasons why. This is what keeps coming up. I have a smile on my face, because my husband is sleeping peacefully. Because of Jason's smile. Because of NTB songs on repeat. Because my family is happy, after a long time of sadness. Because of fate. Because I dared to do something.

damn them

These men were put on this earth for the sole purpose of torturing me and keeping me up at night.

I am actually thudding over my own blog post. This is TMTH.

Now, my spouse was put on earth for much better reasons and he deserves a wife that does not swoon over musicians. However, God put this men here and it would be unkind of me to ignore them. *swifty eyes*

song in my head 03/29/10

This is the song I have on repeat right now. Just thought I'd share it with you.

	Needtobreathe - Through Smoke .mp3

peachy

One more peach tree blossom picture, cuz they are so pretty.

in bloom

My dwarf peach tree is blooming all over the place. Last year, I only had 3 blossoms and this year there are more than 3 already and lots of buds. I am so excited. I love that little tree and I would love to finally get some peaches. We had a few little peaches start growing last year (read about it here), but they died. I think it was from the heat, but I really hope that was not what killed them.I have had this tree since 2008. It was gift from Chris and I try to take good care of it. You can see more pictures of it here.

Our fruit trees are also blooming. This is our orange tree in the front yard. Our lemon tree is in full bloom too. It smells so wonderful outside. I love trees in bloom. Its really the only sign of spring we have.

he's 23 today

Happy Birthday
Jason Rene Castro

american idol season... whatever

I hate this show. I know that sounds totally bogus based on the fact that I am a Jason Castro über fan. Finding Jason on Idol was a fluke. I hadn't watched every season of the show and I was not a big fan. There was a lot going on in my life at the time of season 7 which brought me to watch that. It gets a little emotional for me, if I explain any further. But lets just leave it at the fact that Jason is special. I am not one of those fans who picks a favorite each season and fan-tards out about them. There will never be another Idol contestant that I feel the way I feel about Jason. Enough of that explanation.... 

I get annoyed by those fans who move from one contestant to another. Not because people aren't allowed to like more than one artist. I mean, come on. I have plenty of obsessions. Its because if you move on the next year, what happens to that person you liked before? They are out there trying to start a career based on the fact that they had fans when they were on the show. But its the next season and those fans have moved on to the next flash in the pan. Fans gone. Artist puts out a mediocre album and then is never heard from again. Its actually kinda mean. They get the false illusion that they will be successful. Then the get smacked with the reality that fans are fickle and only liked them because they were on their TV each week. Its sad. The world is littered with former Idol contestants and your can count on both hand how many have actually managed to have a career doing something music related. 

So that brings me to this season. This is the worst by far. The show has now began casting characters, instead of trying to find good singers. The best artist this season is Crystal and I really hope to god that she does not win. If she gets caught up in the Idol machine, her artistry will be crushed. They will try to make her something she is not. That is also the reason I am glad that Jason didn't win. David Cook has been very successful, but because Jason lost he was able to start his career the way he wanted it. Watching Idol this season is like torture. Then the judges tell these people that they are talented... I can't believe it. It amazes me. They show is crap. I wish more people believed this. It is really time for it to be over. Simon knows it, that's why he's leaving. It has run its course. I feel like it has made a mockery of musicians. Just go on a TV show and get famous. But as I said before, the Idol road is full of broken dreams.

Oh... almost forgot... Miley Cyrus is the mentor. You have got to be kidding me. shoot me now.

wow. just wow.

Washed By the Water by: NEEDTOBREATHE

This was filmed last week in Cincinnati. It totally brings me to tears when the crowd is singing along. Feels like an old fashioned church revival.

But I can't lie... Seth blowing bubbles and chewing that gum is very distracting. hehe

Oh and I had a dream about the boys last night. Crazy. I had this 3 year old kid and I had told everyone that Bear (the lead singer) was the father. But I was lying to protect Seth, cause he was the real father. Then in the dream, I told the truth and it was a whole thing with telling Bear, the kid and Seth. It was crazy. But it was just a dream... *swoon*

In all seriousness, this is an amazing song.

happy 1st day of spring

i can totally rock these

How much do I love my new sandals? More than you will ever know. I have been searching forever for a cute pair of gladiator sandals in wide width. It feels like, in order to get the width I need, I have to give up the cute look. But last week, I finally stumbled upon these and they came in the mail today. They are cuter than I even knew. The studs are silver, which I wasn't sure about but really hoped for, because I never wear gold.  They zip up the back, so they are super easy to get in to. I am so jazzed about them. Now I must find the perfect outfit. Won't be too tough.

my stupid mouth

Yesterday, I got a retainer for my lower teeth. For months now, I have been wearing a night guard on my upper teeth because I grind them. Since then, my front lower teeth have become what they call "mobile." They are loose. Like, I can move them with my tongue. The dentist said that the retainer will help stabilize my loose teeth when i am grinding at night. I sure as hell hope so. Last thing I need is for my damn teeth to fall out. So now I have to sleep with both. Lovely. Chris told me this morning that now I squeak. Its the two plastics rubbing against each other now. He has told me before that he can hear me grinding, so now it squeaks. Lovely. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to wear them or my teeth will fall out.

At the dentist I showed him how I have been sleeping with my night guard and it all clicked. I figured out why my teeth had gotten loose. I have jutting out my lower jaw and resting the night guard behind my front teeth. Then I was pushing forward on those teeth with the hard, acrylic night guard. How could they not have gotten loose? The dentist also said that looking at my night guard he could tell that I grind my teeth back and forth, not side to side. All this makes total sense. He said that if the retainer does not stop me from putting my night guard behind my teeth, he will make me a new night guard that has a piece that sticks out the front, so that wouldn't be possible. I hate all this. I just hope something works.

April 13th

Jason Castro's long awaited debut album drops on April 13th. So excited.

This is the album cover and yes, I am excited about that too. And just cuz I like my blog friends, here is the track listing:

1. Let's Just Fall In Love Again

2. This Heart Of Mine

3. That's What I'm Here For

4. Love Uncompromised

5. Closer

6. You Can Always Come Home (feat. Serena Ryder)

7. It Matters To Me

8. Hallelujah

You can pre-order the album from jasoncastromusic.com or amazon.com and receive 5 additional tracks! Its less than a month away. You know you want it.

And I guess now is as good a time as any to mention that I am no longer the state street team leader. This was 100% my choice. I do not love Jason any less and clearly, I am still promoting him. I don't feel like its appropriate from me to go in to all my reasons for leaving, but it was the right thing to do.

doodle frame

This is wicked awesome. If I ever get a job again, (please Lord find me a job!) I will get this. I am such a doodler.



This website is full of things I wish I owned. Must stop looking at it.

crazy

BAD ASS!

Jason Castro does his amazing cover of "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley ALA Ray LaMontagne. He's been doing this cover forever. Its nice to have this version with him and Stephen Kanicka on guitar.

ignoring the frizzy hair...

makes me smile

Daffodils make me think of living in Cincinnati. My favorite part of walking home after work was seeing the daffodils bursting up thru the leftover snow on the ground. Beautiful site. In this vase are some marbles that Chris made. They look really amazing in the water. This makes me smile.

song in my head 03/15/10

Let Us Love by: NEEDTOBREATHE

I have been running around the house singing and clapping to this song. I was even jumping up and down in the shower when it was on. Not too safe, but fun. I hope you love it. The video can be dark at some points, but I like the angle. *wink*

cute!!

I am so in love with the chandelier. It is so beautiful and you will never believe what it is made of!!!

GUMMI BEARS!!! They are acrylic, so they won't melt, but still. It is freaking awesome. It is made by a company called Jellio. They use things from childhood and make home decor items. Love it. Check out the site here. And if you want to buy me this "candelier" I would not tell you no.

2010 Oscars - best dressed

J.Lo's is my absolute favorite. Amanda Seyfried's is a close second, but I think that is because they are very similar.

Thoughts? Opinions?

2010 Oscars - on-the-fence dressed

I can't decide if I like these. Do you?

2010 Oscars - worst dressed

It kills me to have SJP on my worst dressed list. I really wanted to like her dress, but there is just something off about it. The whole ensemble is off. I also wanted to like Zoe Saldana's dress. I hated it initially. Then it grew on me. But the more I thought about it, it bugged the crap out of me. Charlize Theron has cinnamon rolls on her boobs. What was she thinking? I love Carey Mulligan, but I hate those dresses that are short in the front like that. Yuck. The rest are self explanatory.

Thoughts? Opinions?

needtobreathe

At the radio show that I went to for Jason, I also was introduced to the band needtobreathe. Never heard of them before, but that soon changed.

During their performance, the guy, who is the bass player, was playing the tambourine. It was an acoustic set. He was basically right in front of me. He was super cute. I tried not to stare at him, but it was kinda hard not to. I know he saw me looking at him, because once he even smiled. I tried REALLY hard not to look at him after that. And failed.

So, after all the performances the groups were mingling with the fans. The craziest thing happened. HE WALKED UP TO ME. Seriously. He put out his hand and said, "I'm Seth. What's your name?"

SHUT UP!?!?!?!?!?

I shook his hand and told him my name. He said that it was really nice to meet me. I told him that they were fantastic. At this point the rest of the band walked over and I asked them if I could get a picture with them. They said sure and I asked a random lady to take the picture. They all gathered around me and Seth came next to me and stood right behind me.

It was all too crazy to comprehend at the time. I was there for Jason and watching him most of the time. Little did I know that an amazing band was right behind me. And Seth wanted to meet me. Me. I didn't see him do this to anyone else after me. Honestly, I still can't wrap my head around it. But needless to say, I am crushing BIG TIME! Not only is he gorgeous, but the band is fan-freaking-tastic. They are known to be a Christian rock band, but I feel like they are not just that. There are some songs that are clearly about that religion and God, but not all are so obvious or about that at all. They are a rock and roll band and they write about their lives. Being Christians is part of their lives, so that comes out in their writing. I love em. Really. You don't have to be christian (even though I am) to appreciate good music. Good music is good music. And I like good music.

I give you, me and needtobreathe...

Bo Rinehart, Seth Bolt, me, Joe Stillwell & Bear Rinehart

As I said, they are more than just pretty faces. I wanna introduce you to some of their music. I am really struggling to decide if I like acoustic or recorded tracks better. They are so fantastic acoustic, but with the songs on the album, you get Seth's amazing bass playing. I will never be able to choose.

My favorite song, Something Beautiful


Title track off their latest album, The Outsiders. With Seth playing bass.

And you should also watch the video for their best track, Washed By the Water, off their previous album, The Heat. It won't let me embed it, so please watch it here. Wet. That is all.

I was not looking for a new boy to swoon over. Believe me, I am occupied enough with the ones I already have. But when something this great falls in your lap, you can't ignore it. Just makes me swoon...

Please tell me what you think of the music. I am genuinely interested. Their 3 albums is all I have been playing for the last week. I'll also being going to see them on April 29th, in Tempe. WHOOP!

Don't worry. I have not forgotten Jason Castro. His EP is out now and his self-titled debut album comes out April 13th.

um... so yeah

Let's just skip the formalities and get down to what we're here for...

^^^ That was in a 24 hour span. And yes, he is wearing the same shirt. Trust me, I gave him crap about it. When I begged him to change, his response was, "But that means I would have to open my suitcase." Ah. Life on tour.

I saw Jason Castro when he was on tour with Matt Hires and Caitlin Crosby.

First I saw him in Tucson at The Solar Culture Gallery. I drove down (its a 2 hour drive) to Tucson that night and drove him after. There were very few people at this show. Maybe 30 or 35. It was a long, skinny venue that is also an art gallery. I was the first person there and the first person in the door. Needless to say, I was front and center. Great show. I know it was awkward for them, because there was so few people, but it was great for me. After his set, Jason went to the back of the room to meet the fans, before the next set. I just stood and watched him interact with people. It was great to see. I have supported him for so long, so seeing him with new fans makes me happy. I let them all have their moment with him, before I talked to him. He knew who I was (*squee*) and remembered that I had been asking him about something on twitter. What I was asking him about was a small show that he was doing the next day in Phoenix (before the show that night) that was sponsored by a radio station. I had tried the whole weekend prior, to win tickets. I called every hour and never won. I got as close as 1 number away from the caller they were asking for. I was so frustrated and sad. So I had asked him on twitter to hook me up. He remembered. When he asked me what I was asking him about, I reminded him and here's how that exchange went:

Jason says to me, "You were asking me about something..."

I said, "Yeah, for tickets to the radio show tomorrow."

"Well, are you going?"

"No, I never won tickets."

He makes a funny, devious face and says, "Come."

"Are you serious?" I say, freaking out.

"Yeah, come. I'll get you in. You know where it is, right?"

"Yeah, sure do."

And just like that... the man hooks me up. I got my picture with him (the one where I am wearing a scarf) and that was that. Surreal.

So the next afternoon, I went to the radio show. I knew I would get in, because even if Jason forgot, my friends had hooked me up via twitter. Ryan Star (who was also performing) was giving out tickets on twitter, while I was in Tucson. My friends talked to him and he said he would get me in too. I knew someone would remember. When I got the location, I saw Jason outside and he smiled at me and said, "I put you on the guest list." He remembered (*squee*). I walked up to the table to check in and got to say one of the greatest things I've ever said, "I am on Jason Castro's guest list. I'm Laura Anne." How I kept my composure, I will never know! I got right in the front for this show too. It was an acoustic show. There were 4 groups there. Matt Hires, Jason Castro, Needtobreathe and Ryan Star. Love. Love. Love. Love. Such amazing performances. You can watch most of them here. If you look thru the pictures, you might just see me too (*cough*picture 9*cough*). After the performances, I got to hang out with Jason again. That is when I gave him crap about his shirt. I got to talk to him a lot and tell him that all the girls (GOTH GIRL shout out!!) love him. He said that he knows. It was nice to hear him say that. We do love him and support and promote the crap out of him. So hearing that he knows that means a lot. I took another picture with him. I mean really... like I would miss an opportunity like that? That picture is the one where I am wearing the green shirt. I also got to meet and hang out with the other acts too. But more on that in the next post. :)

That same night, I dragged Chris along with me to see him again at The Rhythm Room in Phoenix. It was close to home this time. Only a 20 minute drive. I also met up with my friend Madi and her sister. She had never seen Jason live before. I am so glad that I got to be with her when she saw and met him. I love her so much. The show was great, as always. It was basically the same as the night before, but the crowd was much bigger. And if you doubted me, I was in the front for this one too. After the show, I was more interested in making sure Madi met him, but I also got another picture with him. By process of elimination, you know which one that is. There were lots more people to meet him, so I didn't get to talk to him much. But I thanked him for coming to AZ and he hugged me and thanked me for everything. It was a nice moment. I know it may just seem like a nice thing for him to say, but for me, it was much more. It was an affirmation. All our hard work finally paying off and him recognizing it.

It was a surreal 24 hours. I was on a high from it for days. It was amazing. I could not have chosen a better person to hitch my wagon to. And you know those eyes and that ass aren't too shabby either.

you can see my pictures here, here and here

hi there

I really don't know why I still have a blog. I've said this a million times. I love my blog. I've had it forever. But I have so many friends on twitter and facebook, so those are the places I talk. I think I am gonna try to post here and then post the links on twitter and facebook. I love talking and my own blog allows me to talk as much as I want.

So, here we go. Its 3:50am. I am awake. My days and nights have been switched for about a week and half. It only bothers me on the weekends. I don't get to see Chris all that much. But I like to think that I am giving him some alone time. He usually doesn't have that when he's home. I guess its how I justify it to myself. Its so easy to slip back into being up at night. Its actually easier for me than sleeping at night. But I don't really know why.

Things in life have been going pretty well lately. I am gonna post some individual posts for some things, but I guess I can give a summary here.

Chris can often be angry and upset at life. Mostly work and finances. I mean, that upsets most people. He just has a hard time letting these things go. Its been a problem. It has, honestly, effected our marriage. To the point where I wasn't sure about the future. But, a couple weeks ago he had an argument with his mother. He told her some things that he had been keeping inside for a really long time. Even though she didn't understand and now pretends like nothing happened, I think it was a release for him. He doesn't admit to this, but I know him. Since that argument, he has done a total 180. He has had periods of good moods before, but I want to believe this is different. He just decided he wants to be happy and be able to enjoy life. We have been talking a lot and really being honest with each other. I feel like we are closer than we have ever been. We are being more affectionate than we've been since the beginning of our marriage. Things are good. Really good. He still has his moments and I am not saint either. But he works at not letting the anger consume him and getting past it. This is so positive for us both.

That and all the great things that have been happening for me lately have made me very happy. I still don't have a job and that brings me down, but there is only so much control I have over that.

I am good. Real good.