not really a record that needed to be broken...

Today is the day that allows us to tell our grandchildren that we were here in the summer of 2007.

The Valley of the Sun lived up to its name Wednesday, as locals sweltered through a record-setting 29th day of 110-plus degree heat. Sky Harbor International Airport reported 112 degrees at 3:45 this afternoon.
source

What that means is... today was the 29th day of this year that we reached over 110 degrees. That is the most days in one year of over 110 degrees, EVER!
The hottest summer EVER!

Global what?

...but it's a dry heat!

Don't give me that shit! I burned my hand on my car door on Monday. The fact that it's dry doesn't mean shit when all you do is close the car door and you burn yourself.

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

This is me and my grandmother in the summer of 2002. She turns 90 years old today. She is the only grandparent I have left. She is my dad's mom. My parents are in Missouri (where my Grandma lives with my aunt and uncle) to celebrate with her today. Since I could not be there, I sent her flowers. I hope that I inherited her longevity. She is a sweet lady and we have the same hands. :)

life check

The birthday is creeping up on me...


I am trying to plan a trip with my family for the birthday and I think it might finally be coming together. I guess that's because I finally decided what I want to do.

Work seems to be ok. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but not yet. I feel like I have recommitted to being there. Not that I am happy about it, but we need the money and I really need to get out of the house and work takes care of both.

My health is strange right now. ***warning - way too much information about to be shared*** I have not had a period in a really long time (since May). I am not complaining. I guess you can consider the results of the miscarriage, a period, but its not really. It feels like one, but its not the same. Well, it is... but whatever. The doctor told me last week that if I don't start by Friday, she is going to give me a pill to start one. Weird.

The situation with my parents is still odd. Better, but odd. It is very difficult when there are many personalities involved and that leads to many misunderstandings. That is what a family is all about. There is hope and all I can do is be supportive of what decisions are made.

Whatever. Another week is starting and I guess all I can do is go day by day.

Oh, one last thing. Chris made coconut shrimp tonight. Holy crap!!! It was soooo good. I am so lucky to have my own chef. :)

again with the silly questions

I love popsugar, but why do keep wondering why he's so hot. They even had a poll. You can guess how I voted...

remember this song?

I was going thru my music folders on my computer and listening to some oldies. After I got that Indigo Girls song in my head last night, I listened to tons more. Then today I have been listening to Wilson Phillips, Shawn Colvin, Crowded House and even more Indigo Girls. I know, right? Then I found a folder called Misc Songs and found this little gem:
Everybody Is Free To Wear Sunscreen
Wow! I remember when that came out. Everyone thought it was crazy. I bought the cd single, but I have no idea where it is now. All these songs are giving me major flash backs. I will tell you that I have to stop listening to Indigo Girls, because I have so much history wrapped up in some of those songs (Ghost, Love Will Come to You, Fare Thee Well, Hey Jesus) and it is killing me.
Anyway, enjoy the flashback tune.

i'm thinking it needs a change

As you may have noticed, I have changed the background to the blog. I don't really like it that much, but I am still in search of something new. I want to change the look of this blog, but not really the layout. So I am searching for a new background image and then I can just admit the color accordingly. In the mean time, if you come here and it looks all sorts of strange, just ignore it and know that it is a work in progress.

guess what i just watched?

Fox is streaming the first 17 minutes for the first episode of season 3 of Prison Break! I just finished watching it. I love this show and season 3 looks really exciting. Another prison to break out of. Woo Hoo! Season 2 DVD comes out in a week and a half and season 3 starts about 2 weeks after that! I love that is almost September and new TV seasons are coming. Prison Break is the one I am looking most forward to and I love that I got a sneak peek. You can go to fox.com to watch it or use this link.

edited to add:
Here is the season 3 promo shot.
I have two things to say...
1. Hooray! Sucre lives.
2. Where is Sarah?

song in my head 08/23/07

Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls

look at Scarlett now!!

Our friends daughter is 10 months old now. She is so beautiful.

The reason I posted this next photo is because of how thrilled her father is in the background. His expression and the fact that he's wearing a Guinness t-shirt! Love him.
Even though I am conflicted about babies after all that I have been thru lately, I still like seeing how she is growing up. She was born a day after my first miscarriage. It's not a great thing to have another human being as basically a date stamp on a horrible life experience, but she is a reminder to me that life goes on.

note to self

Check yourself out in the mirror before leaving for work.
I came to work today with what I like to call a "pre-stained shirt." What that means is the shirt has stains on it that have not or will not come off. So, when they come out of the dryer "clean" they are already pre-stained. Get it? I have many of these shirts and I wear them around the house. But I was unaware that this shirt was now in the ranks of the pre-stained. I was unaware of this until I went to the bathroom and saw the stain. At least it only looks like a wet spot. So, I could play it off as I got it wet and it hasn't dried yet. But still. I hate knowing that it is there.
I am a winner.

of this, i do not approve

John Mayer & Cameron Diaz's New York PDA
The pair, who were first spotted out together in the city last week, were "all over each other" and "super flirty" at the Bowery Hotel Friday night, an onlooker tells PEOPLE.
Mayer, 29, and Diaz, 34, who sat together on a couch in the back of the patio, "were laughing and talking a lot" as the waitress brought several rounds of drinks, says the source.
Last Tuesday, the pair were spotted having dessert at the French-Vietnamese restaurant Indochine. "It looked like a casual date," said a source. "She was giggly. She was laughing and seemed happy."
Asked if the newly-close pair are dating, a source close to Mayer tells PEOPLE, "Yes, it's definitely true."

Dumb. He is a flirt and so is she. This will go no where. Plus, where is the proof? With all the paparazzi, there are no photos of this? spare me.
And wait, there is a French-Vietnamese restaurant? Crazy.

what do you do when your whole life flips upside down?

Something major happened with my parents today. I don't want to go into specifics, but it was major. I don't know what to do. I am at a total loss. I just keep walking around the house in a daze saying, "What the fuck?" Maybe I can write about it later, but its all too fresh. Nothing makes any sense. These are the people you are supposed to love.
How does this happen? God. What the hell?!?!?!?!?!?

john from cincinnati

Did you watch this show? I watched the season (and series) finale last night. I tried to watch it on Wednesday night also, but it is so freaking weird that I gave up on it. I actually watched 90% of the episode last night. This is the first and only episode of it that I have ever seen. And now I know why. It is so freaking strange. I was lost most of the time. I kept trying to tell myself that it is because I haven't seen any other episodes, but I really doubt that is the case. Is he an alien? Is he Jesus? What the heck. Why does that one guy float? I don't get any of it. I thought, "Hey, Cincinnati. I lived there. Maybe it will be good." Nope. I didn't get into it earlier, because I didn't want to commit to another show and I am glad I never did. I understand why it was cancelled. But, dude. Dylan McKay and Zach Morris! Even that did nothing for me. I will say that if they run a marathon of it, I will try to watch it. I think I am still hanging on the fact that I was lost because I hadn't seen any other episodes. Just like this blogger from Access Hollywood, I like smart television (and not so smart television too), but this show is too out there.

hidden talents

After I posted that I was going to Mamma Mia, I got the urge to listen to Broadway tunes. My default for all Broadway tunes is the RENT soundtrack. So, I started listening now while I am doing other things online. But all this got me thinking about my hidden talents. Why? Because one of the my hidden talents (not hidden to everyone, but to the majority of the world) is that I can recite every word to the RENT soundtrack. I have seen the show live 4 times, but I have owned the soundtrack since 1997 and have listened to it more times then I could ever imagine counting. I can turn it on and sing along with the entire thing. That's 2 hours and lots of words. So that's a talent that I don't think many people posses. And yes, I am proud of myself. Another RENT related thing I do is when someone says a word or a phrase, I can find a RENT lyric that contains that word. I often do this. I just did it the other night to my mom on the phone. She said something and then I started singing a line from RENT. She didn't understand. But that's ok.
What other hidden talents do I posses? I thought of two others:
1. I can recite all the prepositions in alphabetical order
2. I can put my fist in my mouth
Those last two were facts I used in my 100 facts about me, but I think they fall in the same category of hidden talents.
You got any?

i am looking forward to this!

I am going to see Mamma Mia on Wednesday. Coolness.
I am going by myself, because Chris doesn't like going to shows and my mom can't go either. I am cool with going alone. This will be the 3rd show I have been to by myself. I am not a big ABBA fan, but it should still be fun.

if you want to know me

If you really want to understand me at all, listen to this song...

That I Would Be Good by Alanis Morissette

And on a side note... if you made me chose between Alanis and John, it would be Alanis hands down. I know I hardly ever talk about her, but she is my ultimate. I think it's because she gets to live the life I desire and she can say the things I can't. If I could be anyone other than myself, I would be her. It's like she is knows me better than I know myself sometimes.

This is my favorite song of all time.

make it stop

First it was Mandy Moore and now it's Cameron Diaz. Seriously.

but this is funny about Mandy Moore (which I would actually approve of, btw)...
"The frumpy pair would make sense as a couple -- she likes funny guys with good musical taste (Zach Braff) and he likes women."

edited to add: speaking of Mandy Moore. Have you seen or better yet heard her cover of Umbrella? It's actually really good! I don't like the original version, but I dig this one.

I would totally approve of the hotness dating her. She does have good taste in men (except for Wilmer Valderrama).
One last thing. The guy singing and playing guitar (the one to her left) is Michael Chaves. He used to play and tour with you know who...

huh

I just had a talk with my boss. The first talk since I have been back to work.
No mention of the attendence issue. And I did not bring it up either. I am thinking I should, so that it is not hanging over my head. But I am leaning towards not doing that. Maybe it will just fall between the cracks. I know that something will be said sooner or later, but it is obviously not a major issue or she would have fired me right away. Whatever. I only care a little.
Maybe I need to recommit to this place. It's bad, but not terrible.

can't sleep

I was just laying in bed and I cannot seem to fall asleep. I can't shut my brain off.
I feel like my life is in crisis. That might be too dramatic of a word, but I can't really think of any other word that would describe it any better. I still don't know what is gonna happen with work. I should tomorrow. I sorta don't care. I know that I don't want to be fired, but if it happens, it happens. I do know that I don't want to be there anymore and getting fired would not upset me. I just don't want to have to deal with being fired from one place when I apply somewhere else. That's really all I am concerned about. Sure, I would have to find another job and that new job would not be the same hours or all that I have now, but I think I need a change. I am at this major crossroad right now. I have been thru so much physically and emotionally in the last year that I don't know how I survived. Two miscarriages in one year. My god. I never really thought about that. I thought I was bouncing back from this one so much better than the last. But I am now afraid that it is coming at me in a delayed reaction. I need to get a life. I need to find where I belong. I need to find out who the hell I am. I told my sister that I feel like I have no identity. I think that for so long I believed I would be a mother and I wrapped my being into that. Who am I? Someones mother. Maybe that is not the best way to be, but that's how I saw myself. How do you deal with the reality of never becoming who or what you thought you would be? I know I am not the only one to have this happen to them. But it's happening to me and I have deal with these feelings. I don't know for sure if I will ever have a baby. I don't know for sure if I can or if I can't. But I need to deal with what I am looking at right now. And right now, I feel like I am nothing. I am a waste of space. Yes, I am depressed. Yes. I know. I don't want to die, if you were concerned. At times I feel very useless and think death might be better than this, but I won't go down that road again. I promise. I feel more like I need to change things. Start fresh. How do you do that? I need to get my head right. That I do know. I need to work some shit out. But this is not going to be a quick fix. This is like long term, life stuff. And the worst part is that it's all in my own head. That's really what has to change. How I view things and think about things. Once I can do that, the rest should fall into place. I need to get my health straightened out. I am killing myself. I am getting to the point where certain things are difficult to do. All my life, I have been heavy. But I was always able to deal with it, because it never really put limitations on me. There were things that I couldn't do because of my weight, but those were things I didn't want to do anyway. But now, that's not the case. There are things I want to do, but I know that I can't. That scares the shit out of me. But do I use that as motivation to get it together? No. My sister said something to me when I was pregnant. She doesn't know this, but it has stayed with me and hunted me. She said that if pregnancy is not a good enough excuse to eat right, nothing is. Those were not the exact words, but that was the point she was making. Why that haunts me is I was trying to eat right, but not enough. I was pregnant and knew that I needed to eat right for the baby and still I wasn't doing it. What the hell is wrong with me? What more motivation do I need? I really don't know. This is becoming a major issue with me. It goes back to me needing to get my head right. I can eat right. I can lose weight. And god knows I need to. But I am stuck. Stuck. Why? I don't know. How to get unstuck? I don't know. I am gonna be 30. If that ain't a life crossroad, I don't know what is. I don't think I can do this on my own. But the last time I tried therapy (god, that was close to 15 years ago!), it didn't work. I stopped going after a couple visits, because I felt like I could get myself together, better on my own. And I really did. Not completely together (clearly), but I managed to make it another 15 years without feeling therapy is the only option. I need to just break down and make the call. But what I really want is someone to give me the answers. A shrink ain't gonna do that. I know I need to find the answers myself. Maybe a shrink can help with that.
God. There is so much more I need to get off my chest. But I am afraid that I have scared my family too much with this already.
But I will say one more thing. I miss God in my life. For the last 8 1/2 years I have been to church only a hand full of times. I used to say that I don't need to sit in a church every Sunday to know God. But I don't know God at all right now. Getting my ass back to church might help. I don't think it can hurt. I know my mom is jumping up and down in her chair right now. She has wanted me to go back to church ever since I stopped going. She didn't talk to me for days when I told her I wasn't getting married in the church and it has been an issue with us ever since. I am not saying that I am committing to going back. But I know that I need something different in my life and maybe that is one of things.
I have to try to get some sleep. I have to deal with the fall out from work tomorrow.

why do they ask such silly questions?

Saw this today on Popsugar.

Newsflash that he is the hotness?

I knew all along.

who wants to buy this for me?

Michael Scofield 12-inch Figure

It costs $89.99, so that means I will never own it.
But on the off chance someone does want to buy it for me, you can get it here.

Funny.

Can't wait for season 3!!!

my favorite thing about big brother 8...

I love it when they play church music over the scenes with Jameka and Amber praying.
I love that!!! Love it.
If they only knew that on the cbs.com poll, they are ranked the lowest (well, Amber is the lowest of the current houseguests and Jameka is the 4th lowest [after Zach and Dustin]). Such freaks. It's really not cool of them to try to use their religion to justify their attempt to win $500,000. Um? Greed much?

Something they didn't show in the second fight between Dick and Jameka (in the house while he was cooking) was Jameka called Dick's mother a bitch.

As much of a jerk as Dick is, he is right to call them hypocrites.

Oh and this was funny from last night's episode... Amber said that God was showing her which guitar to pick. Cracked my shit up. Oh, and the Amber "vision." She had some vision about a future POV comp and Dick was still there. She is taking that to mean, God is telling her to evict Daniele. Such weirdos.

God does not work like that, fools.

this is the last one - i swear!

there is something seriously wrong with me

I cannot stop looking at those photos of the hotness in the wife beater.
There are lots more here and here.
I need to go to bed, for real.

but did you realize the level of obsession?

I want to share that even though I have seen John Mayer in concert 6 times, I have over 195 concert recordings dating as far back as August of 1995 (when he was in a little group he called Villanova Junction). Seriously. And I am in the process of getting more as we speak. I shall not mention how I have come to acquire the shows (duh!), but I am collecting as many as I can. I have not listened to each and every one, but there are unique things that happen at certain shows so I will get that recording and enjoy that moment. What I need to do is make a folder of my favorite live performances of certain songs. That's a good idea. The show I listen to the most (at least right now) is my show from 06-13-07. I love reliving it!
Does the post title make sense now?

song in my head 08/09/07

This is Why I'm Hot by Mims
Heard it while waiting to get my flat tire repaired at Discount Tire. Songs get stuck in my head so easily. It's annoying sometimes.

chocolate rain on Jimmy Kimmel

Stick it out thru the song for the interview...
His voice is really that low! That's crazy. And I love that Jimmy Kimmel tells him to watch JM's cover.
This chocolate rain shit is everywhere!

is it hot in here?

Or is it just the hotness?
There are no words...

from tonight's show in West Palm Beach, FL
edited to add:
I get that its a wife beater. But its so damn sexy!

disney precious moments

There is a new line of Precious Moments (oh, I collect them in case you didn't know.) that are Disney characters and Disney inspired. These are the two I want:
They are all beautiful. Gotta love it. Two of my favorite things in one. Neat.

song in my head 08/07/07

...besides the hilarious song in the post below


Not All Me by Alanis Morissette

my stupid mouth - like you've never heard it before

This video cracked me up so much. I was seriously crying from laughter. I think she can sing well, but not this song. It was not written to be sung like this. What cracked me up the most is this is how I would sing it, if I was making fun of it. I often take songs (mostly hip hop songs) and sing or speak the lyrics with a proper (ie. white) accent. That sounds mean, but you know what I mean. I entertain myself by doing that, so that's what this seems like to me. If you can get past her yapping for a minute and 20 seconds... enjoy!

Four-time Tony Award-winning singer Audra McDonald at the Lincoln Center in 2006 with John Mayer's "My Stupid Mouth"
I had to go and listen to the real version to get this one out of my dead.

I'm dying. This is so funny.

couple random bb8 bits

This is from a post on tv squad:
What are Daniele's true intentions? Who will Dick verbally skewer next week? Can Kail become any more useless? What menial event will cause Amber to have a physical break down? Will Eric mend his ruptured relationship with LNC? What asinine phrase will Jameka utter next? How effortlessly will Zach blend into the background? Will Dustin wear a V-neck shirt that extends all the way down to his navel? Will Jessica's nasally speaking voice cause one of the house guest's eardrums to explode?

All this and more will be revealed come Tuesday. See you then.

Hilarious!

And then this from TMZ:
"Big Brother" Wings Pilot
The producers of the CBS reality show "Big Brother" have grounded a pilot they say planned on ruining the show.

Lawyers for Endemol USA Inc. sent a cease and desist letter to Jerry Hider of Blue Yonder Air, to stop him from flying his plane over the "Big Brother" house. According to Endemol, Hider was planning a flyover carrying a message that told the other players in the house that Eric is "America's Player" -- essentially ruining part of the game.

This season is so freaking strange.

congratulations!

We just found out today that my sister-in-law, Sarah got engaged. We haven't met the guy (they all live in Ohio), but we are very happy for her.

Btw, I stole this photo from her myspace!

"unprimped house"

As my sister has shared her mess, I decided to do the same. However, I have more messy rooms then she does... (and I am ok with that.)
the kitchen
Look at all those freaking dishes!!

the spare bedroom
Tons of crap piled everywhere.

computer room
Crap everywhere. What a mess!

yikes

I need to start dealing with the reality that I am going to be 30. This is something I have feared my whole life. It is less than 3 months away and there is nothing I can do about it. I am not going to post this countdown on my blog permanently. Just as a random post here and there. I cannot look at the countdown on a daily basis or I will go mad.

you will be missed Nick

chocolate rain

Does everyone know about this except me?
It is really scary and really long. I don't even know what its about.

But the hotness making fun of it is even more hilarious...


Oh, here's the original...

i finally figured out how to do this!

highlight it to see it...
I can hide text!

I have been trying to figure it out for a little while.

big brother 8 - 08/02/07

**warning - BIG spoilers**

They did it. Those bastards. My Nick is gone.

more later after I actually watch the live show...

edited to add - 8:20pm PST
Before I go on about my lovely Nick, I want to share my joy in the new HOH. Daniele won! It didn't take long. I was hoping some of it would be on After Dark, but not gonna happen. I will say, if Daniele nominates Jen and Kail, I will be really annoyed. She needs to nominate Dustin and Amber. Its time to break up to LNC. Seriously. Oh, I just saw that Daniele made a deal with Kail in the HOH comp. If Kail gave Daniele HOH, she would not evict her. Sweet! That takes care of that. But just because she made that deal does not mean she has to keep it. Moving on.
Nick was so sweet with his whole exit. He used his exit speech to tell Daniele how he feels about her. He left smiling. I love that Daniele was wearing his other bandana. I love that she was standing by the door alone when he left. I don't know what will happen when they leave, but I hope they do get together. But I do know that he will have his choice of females now. He is "famous" and hot as hell. Who knows. It was sweet while it lasted. I am rooting for Daniele now. I hate Amber more than ever. I love that the show showed her for the hypocrite that she is. She never told Nick the truth. I can't believe she never told him she knew he would be leaving. She said she was going to, but I guess she never got around to it. She tried to tell him in the goodbye message, but she was crying so damn much. She is such a freaking idiot. I don't even hate Jen. I hate Amber and Jameka is up there with her. If I hear Jameka say, "mmmm, hhhh" one more time, I will scream! The whole God thing is crazy too. I can't stand any of them, really. They made a mistake and all knew it and no one stood up for themselves and voted they way they wanted to. They all voted with the group and I hope it comes back and bites them in the ass. I am too angry at them right now. I need to stop. But at least Nick left with his dignity. He will be missed so much.

Oh, and I cannot wait to watch The Early Show and House Calls tomorrow! Last chance to see him for awhile.

Dear John - 06.28.2007

this is a question and answer thing on the fan club site, local 83...

Gret: When you are giving "the stare" while playing onstage, are you actually seeing the person you are looking at or are you somewhere else in your mind?

John: Believe it or not, I’m really locking on to one person. It can be anyone, and I’m not really looking at them in the sense that I’m taking note of the way they appear. I just lock in somehow. Come to think of it I bet it looks obvious.

That is totally what happened at my show! That totally explains "the moment" we had. That also makes me feel like I wasn't going crazy. It actually happened!!!

I know. I need to get a life.

good boys

John Mayer, Dave Matthews to Play Virginia Tech
John Mayer and the Dave Matthews Band are set to play a special concert at Virginia Tech on Sept. 6 to help the university and its students begin the new school year on a positive note following April's tragedy there.

My two favorite musicians know what's up. I have such good taste.

song in my head 08/01/07

Nice To Meet You Anyway by Gavin DeGraw
At the beginning of this video, he explains the song and it totally made me think of Nick and Daniele on Big Brother!

big brother 8 - 08/01/07

**warning - spoilers**

Last night was the broadcast of the veto ceremony. Even though I knew what would happen, I kept wishing it wouldn't. It was painful to watch.

It seems like its too late for Nick. There is rustling around with the idea of keeping Nick, but I don't see it happening. Dick, Daniele and Zach would vote to keep him if they knew they would have the votes. But everyone else seems to scared to vote against the group. They don't really want Nick to leave, but since they made that decision already, they are going with it. This is what I hate most about these stupid people. Vote how YOU want to, not how everyone else is. I know its a game, but what are you gonna do when its just the 7 of you? You are not gonna have the luxury of blaming your vote on the group. Just get over that now and vote how you want to!!!!!! I just want to slap them all silly!!!
Poor Nick...
this morning
The mohawk doesn't really work for me. Eric got one too, but he didn't completely shave the sides bald. It looks dumb, but he is dumb already. I did vote for his ass to evict Kail. The rest of America better have done the same.
Oh, one last thing for now... Dick is starting to think something is up with Eric. Early this morning, he told Daniele he thinks the producers are giving Eric information. I love it!!!

i want to quit my job

I hate it there. There is such drama with it and I really don't want to deal with it.
Here is the deal. When I believed I was pregnant (and for all intents and purposes, I was pregnant), I was not feeling well and missed a few days of work. At my job, you can only have so many absences before they fire you. I was about 3 or 4 from that point, but after missing those days when I was pregnant, they would have put me over the edge. But I was not concerned, because when you are pregnant you are eligible for FMLA and that would cover those missed days. Now, since I miscarried, its like I was never pregnant in the first place and those days will not be covered under FMLA. That means, my only hope is the consideration of my boss to not fire me for the absences. I am currently on a leave of absence until Monday, but I am not sure what my status will be when I go back. I keep leaving messages for my boss to call me if she needs to talk to me, but she hasn't called. I can take that as good or bad. Good that there is no issues, or bad that she wants to tell me in person. I think they will be understanding of my situation, but it will be very awkward going back and not knowing what it up. I would much rather not go back at all. I know that is not a reasonable thing right now. But that is what I want to do.

prison break update

Season 2 DVD still comes out Sept 4th, but the new season starts Sept 17th! Thank goodness. That leaves me less than 2 weeks to get caught up on season 2 before season 3 starts. This is an update, because the previous info I had was that season 3 started August 27th. That would have sucked. But this is much better!

song in my head 07/30/07

Belief by John Mayer
Live Earth performance, 07/07/07

this is my favorite version, though...

from The Village Sessions

I love it when I get songs I love stuck in my head.

the real reason i smile and get up every morning...

This was taken 10 years ago, by my dear friend Kearsten.
Chris was in town for a visit and we went around town and she took tons of photos of us. Since it was 10 years ago this summer, that these were taken, I decided I needed to share them. I am gonna scan the others and post more later.
But as I said in the post title... this is the love of my life. I talk about the hotness and other boys, but this is the man I love. This is the reason I get out of bed every morning. This is the person who has been my best friend for over 13 years. I drive him crazy and annoy the hell out of him (and vice versa!), but there is no one else on earth I would rather be with. No one.

edited to add: Here are the rest of the photos. I love them all!

more stuff to smile at

An exclusive behind-the-scenes look at John's current tour, featuring video footage and interviews with John, his band and his crew backstage, at the soundcheck and more! (from Fender.)

This just so happens to have been recorded here; at the show I went to in June. Woo hoo! That's why it's getting posted.

big brother 8 - 07/30/07

**warning - spoilers**

I hate them all right now!

Let me just get to the spoiler... Jameka is gonna use the veto and take Jen off. Dustin is gonna nominate Nick and they are gonna vote Nick out.

I am so addicted to this season, its not even funny. I even went so far as to sign up for Showtime just so I can watch Big Brother After Dark. I record it and watch it in the mornings. I also read the message boards for the live feed updates. I live for this right now. I will admit that my current obsession with it is not really healthy. I always get like this for certain things. I need to get a life, but I am not quite sure how to accomplish that at this time. But that's another story for another time.

So, the house has lost their minds! Dick, Daniele, Dustin, Amber, Jessica, Eric and Jameka are in an alliance, even though they won't admit that is what it is. There is conflict between them, so I don't know how long it will last. But for this week, they organized and all came to the decision to get rid of Nick. Most of them are saying it is because it will be best for Daniele. They think they need to protect her. Daniele (and Amber too) are not happy about voting Nick out, but she is going along with the house (for now). I am so sad. I love Nick. Yes, he can be a jerk and he needs to get his head right when it comes to Daniele. But her actions speak louder than her words (ie. making out with his just this morning under the covers!!). Nick is the reason I watch the show. He is eye candy and a half. He is really a good guy and they are scared for him, in more ways than one. I am just dreading the next few days.
I think he knows something is up, too. This was him early this morning:
He still thinks they are gonna put Zach up, because he keeps asking Dustin about it. But I think he is concerned about the late night chats that the alliance has. See, Nick goes to bed around 11:30 or so every night. The alliance has meetings, usually around 1 or 2am. He has never really been a part of that. He has reason for concern, because it was Saturday night that they came up with the idea of getting rid of him.

BOO HISS!!! I would like to say that I am gonna stop watching when the get rid of Nick, but I cannot say that. I will keep watching. But I think I will lay off the message boards a little and reconsider keeping Showtime all summer. Those fools are not that interesting without the eye candy.

3:29pm PST - edited to add: They did it. Nick is on the block. He is gonna go home, unless we can all get together and force Eric to vote for Kail to get evicted. That is our only hope. If America's Player has to vote for Kail, then I believe Eric will try to sway the vote that way. He does not want to stand out in the crowd by voting against the house, so he will try to get them to vote out Kail. Please god, let that happen! We all have to vote for Eric to evict Kail on Tuesday night!!!
And one more thing. Now that Nick is nominated, Amber is crying up a storm (duh!). Nick is the one trying to console her!!!!!!! She orchestrated his nomination and he is consoling her??? I hate Amber soooo much.

edited to add - 4:40pm PST: Here's video of Amber crying, holding onto Nick's leg and him consoling her. This goes on for more than the length of this video... she is freaking insane. She is also telling him that she didn't know Dustin was gonna put him up! What a liar!!!!!


edited to add - 6:32pm PST: Nick shaved his head (with help from Dustin). He now has a lovely mohawk. He's been talking about doing this for over a week, so it is not a reaction to his inevitable eviction. I will have to see how it looks on After Dark tonight... but here is a grainy photo:

tonight's episode: so you think you can dance

I just knew that when they started talking about the solo dance with Wade Robson, that the song would be Waiting on the World to Change. I have no problem hearing that song 10 times in one show. Love it! And the dance ain't bad either.
Btw, my favorite dancer is Dominic.

edited to add: Even though Dominic is my favorite dancer, he didn't do so great last night. Here is the best performance of the night, Lauren's solo:

edited again to add: I may be slow on this, but I just found out that Lauren is from Scottsdale, AZ! We rule on reality shows.

it seems I was gone too long

My site traffic has dramatically decreased lately and I know that is because I was not blogging. I had my reasons, but I hope that people come back...

another reason to smile

The hotness (pre-hair cut, pre-break up) in GQ. read the article here.

I still like the last one I posted better, but these work too.

have you Simpsonized yourself?

Everybody's doing it...hehe. That's a bluetooth in the ear!
Try it.

what a relief

I am glad I finally blogged about what has been going on with me. I do feel better having put that information out into the world. There have been things I've felt like blogging about, but just haven't felt like I could. So, expect me to get back to basics... meaning all John Mayer (and other boys) all the time.

And did you notice the new photo on the sidebar? --->
My sister took that in Jamaica.

a reason to smile

I am telling you... when I just saw this, I just about screamed and woke the husband up. I had to cover my mouth. This is gorgeous. A little too posed and pretty, but works for me!


New celeb Gap ads
Do you recognize this guy? A new fall Gap ad campaign, called Classics Redefined, features 12 black and white Annie Leibovitz portraits of stars. Each portrait is numbered to highlight 12 wardrobe essentials Gap things you'll need this fall. Here, John Mayer wears the $39.50 Sweater Vest.

Other celebs in the campaign include Sarah Silverman in The Wide Leg Trouser ($49.50), Lucy Liu wearing a Little Black Sweater Dress ($59.50) and Ken Watanabe in The Tailored White Shirt ($39.50). The photos will appear in the September issues of national magazines.

the only way out is through

Here it is. Why I've been avoiding blogging...

I had another miscarriage.

The first was in October 2006.

This time I was 8 1/2 weeks along.

The reason I hadn't been blogging is because I had a rough time after finding out I was pregnant. I actually found out on June 13th (the same day as the John Mayer show I went to; making that day completely incredible.). After I found out, I really laid low. After losing the first baby, I was trying not get caught up in it. But it was impossible for me to not deal with it. I was so tried all the time and very nauseous. I even had some spotting for a few days. But with every passing day, I gained more confidence. After I made it past the 7th week (the time I had the first miscarriage), I felt better. No one knows this... Every night when I went to bed, I would pray, "Please God, just give me one more day." It seemed to be working. But two days before my first pre-natal doctors appointment, I had really bad pain. I couldn't sleep, it was so bad. But there was not blood. I just thought that maybe it was bad gas or something. At least that's what I tried to convince myself of. But I knew something wasn't right. The day before the appointment, I told Chris that I wanted to go to the appointment and just tell me to do the ultrasound before talking to me about being pregnant and asking me all the questions, because if there wasn't anything there the questions would be pointless. How did I know? I just knew. I didn't want to know. At the appointment on the 12th, I tried to act like everything was fine. I didn't say anything and went along with the nurse's questions. Then she started the ultrasound. Chris was with me in the room. She said that she couldn't see anything in the gestational sac. There was one there, but she couldn't see the fetus. She called in the ultrasound pro of the office to try to see if she could get a picture of the baby. But there was nothing there. After the ultrasound, the nurse told me that she believed I had what's called a blighted ovum. She said that I needed to come back in a week for another ultrasound to see if anything has changed. She did say there was a chance that I was not as far along as I thought and that's why the baby wasn't visible, but I knew that wasn't the case. See, I knew there was nothing there. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I knew. Last Monday, I started bleeding and cramping badly. I called the doctor and went in that afternoon. The sac that had been large on Thursday was like a deflated balloon and it was over. No chance. I knew that and had been dealing with the loss since that Thursday. No dealing well, but not holding out any hope. I will say that after the first doctors appointment I started praying that my body would take care of the situation on its own. If nothing had happened in a week after the appointment, I was going to have a d & c, so that I wouldn't have to live with feeling pregnant and knowing that I wasn't. I really didn't want to have to go thru that and so I am happy that my body took care of it. So physically, I am ok. I still have to go thru more blood work to make sure my hCG hormone level decreases. But I am sure that will be ok too. For some reason, my body recovers well from miscarriages, but I just can't seem to keep a baby. All the clichés don't work this time. Before, I could believe that hey, I got pregnant once, I can get pregnant again. Blah blah blah. I did get pregnant again and this one didn't work either.
I am stuck in the anger. I have hardly cried at all. I know this is not good. I know that I am dealing with this all wrong. I just push it all down and pretend its not there. But if I can't get past the anger, I don't know what I will do. I tell people I am ok, because that is the easiest way to be for me. Some people find anger easier, but not me. Being positive is more comfortable to me, even if its not my true feelings.
I am starting to doubt if motherhood is something I am meant to do. I have been in this holding pattern. Waiting to become a mother for my life to start. Maybe I just need to get a life and face my reality. That is way easier said than done.

So, that's that. For now.

Out is Through by Alanis Morissette

This is the song of the month.
More later...

hey now you're an all star

Tonight is the Home Run Derby. That is the best part of the whole deal. The game usually is pretty boring. The pitching is great, the hitting is great, etc. As it should be. But I am excited for tonight's event. In fact, it starts in just a minute so I need to be wrapping this up.

song in my head 07/09/07

Big Girls Dont Cry by Fergie
This song has actually been in my head for about 3 days now! I can't stand her. But I love that Milo Ventimiglia is in the video. He's cool.

live earth

Are you watching this today?
If you are not, at least tune in around 5-6pm EST (2-3pm PST) to see the hotness. woo hoo!
So you know where I will be today.

edited to add: photos from the show


source
Loving the aviators. Should say "How HOT is your Mayer?" Neat.

edited to add again: He later performed with The Police (along with Kanye West). I was lucky to catch the performance on the NBC broadcast. After I saw John and Dave Matthews Band, I sorta stopped watching it. But I was clicking around and stopped to see what they were still showing and... lucky me!

i am still alive

I am just still not feeling real well. I spend most of my days sleeping or laying down.
More later. Just wanted to check in.