stuff and junk

The glucose test was basically painless. Took blood. Had to drink this sugar stuff. It was like flat orange soda with tons of sugar added. It made me sick, because it was sooo much sugar and I am not really eating much sugar anymore. Plus, I was fasting so it was on an empty stomach. After drinking the stuff, I had to sit in the waiting room for 2 hours. I had rented a movie and watched it on my ipod. Thank goodness I did that. I helped the time fly by. I watched P.S. I Love You. I was good, but super sappy. I had to stop myself from crying in public. So, after waiting 2 hours, they took my blood again and then that was it.

I weighed myself yesterday. Lost 5 more pounds. That means since February, I have lost 18 pounds. Not a lot, but slow and steady wins the race. I have more changed the way I eat. I still eat most of what I want, just much less of it. This weight loss also accomplished going below a major number. I am so happy to be below that number, it's not even funny.

Saw SATC the movie yesterday. Loved it. I said to my mom before it started, that I was gonna be bummed when it was over. She didn't understand. What I meant was that I will want more and I doubt there will ever be more. I loved that show so much and I never want it to end. I want to stay involved in these womens lives. I know they are not real, but you feel like they are. The movie was cute. It was surprisingly long. There were a few parts that dragged along, but it was worth seeing.

I AM KEEPING THE LAPTOP!!! I borrowed my dad's laptop for our trip to Cincinnati. I have been using it ever since. I love having it and never wanted to give it back. So yesterday, my dad said that we would sell it to us for a great deal. We could not pass up the opportunity to get a laptop at a great price, so we are buying it. I am so happy and so thankful to my dad for allowing us to buy it. YEAH!!!

The new NKOTB song is REALLY BAD! They sound good, but the song is sooo dumb.

The new hotness concert DVD, Where The Light Is: John Mayer Live In Los Angeles, comes out on July 1, 2008. (That will be an awesome day for me. JM DVD and Idol concert in the same day!!) Already pre-ordered it on amazon.

just for good measure...

song in my head 05/29/08

Bubbly by Colbie Caillat
I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feelin' like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tingles in a silly place

Nope. Doesn't make me think of anyone at all...

tomorrow...

Duh! Sex and the City opens tomorrow and heck yeah, I will be there. Tomorrow morning, I have a glucose tolerance test. It was ordered by the endo to see if I am pre-diabetic. That means I gotta fast. The test will take 2 hours. I have to go at 8:00am. I have a movie loaded into my ipod to watch, but I bet I will end up falling asleep. I have been up late every night this week and I am sooo tired. I even snooze between calls at work. Those pesky customers keep interrupting my nap time. So, after the test, the momma is coming over and we are going to the movie. I am looking forward to it. It has been a very strange week. I am glad its over. Now if I could just get some sleep... Oh right, I slept in until 12:30pm on Sunday! Yikes! hehe

um... hello there

the sleeve has grown on me... loving it now! Oh and did you know he had the 77 tattoo just for me? Or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
source

edited to add: speaking of the hotness... MY TICKETS ARRIVED TODAY! woo hoo

www.rockwalllovesjason.com

edited to add:
how cute! His brother & sister were there at the parade.

source

song in my head 05/26/08

Leavin' by Jesse McCartney
Let me take this moment to include my disclaimer - Just because the song is in my head, does not mean I like the song. It does not mean I dislike it, either. Songs just stick in my head and I have no control over it.

there are no words

song in my head 05/24/08

The Space Between by Dave Matthews Band

a cute baby. why not?

It's been a while since I have gotten any new photos of our friends baby... well, she's not really a baby so much anymore. She is 19 months old now. She is just too darn cute not to share... I am just so glad to see that she is happy.
Love this kid.
Scarlett Aurora, age 19 months

quick reminder

The American Idols are going to be on Larry King Live tonite and Monday! It's a 2-parter. Not sure who will be on which night, but watch (or record) them both, just in case.

"you don't feel any different, do you?"

That is what my sister asked me today. As of today, I have been taking the anti-depressants for one week. The doctor told me that it would take at least 4 weeks to get the full effect. I was never expecting a miracle cure. I know that I have to work thru my issues and that popping a pill won't do the trick. I think that I am in an ok place in my life right now (way better than I have been in the last couple months) and so I am not all that depressed. I think that I need to stick it out with the pills for awhile and see what they can really do. I feel like my emotional state is a roller coaster. And no, its not only PMS associated. I know the difference. The doctor basically forced me to prove to him that my depression is not only PMS associated. That made me a little mad. I go thru peaks and valleys, but they are not that easily explained. Anyway. I am still waiting, but not giving up hope.

this is nuts

As I write this, it is raining and 64 degrees outside. Why does this matter? Well, on Monday it was 110 degrees outside at almost this same time. This is the strangest weather change I think I have ever seen. I have lived in AZ almost my entire life and I don't ever remember a swing in weather like this. Now, I am not complaining. Don't get me wrong. I just don't get it. It's almost a tease. We were getting geared up for a long hot summer and the boom - cold and rainy. We all know the heat is coming, but this is a really nice break.

best of idol - finale - cookie takes it

A huge congratulations to David Cook. He deserves this. He is a great and humble guy with a lot of talent. He's got a fan in me. There is so much I could I say right now about the finale, but I really just want to leave it on a happy note.

Enjoy this... David Cook's first single, The Time of My Life

But did you really think I would have a post only about Cookie? Um, no. Somebody was looking mighty fine last night...

And somebody sung their ass off! This was his gift to the faithful dreadheads...

I will leave it with that, for now, because somebody leaves me speechless...

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*jumping up and down in my chair*

HE'S GONNA SING HALLELUJAH!!!

I can hardly contain myself...

Whom ever wins is totally irrelevant to me right now.

woo hoo

edited to add:
JUST CUZ...

ignoring Idol

This is me, pretending to ignore Idol. Yes, I watched it. And tomorrow is gonna be super sweet. The top 10 will be there...

Anyway. That is not the purpose of this post.

This is all about new Alanis Morissette. The new album, Flavors Of Entanglement comes out June 10th. The new video for the first single, Underneath, is out. Check it out:

See, there is more to life than Jason Castro. Not much, but there is something...

i need a smile today...

Oh look. A gorgeous boy with smiles to spare!

idol itunes

Apparently, TBTB (the powers that be) are going to be taking the Idol songs off of itunes around the time of the finale. Before or after, I am not sure. But since that is only a couple of days away, I wanted to give a couple of recommendations. I have purchased all the Jason Castro performances, studio versions and videos, but I know that there are not many freaks like me out there. So, if you only wanted to purchase two songs from itunes, these are the ones I recommend buying:

Somewhere Over the Rainbow (studio version) by Jason Castro
Always Be My Baby (studio version) by David Cook

Yes, I did just recommend that you buy a David Cook song. No, I am not going crazy. Listen, I am as big a Jason Castro fan as you can find, but I am not dumb. I know good music. David Cook is a great singer. He deserves to win the show. His version of Always Be My Baby is amazing. I listen to it over and over. And Jason's cover of SOTR is beyond amazing. It is his personal favorite performance and it is the perfect example of what kind of a singer he is. (My other favorites are the studio versions of Fragile and Travelin Thru) So please, go purchase these two songs. Come on! It's $2.00. You can afford it.

song in my head 05/18/08

Not the Doctor (from Jagged Little Pill Acoustic) by Alanis Morissette

junk & tickets

So, the shrink went fine. It was the first ever visit, so I wasn't expecting much. We talked. Got some diagnosis based on said talking and got some drugs. I really wasn't going just to get drugs. The doctor even said that he is not a pill pusher, but he believes that anti-depressants will help. He believes that the pills will help with the depression and anxiety. He also said that what I was going thru in February was full on panic attacks. I figured as much, but hearing it from a doctor really helps. That has been the case with all the doctors I have been going to lately. The better I feel, the more I believe the doctors. It's not that I thought they were lying, I just still felt bad and no one could tell me why. It does really suck to realize that you can make yourself so sick like that. So, I got a prescription and made an appointment with the therapist. The shrink thinks I need to do both. I know that talking therapy (as the shrink called it) is really what I need, but the doctor believes I should do both in conjunction. He said that there is no way to find out if the pills will work until you try them. So, I am trying it all. I feel good about it. I am in a good place right now, but I go thru cycles. I need to work on things in my past while I am dealing on my own with the things in my present. And I have the therapist there for when I can't deal with the present. That might not make sense, but it's all I got right now...

Today was ticket day. The tickets to the American Idol tour went on sale this morning. There was a presale a few days ago, but they did not release very good seats for the presale. So I decided to wait to see what I could get when the tickets went on sale to the public. I got 15th row on the floor. That was really the best I could find. I went for it. I decided to go by myself. I had originally planned to drag my mom to the show with me, but I then decided that I really wanted to try to get seats as close as I could. I knew that my mom would not be thrilled to be on the floor among all the crazies. So, I decided to just go by myself. Plus, I might be meeting some forum people at the show just to say hey. I didn't want to put my mom thru all that mess either. I am ok with going by myself. I am always so caught up in the show and I tend to ignore the person I am with anyway. Speaking of that... Today, I also bought our lawn seats to the John Mayer concert. hehe. As my sister said, I dropped a boat load at ticketmaster today. But it is soooooo worth it.

finally

Tomorrow is the day.

I am going to the shrink. I have put it off way too long. For too many years. I have no expectations. Ok, that is not true. Deep down I have hope, but it takes a lot for me to allow that hope to bubble up and materialize. I am glad that I have found a little hope. I thought I had lost it completely. I just really want to feel better. None of the other doctors have worked, so I am at my last resort. If this does not work, then I don't know what I will do.

Tomorrow is a big step for me. It may be easy for some people to take this step, but I have resisted for far too long. I am really gonna do this.

But I will say, my nightly chats with my online friends, is some awesome therapy. I am starting to believe, again, that things really do happen for a reason. I met them when I needed a friend. They fell into my lap and I appreciate them more than they will ever know.

So. Shrink. Tomorrow. Who knew?

that smile

That smile is my favorite thing in the entire world.

at Krohn Conservatory, May 8, 2008

for my girls

The day we fell in love...

The day we fell in lust...


*hugs*

getting caught up

So much life happened while I was in Ohio and I feel my poor blog got neglected. Since I came home from work today feeling like shit (stomach ache and vomiting, not a pretty sight at work!), I am trying to get caught up on everything. Sure, I have been home for what? 4 days? Yeah, whatever. I have no life. I get home from work and get right on the damn computer. We (meaning my online friends) have basically abandoned the Idol forum and moved to a new location that will remain unmentioned (I don't want y'all tracking me down!). So, I get home and get right on the boards. Then late night chats with my girls. I am getting used to staying up late again. It really isn't making me so tired, or maybe I am just getting used it. I am wondering why I said that I have no life. I like this life. I like talking to my friends. Your life is what you make it. I am all over the place right now. I am feeling so crappy that I think I am out of my mind.
Anyway, my reason for posting is that I wanted to share when Jason was on Jay Leno. This was last Thursday night. I watched it in Ohio. I wished he would have been interviewed, instead of the fed some random lines to say. I am sharing this video, because to me it is Old and New. Once you watch it, you will understand. Well, only if I share the following: I used to love Huey Lewis. This was when I was really young. I had all the albums on cassette tape! So, here you go...

Dumb, right? But such a cute boy! Hair flip!! *dies*

What else happened? Sports... Oh, the Suns don't have a coach anymore: D'Antoni accepts Knicks' offer. What else? Eric Byrnes hasn't had a hit in the month of May, but the Diamondbacks are still in first place! I haven't watched a game in weeks... And I really have no idea what is happening in the NBA playoffs. I really don't. I don't much care, either.

Gas is more expensive in Ohio than Phoenix. It was $3.79 in Cincinnati and its around $3.49 here.

The hotness is heating it up with Jennifer Aniston. I don't put much weight on it. He is not looking for a wife right now. He used to be, but he knows what he has now and he is not gonna settle down anytime soon. Dare I say that he has changed? I blame Jessica. Bitch. And, no! I haven't bought the tickets for the show yet. I decided that we (yes, I am dragging Chris) are gonna get lawn seats. I can get those anytime, so I am waiting. I need to do it soon, but I have my Idol tour tickets to buy first. Are my priorities out of whack? Damn you Jason Castro.

So, what do I have to do this weekend? I have like 3 weeks worth of laundry. My house is a pig sty. It has been like that for weeks. Maybe I need to tend to it. I also have to complete the questionnaire for the sister's annulment. Yikes. That is gonna be tough, but I think that I can manage.

I think I need to shut up now...

trying to kill the hotness?

What? Who ever that is better get the f***ing gun away from the hotness!

Ok, whatever. He took a self defense course...
Guess the paparazzi might get out of control one day. You never know.

because we no longer watch "the show" anymore...

"That's what I like to do, ya know. And if that's what makes people go crazy, than that's cool, ya know. That's the kind of fans I want. People that are moved by the music. And ah yeah, I'll take all the fans I can get."
- Jason Castro, EW.com Idolatry interview, part III

photos galore

I took so many photos on our trip... too many to post here. But you can check them out on my flickr.

Here are the links...

Sarah's Graduation

Cincinnati Chili

Krohn Conservatory

Downtown Cincinnati & Over the Rhine

Union Terminal

this is where we used to live

Eden Park

Mt. Airy

Misc Cincinnati

guess what i don't have to do tonite?

I don't have to spend 2 whole hours voting my ass off and wearing down my phone battery.

What a relief...

congratulations on your graduation, Sarah

day 3 & day 4 - in Cincinnati

Well, first off... we are home. We got home Sunday night. Not a full flight, so that was a plus. Got a little shut eye on the plane, which was nice. I did not get much sleep on this trip. I guess I haven't been getting much sleep in the last few weeks. Oh well.
Anyway, the weekend consisted of my sister-in-law's graduation. Saturday was the massive ceremony and Sunday was the smaller, college of education ceremony. Saturday was the first day of the trip that we encountered the in-laws. They don't live in Cincinnati, so we were not planning on seeing them until then, anyway. I hate to admit this, but it was pretty painless. I get myself all worked up over dealing with my mother-in-law and then it all works out ok. The graduation on Saturday was... well... a disaster. Not for reasons you may assume. It was a disaster, because we (Chris & I) got sunburned. Saturday was the only day on the whole trip that it did not rain. Imagine that? It was a good thing, because the ceremony was outside in the football stadium. But really? Who leaves Arizona, where it is 95 degrees and goes to Ohio and gets sunburned? Dorks who don't think about sunscreen, that's for sure. After the graduation, we went to dinner all together (father-in-law, mother-in-law, both sister's-in-law, sister-in-law's fiance, and me & Chris). Loads of family fun there. Sunday was the smaller ceremony, inside. That was good, because it was pouring rain. It was much shorter (only an hour; the first one was 2 hours) and it was the one where they actually read the names of the graduates. My sister-in-law graduated magna cum laude with a degree in English from the College of Education. She got a job as a 6th grade English teacher. We are very proud of her. Anyway, after the ceremony on Sunday, we had to leave to head to the airport. The airport was a 2 hour drive away. We got there really early, because checking in and security took about 10 minutes combined. It was awesome, but not so great when you allow for it to take 2 hours. But we made it thru the visit. It actually was not terrible. We had a lot of fun seeing all our old hang outs and eating all our favorite foods. I am glad we got to spend time there on our own and it was really great to see the family too. I knew it was all worth it when we were leaving for the airport, my sister-in-law (the one that graduated), started to cry when I hugged her. This trip was about her and she was happy we were there. So were we.

song in my head 05/12/08

I'm Not Who I Was
written by Brandon Heath
sung by Jason Castro

the song stops at 3:15 minute mark...

happy mother's day

day 1 & day 2 - in Cincinnati

Over the past two days, we have just been hanging out. It has actually been quit nice to not have an agenda. All we really wanted to do was travel around and see all the places we loved about this city. Yesterday, we went to Union Terminal, downtown, Over the Rhine, Eden Park and Krohn Conservatory. They were having the annual butterfly show at the conservatory and I was so excited that we got to see it again. We had gone many times when we lived here. I got some great photos and I am in the process of posting them on my flickr. I will post them here (and my 366) when I get home. Today, we went to see all the places we used to live. We also went to Mt. Airy to play a little disc golf (but the ground was really muddy. It rained all day Wednesday and Thursday!) We also have been eating at some of our favorite places. Since I know some foodies, I will share the restaurants now:
Camp Washington
Mt. Adams Bar & Grill
Burbanks
Andy's Mediterranean Grille
Graeter's
Tomorrow is my sister-in-law, Sarah's graduation from Miami University. We will be busy with that all day. We also get to see the rest of the in-laws tomorrow too. That should be fun.
I will post more about all this when I have more time. :)

deep sigh

Well, yesterday was quite a day. It's tough to decide where to start. I guess with the most important...

You thought I was gonna start with American Idol, didn't you?
Well, you are wrong.

Yesterday, Chris and I flew to Ohio. Surprisingly, everything with the flight went fine. Checking in and security took like 30 minutes total. And the flight, as uncomfortable as a full flight is, went well. Right on time leaving and arriving. Getting rental car and getting to Cincinnati went alright too. Who knew that once we got here all hell would break loose. I guess I am being over dramatic about what happened, but it was really bad timing. We arrived at our hotel at around 8:50pm. I was so excited, because we were gonna be in our room in time to watch American Idol (see, its all connected!), but little did I know. When we got here, they had no record of our reservation. We had made the reservation on Orbitz.com. The biggest issue was that this is graduation weekend for lots of schools and all the hotels all over town are booked. So, if they didn't have room for us, we were screwed. It took forever, including us having to call Orbitz ourselves to try to resolve the issue, but I finally got a room key at about 9:40pm. Chris was still dealing with the front desk, but they had a room for us and so they let me go up. I practically ran thru the damn hotel. I made it in time to see the end of the show... more on that later. The hotel finally worked it out with Orbitz and everything is fine now. The hotel manager even called our room this morning to let us know that he was aware of what happened and wanted to make sure everything was ok now. That was impressive. The guys at the front desk last night did eventually step up and help us, but I really would have liked if they have stepped up a little sooner. We waited for way too long before they said, "We will get you a room and work this out." After we unpacked (and the show was over), we went for chili. It has been 6 years since we have had Cincinnati chili and since we were here, we couldn't wait any longer. Well, worth the wait! You know I had to photo the chili. hehe.

Ok, now the rest. I have dealt enough to be able to talk about the fact that Jason Castro was kicked of American Idol last night. I believe that there is NO WAY that Syesha got more votes than Jason. It is impossible. It is the Idol machine that chewed him up and spit him out. They wanted to do that last week, but couldn't. They jumped on it this week, especially after he forgot the words. Just a reminder that one of the remaining contestants has done that 3 times and is still there. But what do I know? Anyway. I am angry about the fact that the show is rigged. But I am at peace with him being gone. Sure, selfishly I wanted to see his beautiful face and hear his amazing voice for another 2 weeks. But he was done. He did many TV interviews this morning on all the Fox affiliates and he said that he was relieved to leave. He also said that he wanted to still be on the show, but now that he is off it is a relief. Understandable. He just looked so happy on the interviews this morning and I am so glad. He now has to chance to be himself and sing the songs he wants to sing. He is free from the Idol machine. This is all I wanted for him, anyway. If he's happy, then there is no reason I should be sad. There is still the finale and the tour (less than 2 months away!!). And after the tour, his career. He has made life long fans and I am one of them. So I say this: Thank you for everything, Jason. You have brought something special and unique to the lives of your fans. You have graced us with your gift and we will forever be grateful. You have also brought some amazing people in to my life. People I hope I can be friends with for a long time after Idol. Again, thank you thank you thank you.
For my final goodbye, I share with you the studio version of Mr. Tambourine Man (full length version, with all the words.) by Jason Castro. Trust me, it is worth a listen.
And now what happens? I don't care. As long as Archuleta does not win, I am good.

Todays events and maybe even some photos coming later...

american idol

I don't want to talk about it. Not now, at least. I might be able to find the right words to describe how I feel, at a later date. But until then... I leave you with this...

things to do before we leave

I'm gonna make a list here for myself, just in case I forget anything...

finish laundry

pack

upload all music/videos/movies to ipod

buy batteries for camera

buy healthy treats for plane/hotel

watch American Idol/vote like crazy for Jason Castro

chat with my friends

did I say pack?

fill prescriptions

tan legs with Jergens natural glow express Body Moisturizer - it really works on my pasty legs! Doesn't really make them look tan, just not so ghostly.

lappie

Ever since my sister told me she named her lap top, lappie, I have called all lap top's lappie. Random. I know. I mention this because I am currently typing this in a lappie. My dear father has allowed me to borrow his lap top to take on the trip (HOLY CRAP! We leave on Wednesday!) and he brought it over for me yesterday. Well, both my parents brought it, but still. I am forever grateful that he let me borrow it. Yes, I want to keep in touch with my friends, but that is not the only reason. I live on the computer. I did before just recently. I have had a computer since I was in like 1st or 2nd grade. I don't usually go a day without one and I don't really want to. I like being informed. I like having access to information. So, being in a hotel for 4 days with no computer is like being on a deserted island. I will not have to find out what that's like (although, if forced to, I could manage with out! I swear.), because I have one now! Maybe I will never give it back. It is so nice to sit on the couch instead of my uncomfortable desk chair!

to my sister-in-law, Linda

it's been a rough week

What with all the Idol controversy, late nights online and doctors appointments. I am exhausted. How did I ever stay up late? I feel like such an old lady. And I was only staying up until midnight (Monday, Tuesday & Thursday) and I am still so tired. Maybe its because I gave up caffeine, so I have nothing to get my thru the day. Oh well. It's been worth it.
Ok, lets recap:

American Idol - My feelings on Jason: I, selfishly, want him to stay. Who wouldn't want to keep looking at him and watching him perform? I know I do. But I honestly don't want him to win. He would be ruined by the pop idol machine. He needs to come in 3rd. That way he can get the recognition he deserves (meaning do all the talk shows, press, etc), but still be on for a little longer. We all know it should be an all David finale. That is what is destined to be. So, after this week, I might not vote anymore. Not that my few 1000 votes really make a difference, but who knows. And about the Entertainment Weekly article: 1st, the balloons were pretty weird. Fun and crazy, but weird. Especially for a humble guy not used to the attention. 2nd, Can't blame a guy for being tired and wanting to go home. For the same reason as the balloons being weird. I am sure it is an insane life and every one wants to get off the bus once in a while. So, with that. I say as long as he's around I'll be happy. But when he leaves, I will be at peace too.

late nights online - I have been chatting with my girls every nite. Such fun! We are still kinda paranoid about getting kicked off the boards again, so its been a chat room for us. But I actually don't care so much about the boards. It is full of naive people who are unrealistic. I need to deal with reality more than rainbows and balloons. The boards have their place. But it gets to be too much most days. I am so glad to have my friends who share my same opinions. We vent and so much more!!

Doctor appointment - I went to the endocrinologist yesterday. Guess what? Nothing I didn't already know. Duh! So I have insulin resistance. Not diabetes. She is gonna run some tests to determine if I am pre-diabetic or not. I will have to deal with that when we get back. And she also dropped the earth shattering bomb of "You need to lose weight." OH. Shock of shocks. I know I am being really cynical lately, but I am sorta sick of all this. I am sick and tired of being sick. I have lost 13 pounds since February. And I haven't really been trying too hard. I feel good about the weight that I have lost, but I know that I need to lose more. The new doctor wants me to work really hard on it and she thinks that it will make a major difference. She also does not believe the numbness in my extremities is related to diabetes or anything else. So, still no answers, besides the obvious. All the same conclusions are being drawn by all the doctors. They know nothing other than that I need to lose weight. I am working on that, people. Cut me some slack. I know I am slowly killing myself. I don't want to die, so the only option I am faced with is the one I have struggled with my entire life. Not much comfort to be found in that.

Oh well. I guess I gotta get some stuff together this weekend. We are leaving for the 'Nati on Wednesday (and yes, I know I will miss the results show due to our travelling. I am not pleased about this, but my friends will text me!)

i figured something out today

I decided that I am tired of defending myself and the choices I make. My life is my life. I decide what I do. I am sick of thinking what others might think about my actions before doing them. I have been so caught up in that for too long. I want the freedom to make decisions without worry about others opinions or reactions. I am not gonna become a selfish bitch. You know that will never happen. But I am really gonna stop defending myself. If you love me, you do. Why do I need to make you understand why I do what I do? I don't. I get that now. Accept me for who I am.

lets just leave it at this

Laura = happy camper!