can a dream suck & rule at the same time?

Last night - weird dream. I was fired from my job by someone who wasn't even my boss, but a co-worker. Weird. She told me that I had 20 minutes to get all my stuff and get out of the building. I asked for a box to pack it all up in and she would not let me have one. I kept saying, "How am I going to take all my stuff home?" And all she would say is that it was too bad. I also asked if I could call my husband so that he could pick me up. She said that I could no longer use company property. I said that I would call him on my cell and she said that they took that away too. I was finally able to convince her to give me my cell phone back and I guess I called Chris, but I don't really remember that part. Jump ahead and I was waiting for my ride. For some reason I was in the little kitchenette that we have at work and the hotness(as I am calling John Mayer from here on out on this blog) was there. He just hugged me. He is way taller than me (almost a foot-in real life & the dream), so my head was on his chest. He said that he was there to console me. We just stood like that for the longest time. Then suddenly, I am being pulled away down a hallway and the hotness is sitting on a couch with (way random!!) John Stamos. I was trying to stop whom ever was pulling me away, but I couldn't. Then I woke up.
What the hell does that mean? I need to not try to figure it out.

i don't know if i can commit

but I am gonna try the new show on TBS.
It premieres tonight. I am gonna record it. I'll let you know. If you watch it, don't wreck it for me. But you can tell me if you like it.

In other TV news, my favorite show is taking a break. BOO HISS. What ever will I do on Monday nights?? Heroes and What About Brian - please don't leave me!
So last night was the much hyped fall finale of Prison Break. What an amazing show! I love how it has turned. And I will tell you that I called this like a week ago. I really did. I was talking to a guy at work about it and said that I thought and hoped that he would turn good and help Michael and Link. I knew something was up when he didn't kill Sara. We love him because (so far) he saved our fine brothers. My love can be fleeting, so screw this up Kellerman and you are back on the shit list. And WHY DID SARA THROW AWAY THE PHONE!?!? HOW IS HE GONNA FIND HER NOW??? I know she thought he was back in prison, but she should know better by now. Ok, I could go on forever about this show.

TWO MONTHS IS TOO LONG TO WAIT, BASTARDS.
I guess I should be happy it's not like last year, with the half century gap between the two parts of the season.

great song

Go to their myspace to listen to it. You will not be disappointed. I like it a lot. If it sounds familiar, then you watch What About Brian or have at least seen the opening credits of the show.

ETA: I have been listening to this song over and over and I really like it. I am not 100% sure why, but I do.

i don't get it

I mean, I do get it. But I don't really know why on earth anyone would ever wear this shirt. I found it at Fashion Bug (a store I love with a passion). I am almost tempted to buy it just to see the look on peoples faces, but I won't. Seriously? Would you ever wear a shirt that says this? And what do you think it means? I've thought of a lot of different meanings, but I am still perplexed. I just keep shaking my head.

physically, it's finally over

I finally got a call from the doctor about the ultrasound I had over a week ago. I was not surprised to have not heard back from them last week since it was Thanksgiving. Anyway, they called yesterday and left me a message. Good news. All clear. I just realized that I had never really mentioned what this was all about. It does relate to my miscarriage. I don't know why I never mentioned it before. Maybe I was too afraid of what it meant. When they did the ultrasound at the doctors the day after my miscarriage, they found a cyst on my right ovary. The doctor was not concerned and told me that happens when you are pregnant. Cysts form because of the hormones. But they did want me to have a follow up ultrasound just to be sure that once my hormones balanced out, the cyst was gone. So on the 17th, I went for that ultrasound. It was very painful, even still and very emotional. I was afraid for what the cyst might mean. The doctor was so positive about it, but I couldn't help thinking it was something worse. Maybe the cause of my miscarriage. I tried not to freak out. I think I did a good job of that. But since I got the all clear, I am very happy. It really does mean that all my physical issues from the miscarriage are over. Maybe I can move on now...

the topic I keep avoiding

work.

Work is sucking right now. I really don't want to go into all the details. Basically I got on trouble. It was my fault. I know that what I am being accused of is true. I wish I could deny it, but I can't. I do take that responsibility. However, it is like they sought out things to punish me about. EVERYONE does what I was punished for. EVERYONE. But for some reason, they chose to go thru my calls and find things that are wrong. I don't want to seem paranoid, but I have had a strange feeling since I have been back from my leave of absence. It seems like they want me gone for good. I really don't get it. The management does not like me. I am beginning to wonder if it was because I was too honest on what was supposed to be an anonymous questionnaire. It's never really anonymous when you write it in your own hand writing. I guess I shouldn't have been as honest as I was. I don't really know if that is behind all this, but its the only thing I can think of. I am a good employee, for the most part. I just know the system and know how to work it. Maybe that's why. I just don't get why they don't like me. No one has told me that for a fact, but the vibe is so freakin obvious. I don't know how much longer I am gonna be there. I really don't want to get fired, but if it happens I will not be surprised. I tried to not let them know that what they are doing is really getting to me like it is. I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I don't really want to give them the satisfaction of firing me either. I can't really quit, but if I have to I will. I need to at least try to make thru the rest of the year. I hate that this is happening. Work chaos is the last thing I need right now. I had trouble sleeping last night, because I was thinking about this. I hope it doesn't happen tonight, but I have a feeling it will.

christmas already?

Part of what I did on Friday at my parents house is help my mother decorate her house for Christmas. Christmas? Seriously? It does not seem like we should be decorating already. But I guess it is that time of year. Chris took all the Christmas stuff out of the shed yesterday and put it on the back patio. I doubt that I will decorate for a couple weeks. We usually don't put the tree up right after Thanksgiving anyway. But, I did pull out my Christmas dishtowel and a couple of holiday scented candles to burn. But it just seems weird that it's time for that stuff already. I guess I have to take my fall wreath off the door. It just seems so strange to me for some reason. Oh, I did add the cute cacti holiday pics to my blog here. I thought they were super cute, seeing as I live in the desert. But I think that's all I am gonna do for a while.

i can be domestic - as long as its easy

My husband loves pecan pie. Since Thanksgiving was at my parents house, I told Chris that I would make him his own pie at home yesterday. I made it last night. It turned out nice. Not burned or anything. He hasn't eaten any of it yet, so I don't know if it tastes good. But I'll bet it does. I don't cook, but I CAN bake.

what's up with me?

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. We sure did. There was so much food that once we all ate, we hadn't made a dent in the food. Thanks to my mother and Chris for cooking all the yummy stuff. I am still here at my parents house. I spent the night here, because my mom and I have plans today. I figured I might as well stay here so that we can get an early start. No, we are not going shopping. We are not crazy! So, I'm here. Right now, my mom is taking my dad to the airport. He is going to see his mother and sister in Missouri for a few days. Neat.
What else is neat? I am going out to dinner tonight with a couple of friends. I wanted to write "friends from high school" but that would be wrong. I have known Carrie since kindergarten (shit - 24 years!) and Kearsten since 7th grade. But we did also go to high school together, so it would apply. Whatever. I am going out with them. I saw Carrie about a month or so ago, but I haven't seen Kearsten in a couple of years. I am a terrible friend. That is one thing that I have come to discover. Being an adult "friend" is much more difficult than being friends when you are young. When you are young, you want to go out and hang out and have fun. You call your friends and they want to do the same. Simple. But I don't want to go out that much anymore. Maybe its just me? I know there are adults who still go out and party, but that's just not my scene. Maybe that is why I have a hard time keeping my friends? Whatever. At least I am working on it now.
So, the other thing going on is the John Mayer/Jessica Simpson issue. My achilles heel, if you will. The issue that makes me angrier than even major drama at work. So, there have been denials (sort of) to Ryan Seacrest on the AMA preshow:

RS: Are you dating Jessica Simpson?
JM: Uh, No (really fast)
RS: Have you ever dated Jessica Simpson?
JM: I don't know man, I'm having a good time. I'm being good to the people who are good to me, which is difficult in this town. I enjoy talking to different people. I am not trying to mess with anyone's mind. I didn't wake up one morning and say, I'm tired of being me let me go be somebody else. I still feel more me than ever. I love playing music, I'm having a lot of fun in my life.

He looked really unhappy and did not want to be doing the interview at all. Even Chris said, while we were watching it, that he looked standoff-ish. When I say, "even Chris said" I mean that he does not pay attention to JM or his body language. I know he's seen him enough, but the point is that his attitude was REALLY obvious. There was also an interview that aired on EXTRA where they hinted to him about dating her and all he said was that he was happy. And there are also rumors of Jessica dating Tony Romo, the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. There are rumors John went to Texas for Thanksgiving. I don't know what to do with all this anymore. We all know he was in New York yesterday - there is no way to deny that since the video below proves it. So, we know he was not in Texas. Can't a boy go to the airport and run into people without dating them? WHATEVER. My take on it all. They are dating. And by dating, I mean in the regular usage of the word. Meaning going out and eating or doing things together. But I don't buy that they are DATING, like the media will have you believe. What I mean is, that they are exclusive and in love. I don't buy that for a second. I think he will realize that dating her is not the right thing for his career. He does not like the attention. He wants to make headlines for his music, not who he sleeps with. Well, at least that is what I thought. I am beginning to doubt this now. The fact that he denied (in a way) that he was dating her if he really is, makes him an ass. Imagine if you were dating him (ok - pause - dream - wake up) and he denied it on national television. Would you want to date him anymore? Not I. I would be pissed and think he was an ass. I don't want to believe that he is an ass. I want to believe that he got caught up and is trying to work it out. I still have hope, I guess. I also need to realize that even if he dates her (in either meaning of the word), its not the end of the world. But I'm telling you - if there is ever a duet or a collaboration of any kind - I am done.
So, here's the proof he was in NY. John's 3rd consecutive Thanksgiving performance on Letterman:

Are we supposed to assume anything by the song choice? I'm Gonna Find Another You. AUGH! I don't know.
Enjoy.
Happy black Friday!

neat

Police kill man reaching for gun in Metrocenter food court
I totally used to work at that mall. Fantastic.

Forced off one plane, Muslim clerics finally return
What the hell is wrong with the world?

I am still in such a bitter mood. Usually, I try to not let "news" bother me. But everything is pissing me off. The anger is getting old. I need to move on, but I can't seem too.

And yes, I watched the AMA's. And yes, the hotness was there.
and no, he was not with HER.
More tomorrow about my feelings on the JM/JS topic. (I know you're holding your breath.) Apparently there was a denial on E! News. Recording it tonight to see it for myself.

Gotta go to bed.

lyrics from Trust Myself by you know who

Who do you love?
Girl I see through, through your love
Who do you love?
Me or the thought of me
Me or the thought of me

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am still mad about this. Why? Damn it. I am getting angrier because I am still angry. A vicious circle.

i'm insane

I had a dream that John Mayer died. I guess I was so mad that I killed him in my dream. The funny thing - if a death dream can be funny - is that in the dream, I didn't believe it. People kept telling me and I just wouldn't believe them. It does not take a genius to interpret that dream.

Another funny thing... Chris asked me this morning if I was going to have to change my ring tone. He's been a good sport about all this. He even asked me if we needed to take another camping trip to burn some magazines. He knows I'm crazy.

ruined my night

edited to add: better quality (and others) here and here

freakin EXTRA. I guess its not EXTRA's fault. I should blame US Weekly for publishing the photos. EXTRA just showed them on air.

I knew another storm about this was brewing. Yesterday there were rumors, but they were few and far between. Today however, they are everywhere. Just like 3 months ago. I sat down tonight to watch EXTRA and their Couples News section came on. I thought to myself, "If they report on John and Jessica Simpson, I will be really upset." Then BAM! those pictures slapped me in the face. I paused the TV, screamed, hyperventilated (Chris said, "Do I have to call an ambulance?") and I will admit, cried a little. You can explain away lots of things, but when there are pictures you can't really say, "I'll believe it when I see it" anymore. I know that he had admitted to going out with her a couple of times back in the summer and these photos could very well be from then, but it doesn't matter. I guess maybe it matters how upset this has made me. It's not that I am jealous - ok TOTAL LIE. I am jealous as hell and I hate that fucking bitch. Hated her before, hate her more now. But that's not what this is about. It's that reality sucks. I live in my own little dream world and imagine that people are who I want them to be. Celebrities and "regular people." Then you find out they are really nothing like you thought - or hoped - they would be. This has happend in more than just this instance. She's a dumb blonde with big boobs. He's a guy. End of story. I won't go to the extreme of saying what some are - that they are no longer fans because of this. But I do agree with the person who wrote this on the message board: "I hope she breaks his heart, he deserves it for being that foolish."

I have been pissed off all night about this. I have yelled and screamed about everything. I know I need to let it go, but anger feels good right now. Unhealthy and insane, but good.

got me some candy yesterday

Candy Cane HERSHEY’S KISSES
They don't even have bits of candy cane in them. It's white mint chocolate with little chunks of something that resembles the texture of a candy cane, but not the taste. They are ok, but not great.

Tootsie Roll Mini Chews
I don't get these AT ALL. Tootsie Rolls are all chocolate. Why on earth would you need to cover chocolate with chocolate? Who even knows. They only good thing about them (well, besides the addictive tootsie rollness) is that they are little tiny bite size, about 1/2 and inch.

um... I got nothing here

from Jossip, from JANE

edited to add:

boo hiss

I totally disagree - like that's a shocker. I know, I know. John Mayer is not everyone's "sexiest" (although he did make the issue). But George Clooney? Again? Fer real? It's like they just crapped out. Like they didn't even try to figure it out. I know that they like to have someone who is "hot" right now. Meaning, in the public eye at the moment. Otherwise, there would be no way for them to really decide between the really hot ones (ie. Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, etc). Is Clooney in anything this year? Oh yeah, he's got that movie with Cate Blanchette coming out soon, but still. Whatever. I really think that it should have been Leonardo DiCaprio this year. It's about time on that one. Or Patrick Dempsey - who IS hot right now - on the best show on TV. That makes sense. But I guess the little pic he got on the cover is better than nothing. Whatever. I can't wait for the issue!!!

youtube is a close second to my DVR

The performance:


The interview:


And thanks mom for watching it with me last night.

Me: "Is Dad watching it too?"
Mom: "No. He's in the other room."
Me: "Then he doesn't care about me."
Mom: "He doesn't care about John Mayer."
Me: "Neither do you, but you are watching it because I care about him and you care about what I like."

and just a note... I know my Dad cares about me. I was kidding around.

this may be TOTAL TMI, but

I got my period today. Why is this blog worthy? It's a natural thing, right?
Well, after my miscarriage the doctor told me I should not have a period for about 6 weeks. Sounded good after the pain I had gone thru with the miscarriage. But my body - nooooooooooo. Had to go and regulate itself. My miscarriage was a month ago yesterday. So I am right on time, at least on "normal" period cycles. I know that its a good thing that my body regulated itself, but I the extra couple weeks would have been nice.

instead of edited to add - this needs its own post

I just finished watching Oprah. I need to thank whomever created the DVR. That thing is my life line and life saver. Ok, that's sickening and sad all at the same time. Ok, back to you... I mean... John... on Oprah. (sorry that is the song I have playing right now)
What a freaking cute and awesome boy. I am lucky to have a cool guy as my obsession. There are no clips on youtube, yet. boo. But I have it saved on my DVR and I will probably watch it live again tonight. So, what happened? Well, the performance was great. Strange camera angles, but whatever. The interview was good. Not so much a couch as two chairs. Oprah is a fool. I don't think she's even a fan. It was kind of obvious. And what happened to her face? I think the more weight she loses, the stranger she looks. It looks like her eyes are caving in. Anyhoo. They chatted about school and some other random stuff, but my favorite part was when Oprah asked him about buying an expensive sports car and he called her out. He laughed, like 'expensive? You're Oprah.' He then explained that he returned it. He said that he lost a lot of money on it, but after seeing the movie Murderball, he decided to live his life like it was "before the accident." So that way, if something ever does happen, he can say that he had a great life "before the accident." And with the car, he realized he was just driving around looking down at everyone and didn't want to live like that. She asked him what he did with the money once he returned the car. He said, "Watches. Lots of watches." What a freakin awesome dude.

Since I can't share clips from Oprah quite yet, I wanted to share the VW commercial that I have been meaning to post for awhile now. I have only seen this on TV once. They play the Slash version a lot more than this one. My favorite part is dragging the guitar along the top of the door. Love the face. Enjoy.

quote of the day

-In Repair by John Mayer

What does all that mean? Means that I am working on getting back on track. Things are hella rough right now in my life, but I think that it will just take time.
Well, I just realized I failed to mention that I am back at work. (Slow today, btw) I came back on Monday. I was really ready this time. I am glad that I took my time. Not much has changed and getting back makes life seem normal again. I still have this little bit of hesitation and... I can't really describe it... But it is getting better.

speaking of my mother

How did I get so lucky? My mother lets me dump on her like there's no tomorrow. That sounds really gross if you don't get that by "dump," I mean tell her about my problems. I like that my mother is one of my best friends. I would be totally lost without her.

speaking of PHX

Last night on Gilmore Girls, one of the characters said that Paris is the Phoenix of Europe. I highly doubt this, but having only been to one of the two, I cannot say for sure. It still made me laugh though. Big ups to the PHX.

I think that's what I will call it for awhile. PHX. And you have to spell it when you say it. I don't like living in a city without a nickname that shortens the name. No more 'Nati, not The Loo or even Chi town.

don't forget

Oprah today! John Mayer is on Oprah today, in case you don't scroll down my blog and/or don't read it, but if you don't read it then you are not reading this. That could go on forever. Anyhoo. It was taped live this morning. He blogged his visit.

OPRAH LIVE

Greetings from the green room at the Oprah show... I'll be on the show this morning LIVE and will be blogging the whole time. Looks like I won't be allowed to take photos back here, which is understandable since every year pastry companies invest millions of dollars into their breakfast planograms. Looks like I'll have to fall back on my grand command of the English language. Let me describe my surroundings: the room is not green, but can be described as a study in sandalwoods. I see no staining of any kind. The time is 8:29am CST, and the show will go live in 30 minutes. Time to rehearse the shot of me blogging and saying hello to Oprah from the sandalwood room.

TO BE CONTINUED...

POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 06:22 AM FROM CHICAGO, IL

---

About to go live via the camera in the sandalwood room to talk with Oprah for a quick second. (I really want to call her Ms. Winfrey.)
Hold on - getting the cue that the camera's about to come into the room... I have a two sentence conversation with Oprah and I'm more nervous than before playing a show...

Okay... relieved. Now on to playing....

POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 07:15 AM FROM CHICAGO, IL

---

SUCCESS

I did not trip, belch, swear or forget the words to my song, at least not all at the same time.
That was fun. Oprah's got the good ju-ju. She's easy to talk to. I don't know what that's like, being easy to talk to.
I bet if I were easy to talk to people would never shut up. I think I'll stick to being akward [his mis-spelling, not mine!] and off-putting.
To the airport...

POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 07:53 AM FROM CHICAGO, IL

Super cute. Apparently, they perform Waiting and he gets couch time. Couch time is major for musicians. Most shows just want them on to perform. But he has such a great personality that I wish more shows let him talk too. Anyhoo. Oprah is on twice a day (the same episode aired twice) in the PHX. So, if you miss it at 3pm, catch it at 9pm (hint, mother!). Can't wait. Thank goodness for DVR so that I don't have to wait!

i made my parents a scrapbook

My parents went on this two week long cruise last fall and before they left I told them that I was going to make them a scrapbook and to pick up things along their trip that they would like to have in the book. They came home with so many postcards, brochures, maps and photos that I realized this was going to be a major undertaking. I thought that it would be super easy, but boy was I wrong. It took major planning and a lot of work, but I have finally finished the book. It is 48 pages in total. And these aren't small pages. Each page is 12"x12". Making it a HUGE scrapbook. I finished the last page on Wednesday night. It's well over a year since their trip, but they love the book. Both of my parents viewed the book separately and they both said (without realizing the other had said this too) that I should enter the book in some contest if one exists. How funny that they both said that. I don't really think it's contest worthy, but I am very proud of it. And glad that it's finished!

Here is a photo of the first page:
(it's difficult to photograph!)

happy veterans day

why am I still awake?

Was it the tank-o-soda (AKA king size Coke from Burger King) that I have been sipping on since about 8:30pm? I would say yes. I am planning on going back to work on Monday and it would be nice to get my sleeping pattern back on track. No such luck tonight. Chris is still up sitting right next to me. He is working on his new computer. Oh, I failed to mention this! We both got new computers. We have not have NEW computers in... well, ever. He has just been piecing them together to keep them both functioning for as long as we've been married. But we decided now was the time to get new computers for both of us. He put them together, of course. (For those not in the know - he is a computer geek.) He is still working out the kinks on his machine and hopefully I will have mine working tomorrow or Sunday. I am really glad about this. It means that I will actually be able to have more than one application running on my computer at the same time. Hooray! I think I need to try to go to bed. At least put on my pajamas and lay in the bed and hope for the best. Goodnight.

total 90's flashback

In honor of my 29th birthday (a week late) - I give you my Glamour Shots...




OK, stop laughing. I had these taken for my 16th birthday. Dear lord, what was I thinking? Glamour Shots were so cool back then. I thought I was the shit.

OPRAH!!

On November 15th, the Grammy-winning singer/songwriter will make his first live performance on The Oprah Winfrey Show (check local listings) and also plans a performance on the American Music Awards on November 21 at 8pm ET/PT on ABC. Mayer's AMA performance that night of "Belief," (the second single from CONTINUUM) will feature both fans and familiar faces who have responded to Mayer's "What Do You Believe" query posted on his website, JohnMayer.com. Submissions of photos and a "belief" statement (in ten words or less) are being accepted through Mayer's website until 12:00am EST Monday, November 13th. Selected entries will be featured during his AMA performance.

A special Thanksgiving performance on The Late Show with David Letterman is planned for November 23, 2006. The performance will be Mayer's third consecutive holiday visit to the set of the Late Show.

Read the rest of the press release, here

and you can't forget THE best news of the week...

Bush Says Rumsfeld Is Stepping Down

i am proud (to be an AZ citizen)

Anti-gay marriage measure loses in Arizona
Voters in the historically conservative state of Arizona have become the first in the nation to reject a ballot measure banning same-sex marriage.

Problem is, same-sex marriage is already was illegal under state law, but not as part of the constitution. The proposition on yesterday's ballot would have added it to the state constitution. I think the fact that the proposition did not pass is a sign and a positive step in changing the law. Changing the law is a lot easier than changing the constitution.

I am also proud that we re-elected our great governor, Janet Napolitano. She rocks. I am proud that the scum bag, JD Hayworth was not re-elected to the House. He has yet to face the reality and concede, but it's only a matter of time.

sunsets in the shower

#18

but the sky had a better view from a different angle, so I went outside and took this facing southwest, instead of west (where the shower pics are taken).

she finally woke up

Britney Spears Files for Divorce

this cracked me up

I did. Did you?

i was supposed to go back to work today

I had really good intentions. I was all ready to go to work today. At least I thought I was. But last night, I couldn't sleep. I was finally able to get to sleep and my alarm goes off. I snoozed it for as long as I could, then I laid there for a while. I probably should have just gotten up and ignored my feelings. Because my feelings overwhelmed me and I realized I am not ready to go back to work. I really, truly thought I was. But the more I thought about it, the less confident I felt. I know that I have to go back. I will. I had really good intentions. My boss told me to take as long as I need and to just keep her updated. I had told her initially that today would be the day, but it's not.
I am disappointed in myself. I thought that I had my shit together. But then when the reality of the situation came, I couldn't deal. I know I should just jump back on the horse, so to speak. Chris is concerned that I will never be ready to go back. I understand his concern, but what am I supposed to do. I need to figure out a way to deal with my emotional baggage. I am giving myself one more week. I will take this week and not ignore my feelings. I will try to get my head right. But I will go back.

sunsets in the shower

#17

guess who is one of PEOPLE's 100 sexiest men?

Can't wait for that issue!!

thanks and gifts-o-rama

Thanks to my family for all the great gifts!


I have complied photos (most found online & a couple taken by myself) of all the wonderful gifts I received!












along with a votive holder, candle, sponge and candy