focus on the positive

So I guess that the best thing to do is focus on the positive. I have been so depressed since the panic attack I had on Wednesday. I had therapy today and was basically told that this is gonna happen. I am gonna have anxiety and probably more panic attacks. He says that how I deal with it after it happens is what is important. And clearly being depressed and angry about having a panic attack is not the way to go. I also should not fight it when it happens. Getting angry that it happened is not the way to deal with it. He tells me I need to just ride the wave when it happens and not try to fight it so much. We are working on understanding why it happens and how to deal with it when it does happen. So, he told me not to discount the progress that I made, but also help me understand that this is something I will have to deal with my whole life. Its not really something that is ever cured. Its all in how you deal with it.

So, I am trying the whole "being positive" thing.

One thing I do have to be happy about is... I have lost 5 more pounds. That is a total of 23 in the last 5 months. I know that it's not that much, but its something. I have changed the way I eat. I cannot eat too much sweet stuff without feeling ill. That is a good thing. I still eat snacks and treats, but not nearly like I used to. I just can't. I actually tried to drink some Sprite yesterday and I had to throw it out. It was too sweet. Can you even believe that? I can't. I am glad, but it just shocks me. The changes I have made have not been a diet. It has been a change in eating style. I just eat less and only when I am hungry. Plus, the things I have been eating are better for me. More salads and things and WAY less grease. Anyway.

I still don't know how I feel about everything. Tomorrow is a difficult day. It will be one year since my last miscarriage... My therapist says that I need to not put such weight on anniversaries and dates, because they control me. I just need some time to mourn and dwell. But just like he said about everything else, its how I deal with it after it happens that is what matters.