Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
update
The blood pressure medication seems to be working. I am feeling better today and yesterday, then I have felt in a week. I still don't feel 100% and I still believe that there is something more wrong with me. Something that caused my blood pressure to suddenly spike like that. I feel this way, because I still have strange symptoms off and on. I am not sure what the primary care doctor can do, but I am going to my new one tomorrow afternoon. At least I don't feel at deaths door anymore. I probably won't feel normal ever again. What was normal to me last week is not how I can live my life anymore. Chris bought some bread at Sprouts and I don't really like it. He said, while looking at the bag it came in, "What is it that's different about this bread? Oh, it has no fat." See, there you go. Plain oatmeal with raisins. Blah. Needs brown sugar. Can't add it! This is gonna take a lot of getting used to.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
while i was sleeping
It's a done deal: Suns get Shaq
The Suns have traded Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks to the Miami Heat for Shaquille O'Neal. I am so upset about this. I probably shouldn't think about it, because it raises my blood pressure. I feel like I had to mention my anger and disgust over this, because as a Suns fan, I have been let down by our new general manager; a man I used to have respect for, Steve Kerr. I know that Shawn wanted to leave before this season started, but to give him away for Shaq? Seriously? Shaq is not a Sun and will never be. He will be a drain on their bank account and hardly ever play. Hell, he's hurt right now and we took him anyway. I do not wish my team ill will, but I hope they see the error of their ways in a big way.If you put in Shaquille O'Neal in google news, here are some of the headlines:
Could the Suns have gotten a better deal for Marion?
It's Shaq's day in Suns
Shaq just wants to fit in with the Suns
Shaq deal can either bring Suns title or burn them
Miami is free as Shaq's deadweight sails away
Shaq still got it?
Suns hope O'Neal is big piece of puzzle
Suns taking huge risk with Shaq trade
Departing star Marion will be 'sorely missed'
Shaq arrives, and Suns will never be the same
Suns will miss defense of Marion, who gets fresh start
So long, Suns, it's been fun
The media gets it. Why doesn't the Suns front office?
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
been waiting long?
Let me just jump right in here. I spent all day yesterday and into this morning at the hospital.
About a week ago, I started having chest pains. Really intense and then very dull. Very up and down pain, but still constant. I was also getting very flushed and part of me would randomly go numb. It would come and go and I really hoped it would just go away completely. But yesterday I woke up feeling very flushed and not well. I knew I couldn't just pretend this wasn't happening. Since we changed insurance when Chris got his new job, we hadn't yet chosen a primary care doctor. I spent most of yesterday morning at work calling around to doctors to see if/when I could get in. Most of them did not have appointments until March and the earliest I could find was Monday. I knew then that I couldn't just do nothing. I emailed Chris and told him I was going to go the ER. I decided that the best thing to do was to have my mom come and take me. I am 30 years old and still need my mommy more than I ever have. I am not afraid to admit it. I knew that the day would include lots of waiting and waiting is not one of Chris's favorite things. Plus, I knew that there was nothing anyone could really do by sitting and waiting with me. So, my mom left work right away and so did I. She came and picked me up from my house and we went to the Urgent Care that is less than a mile from my house. We waited for about an hour there. They took my blood pressure and gave me an EKG. The nurse told me that with my symptoms, she really could not treat me there. They wanted me to go the hospital and wanted to take me in an ambulance. That was the last thing that I wanted to do, plus she said that even going in the ambulance would not get me seen by the doctor any faster. So, I had to sign a waiver so that my mom could take me to the ER, which we did right away. The first couple of hours were eventful, because I went thru triage, had blood drawn, chest xrays taken, another EKG and got an IV put in. Then, they sent me back to the waiting room to wait for a bed. 11 1/2 hours later, I was taken into the ER and given a bed. This was actually this morning around 12:40am. Chris had came straight to the hospital from work and my mom eventually left at 11:30pm. She wanted to stay, but I told her to leave. I was worried about her being so tired and having to drive all te way home. After I was in the bed, they hooked me up to all sorts of machines to monitor my heart and blood pressure. They gave me medication thru my IV that lowered my heart rate and blood pressure quickly. I felt much better when my blood pressure was low. I had suspected for days that I felt bad and had pain when my pressure was up and when it was lower, I felt better. But by being on the monitor and getting the medication, we could see that specifically. But I still had that dull constant pain in my chest. The doctor wanted to see if there was a dissection of a blood vessel in my heart, so he sent me for a CAT scan. My first CAT scan and boy was that strange. The CAT scan came back normal and that was consistent with two EKG's I had already had. I was so relieved. I got so scared that some REALLY was wrong. Not that severe hypertension isn't something REALLY wrong, but a tear in a blood vessel? That seems a whole lot worse to me. But it was fine. They took more blood and compared that the ones taken earlier in the day (actually about 12 hours earlier) and said it all looked good too. They gave me some ibuprofen thru my IV and let me rest for about an hour. Then at a little before 5am today, they told me I could go home. The doctor gave me a prescription for blood pressure medication and told me that there really isn't a reason for the intense spikes in my blood pressure over the last few days, but my blood pressure is "the only abnormality" that I have, as far as these symptoms are concerned. He said that once my pressure gets regulated with the pills, the pain should go away. I managed to sleep for a few hours this morning, but I can't sleep all day or I will never get on a regular schedule. Before I left work yesterday, I scheduled myself off for the rest of the week. Going thru all this has been so traumatic for me. But honestly, it was the wake up call that I needed. Nothing else seemed to work in the past. Today is the start of lent and the start of a new me. I am not just giving up soda for Lent, I am giving up the old me. I don't want to die. I don't want to have a stroke. I want to live a long time. And to do that I need to make changes. I am still really out of it and tired to go much further with that, but I know that I need to change and I will.
But damn, thank God I am alive.
Oh, the title comes from this exchange between me and the nurse once I got into the ER bed:
RN (sarcastically): Have you been waiting long?
me: What do you consider long?
RN: Um... 14 hours?
me: Then no, not long.
About a week ago, I started having chest pains. Really intense and then very dull. Very up and down pain, but still constant. I was also getting very flushed and part of me would randomly go numb. It would come and go and I really hoped it would just go away completely. But yesterday I woke up feeling very flushed and not well. I knew I couldn't just pretend this wasn't happening. Since we changed insurance when Chris got his new job, we hadn't yet chosen a primary care doctor. I spent most of yesterday morning at work calling around to doctors to see if/when I could get in. Most of them did not have appointments until March and the earliest I could find was Monday. I knew then that I couldn't just do nothing. I emailed Chris and told him I was going to go the ER. I decided that the best thing to do was to have my mom come and take me. I am 30 years old and still need my mommy more than I ever have. I am not afraid to admit it. I knew that the day would include lots of waiting and waiting is not one of Chris's favorite things. Plus, I knew that there was nothing anyone could really do by sitting and waiting with me. So, my mom left work right away and so did I. She came and picked me up from my house and we went to the Urgent Care that is less than a mile from my house. We waited for about an hour there. They took my blood pressure and gave me an EKG. The nurse told me that with my symptoms, she really could not treat me there. They wanted me to go the hospital and wanted to take me in an ambulance. That was the last thing that I wanted to do, plus she said that even going in the ambulance would not get me seen by the doctor any faster. So, I had to sign a waiver so that my mom could take me to the ER, which we did right away. The first couple of hours were eventful, because I went thru triage, had blood drawn, chest xrays taken, another EKG and got an IV put in. Then, they sent me back to the waiting room to wait for a bed. 11 1/2 hours later, I was taken into the ER and given a bed. This was actually this morning around 12:40am. Chris had came straight to the hospital from work and my mom eventually left at 11:30pm. She wanted to stay, but I told her to leave. I was worried about her being so tired and having to drive all te way home. After I was in the bed, they hooked me up to all sorts of machines to monitor my heart and blood pressure. They gave me medication thru my IV that lowered my heart rate and blood pressure quickly. I felt much better when my blood pressure was low. I had suspected for days that I felt bad and had pain when my pressure was up and when it was lower, I felt better. But by being on the monitor and getting the medication, we could see that specifically. But I still had that dull constant pain in my chest. The doctor wanted to see if there was a dissection of a blood vessel in my heart, so he sent me for a CAT scan. My first CAT scan and boy was that strange. The CAT scan came back normal and that was consistent with two EKG's I had already had. I was so relieved. I got so scared that some REALLY was wrong. Not that severe hypertension isn't something REALLY wrong, but a tear in a blood vessel? That seems a whole lot worse to me. But it was fine. They took more blood and compared that the ones taken earlier in the day (actually about 12 hours earlier) and said it all looked good too. They gave me some ibuprofen thru my IV and let me rest for about an hour. Then at a little before 5am today, they told me I could go home. The doctor gave me a prescription for blood pressure medication and told me that there really isn't a reason for the intense spikes in my blood pressure over the last few days, but my blood pressure is "the only abnormality" that I have, as far as these symptoms are concerned. He said that once my pressure gets regulated with the pills, the pain should go away. I managed to sleep for a few hours this morning, but I can't sleep all day or I will never get on a regular schedule. Before I left work yesterday, I scheduled myself off for the rest of the week. Going thru all this has been so traumatic for me. But honestly, it was the wake up call that I needed. Nothing else seemed to work in the past. Today is the start of lent and the start of a new me. I am not just giving up soda for Lent, I am giving up the old me. I don't want to die. I don't want to have a stroke. I want to live a long time. And to do that I need to make changes. I am still really out of it and tired to go much further with that, but I know that I need to change and I will.
But damn, thank God I am alive.
Oh, the title comes from this exchange between me and the nurse once I got into the ER bed:
RN (sarcastically): Have you been waiting long?
me: What do you consider long?
RN: Um... 14 hours?
me: Then no, not long.
yes, i have seen them
words fail me
in case you are lost, the hotness managed to put on this lovely swim suit (a la Borat) during his cruise this past weekend.
but I like this much better:
excuses by Alanis Morissette
This song jumped into my head today. It's not real tough to figure out why.
Here is a gorgeous acoustic version...
Why no one will help me
I am too dumb
I'm too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
There is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell
Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my sight
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights
No one can have it all
See I have to
They want me to
And I can't let them down
I will never be happy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me locked inside my shell
Here is a gorgeous acoustic version...
Why no one will help me
I am too dumb
I'm too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
There is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell
Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my sight
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights
No one can have it all
See I have to
They want me to
And I can't let them down
I will never be happy
These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked inside my cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me locked inside my shell
Monday, February 04, 2008
my favorite super bowl commercial
for obvious reasons!!
the best was the end...
Sucre: "You know, we could've just bought tickets."
Lincoln: "That ain't how we roll, man."
I loved it, even though it was factually all wrong. T-Bag says he has the map this time. He had the map the first time too. And of the three, T-Bag is the only one actually in prison right now. But it was fun.
What were your favorites?
the best was the end...
Sucre: "You know, we could've just bought tickets."
Lincoln: "That ain't how we roll, man."
I loved it, even though it was factually all wrong. T-Bag says he has the map this time. He had the map the first time too. And of the three, T-Bag is the only one actually in prison right now. But it was fun.
What were your favorites?
Sunday, February 03, 2008
happy Super Bowl Sunday!
As I said before, its not everyday that the Super Bowl (damn, I just typed Bowel!! hehehe) is in your home town. I have so much pride in my fair city (even though I do not currently live in Glendale). It's all the greater Phoenix area and we have rocked this Super Bowl. There is so much pre-game stuff on TV and its getting kind of ridiculous. But it does get your in the mood. The Patriots are my pick. See, I like to take chances. Two more hours to go until the game and the commercials. You know I watch for the commercials too. I hope all of you who do not live in AZ have been able to see what an awesome place this is and I hope that you come to visit our lovely city
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
tonite's democratic debate
"It took a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush and I think I will take a Clinton to clean up after the second one."
- Hillary Clinton's final statement when asked to comment on the fact that over the last 20 years there has been a Bush or a Clinton on the ballot.hey, i've been good lately!!
I have not been posting every day about the hotness and to reward myself, I will share some stuff now! hehe. Like my logic?
Out of My Mind with the JM Trio
Now, that guitar solo that will shut up any still existing critic of his guitar playing.
Ah, I feel much better now.
And the freaking Mayercraft Carrier cruise is tomorrow and no, I am not going. Bummed about that, but as I said before, even I have my limits.
Now, that guitar solo that will shut up any still existing critic of his guitar playing.
Ah, I feel much better now.
And the freaking Mayercraft Carrier cruise is tomorrow and no, I am not going. Bummed about that, but as I said before, even I have my limits.
song in my head 01/31/08
In Your Atmosphere (aka LA Song) by John Mayer
performance: December 8, 2007 at the Nokia Theatre, Los Angeles
This song does not really have an official title, because it is an unreleased track. It is one of my favorite songs and has been in my head for days.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
MIGRAINE NAUSEA
MIGRAINE
NAUSEA
MIGRAINE
NAUSEA
MIGRAINE
NAUSEA
I am stuck at work, because if I called off I would get in major trouble. I am trying to slowly eat some crackers so that the Excedrin does not hit an empty stomach. I am slowly sipping my Coke so that the caffeine can do its job. When I talk to customers, I have to stop and catch my breath when the nausea hits.
Its real bad.
3:09pm - edited to add: I am feeling much better. No vomit. Pills actually worked this time. It's a miracle. The drugs don't always work on my migraines. I am especially glad it went away, because our scheduling department would not allow me to leave early today.
NAUSEA
MIGRAINE
NAUSEA
MIGRAINE
NAUSEA
I am stuck at work, because if I called off I would get in major trouble. I am trying to slowly eat some crackers so that the Excedrin does not hit an empty stomach. I am slowly sipping my Coke so that the caffeine can do its job. When I talk to customers, I have to stop and catch my breath when the nausea hits.
Its real bad.
3:09pm - edited to add: I am feeling much better. No vomit. Pills actually worked this time. It's a miracle. The drugs don't always work on my migraines. I am especially glad it went away, because our scheduling department would not allow me to leave early today.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
2008 SAG awards - worst dressed
btw - Angelina, we all know you are pregnant and the flowy dress doesn't hide it; it only makes it more obvious.
photos from WireImage & Getty Images
random bits
nfl experience
If what you experience at the NFL experience is really what you experience in the NFL, then the NFL is lots of walking and waiting in line. Yesterday, my mom and I went for the experience. It's not very often that the Super Bowl comes to your hometown. So, when it does, try to experience it the most you can. Since getting tickets to the game is nearly impossible (and really, my seat at home will be better than 99% of the people at the game anyway!), we wanted to do what we could. We had to park sooooooooooo far away and walk the whole way. I was tired by the time we got there. Then we had to wait in line to buy tickets, so that gave me time to rest up. The rest of the day involved lots more walking. There was so much to see. We did not see it all, because there really was a ton of stuff. We were dead once we got back to the car to leave, but we had a good time.
check out my photos here!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
breakthru
I have been crying for the last few minutes. I have been in such shock for the last 24 hours. The death of Heath Ledger has really upset me. It's just so devastating and shocking. His poor baby girl. Maybe with crying, I can move thru the stages of grief and get out of this fog I have been in.In my heart, I know it was an accident. My desire for information has made me realize how horrible the internet can be. I am one of those people who follow celebrity news/gossip and check my favorite blogs many times during the day. But now I realize how horrible the access to all that information can be. All the rumors that are showing up about him and his death and then proven to be false. It is such a shame that people like me crave the latest information and thus sites are forced to keep up in order to stay current and valuable. I am ashamed.
Heath, I will remember you always in one of my favorite movies of all time, A Knight's Tale.
"With all the love that I possess, I remain yours, the knight your heart."
holy crap!
I just opened CNN.com and found this:
Actor Heath Ledger dies at 28
OH MY GOD.
I really have no words right now.
edited to add:
4:07 pm MST - I am so upset by this. It appears to be an overdose and possibly an accidental one at that. I just feel so terrible for his little daughter. I know we have lost an amazing actor, but she lost her father.
Actor Heath Ledger dies at 28
OH MY GOD.
I really have no words right now.
edited to add:
4:07 pm MST - I am so upset by this. It appears to be an overdose and possibly an accidental one at that. I just feel so terrible for his little daughter. I know we have lost an amazing actor, but she lost her father.
academy award nominations
They came out today and I am surprised, but not really. I don't really have any emotional ties to any of the films, except Juno, yet. Yet, because I now will start my mission to see all the films nominated for Best Picture.
Here is the list:
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
I have already seen Juno, so that means I have 5 weeks to see the other 4 movies. I can do that, except Michael Clayton isn't playing anywhere around here. I know it will be out on DVD on February 19. If theaters don't bring it out for special presentations, I will have to rent it right before the awards.
Oh, and the poor hotness was not nominated for Best Song. He was robbed. Say is a great song. Robbed, I tell you. Robbed.
edited to add: As a big congrats to Juno for its 4 nominations, I share with you some tracks from the soundtrack:
All I Want Is You by Barry Louis Polisar
Anyone Else But You by Moldy Peaches (sung by Michael Cera & Ellen Page)
Here is the list:
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood
I have already seen Juno, so that means I have 5 weeks to see the other 4 movies. I can do that, except Michael Clayton isn't playing anywhere around here. I know it will be out on DVD on February 19. If theaters don't bring it out for special presentations, I will have to rent it right before the awards.
Oh, and the poor hotness was not nominated for Best Song. He was robbed. Say is a great song. Robbed, I tell you. Robbed.
edited to add: As a big congrats to Juno for its 4 nominations, I share with you some tracks from the soundtrack:
All I Want Is You by Barry Louis Polisar
Anyone Else But You by Moldy Peaches (sung by Michael Cera & Ellen Page)
dipping my toe back into this blog
I haven't blogged in a few days and I kinda missed it. Not that blog-worthy things haven't happened. I just chose to not share. I guess I will share random bits to get caught up:
On Friday, I had lunch with my mom and my former youth minister (who was also my confirmation sponsor), Pat. My mom had run into her at our old church last week. My mom still works in the town I grew up in and goes to our old church when she works the weekends. So after my mom ran into Pat, they made plans to get together. The day before their arranged lunch, I said to my mom, "Why am I not going to this lunch?" I was off that day and haven't seen Pat in 6 years (and before that it was about 4 years since I saw her last). So I invited myself, knowing that neither of them would care. In fact, it shocked the crap out of Pat and she didn't know how to compose herself when she saw me. It was a strange situation. My relationship with the church is so different than it was back in high school. It was really nice to see her, but really awkward, because I am not that person anymore. I don't know what that means, but I know that is true.
On Saturday, my mom and I went to the 8th Annual Jack in the Box Celebrity Shootout. I think they choose to use the word celebrity very loosely. If you look at the list of "celebrities" that were scheduled to appear, you will get what I mean. Many of the decent people (and I say this with fear that I consider Omarion "decent") didn't even show. The randoms that did come were:
- Jordan Sparks: Recording Artist
- Donald Faison: Actor (“Scrubs”, “Clueless”, “Remember the Titans”)
- Brandon Routh: Actor (“Superman Returns”)
- Brian McKnight: Recording Artist/Actor
- Brody Jenner: Reality TV Star ("The Hills")
- Frankie Delgado: Reality TV Star ("The Hills")
- Kristen Cavallari: Reality TV Star ("The OC")
- Columbus Short: Actor ("Stomp the Yard”, “Save the Last Dance 2”, "This Christmas")
- Terry Crews: Actor (“Everybody hates Chris”)
- Keith Robinson: Actor ("Dreamgirls", “American Dreams”, "This Christmas")
- Brian White: Actor ("The Game Plan", "Stomp the Yard", "The Family Stone")
- Nick Swardson: Actor/Writer/Producer (“The Benchwarmers”, “Reno 911”)
- Tank: Recording Artist
- Morris Chestnut: Actor (“Ladder 49”, “Breakin’ All the Rules”)
see? Told you. Who are many of these people? Reality TV Star? Star? It was fun watching these fools try to play basketball. I really went, hoping to see many Suns players. The only ones that were there were Boris Diaw and Shawn Marion. That was cool to see them. I took many photos and tried to annotate many of them so I would remember who those randoms were. See them all here.
Our friends Mike & Connie got married in Vegas over the weekend! See a photo here. We are so happy for them!! They have been together for over 5 years and Mike said they only planned the wedding three days before. Fun. A Vegas wedding is totally their personalities. Any other type of wedding would have seemed strange and not about them. The sad part is that before the end of the year, they are moving to New Orleans. I think it really depends on when they can sell their house. It will be a total bummer not having them around.
I got the soundtrack to Spring Awakening and I am loving it! I so want to see this show. I hope to tours eventually!
This is a cool behind the scenes video:
(say yes to all things Duncan Sheik!!)
Ok, this was way more than dipping my toe in, but I am glad I shared all my random things!!!!!
- Jordan Sparks: Recording Artist
- Donald Faison: Actor (“Scrubs”, “Clueless”, “Remember the Titans”)
- Brandon Routh: Actor (“Superman Returns”)
- Brian McKnight: Recording Artist/Actor
- Brody Jenner: Reality TV Star ("The Hills")
- Frankie Delgado: Reality TV Star ("The Hills")
- Kristen Cavallari: Reality TV Star ("The OC")
- Columbus Short: Actor ("Stomp the Yard”, “Save the Last Dance 2”, "This Christmas")
- Terry Crews: Actor (“Everybody hates Chris”)
- Keith Robinson: Actor ("Dreamgirls", “American Dreams”, "This Christmas")
- Brian White: Actor ("The Game Plan", "Stomp the Yard", "The Family Stone")
- Nick Swardson: Actor/Writer/Producer (“The Benchwarmers”, “Reno 911”)
- Tank: Recording Artist
- Morris Chestnut: Actor (“Ladder 49”, “Breakin’ All the Rules”)
see? Told you. Who are many of these people? Reality TV Star? Star? It was fun watching these fools try to play basketball. I really went, hoping to see many Suns players. The only ones that were there were Boris Diaw and Shawn Marion. That was cool to see them. I took many photos and tried to annotate many of them so I would remember who those randoms were. See them all here.
This is a cool behind the scenes video:
(say yes to all things Duncan Sheik!!)
Ok, this was way more than dipping my toe in, but I am glad I shared all my random things!!!!!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
my blog is dumb
Maybe I am just feeling down or giving myself a hard time. But I read other people's blogs and I realize how stupid mine is. What do I post? youtube videos and shit about John Mayer. Why do I do this? A variety of reasons...
1. You have to have a life to write about one
2. I am afraid of being too vulnerable and sharing my feelings
3. Very few people even read this
4. I don't think I am very interesting
So, now that I have established my blog sucks... what am I going to do about it?
I haven't figured that out yet.
This must be part of the whole becoming an adult thing. I feel like my refusal to grow up is just denial and fear. I say my being immature is because I am a kid at heart. But when does it just become immaturity? Augh. I know I am probably being way too hard on myself, but I think I need to have these feelings. I think maybe (GASP!!!) I need to grow up a little bit.
My life has not turned out the way I ever imagined it would be. I am not the person I thought I would be. I keep thinking of myself as the person I thought I would be, instead of the person I actually am. I need to get my shit together. I need to start making changes in my life and dealing with my reality. I am afraid and don't know if I can do this on my own. I think that there is a lot of stuff that I need to deal with before I can move forward. I think my past is holding me back and I know that I am afraid to deal with it all.
This is so much more about me, then my blog. But I feel like my blog represents me and I don't like what I see.
1. You have to have a life to write about one
2. I am afraid of being too vulnerable and sharing my feelings
3. Very few people even read this
4. I don't think I am very interesting
So, now that I have established my blog sucks... what am I going to do about it?
I haven't figured that out yet.
This must be part of the whole becoming an adult thing. I feel like my refusal to grow up is just denial and fear. I say my being immature is because I am a kid at heart. But when does it just become immaturity? Augh. I know I am probably being way too hard on myself, but I think I need to have these feelings. I think maybe (GASP!!!) I need to grow up a little bit.
My life has not turned out the way I ever imagined it would be. I am not the person I thought I would be. I keep thinking of myself as the person I thought I would be, instead of the person I actually am. I need to get my shit together. I need to start making changes in my life and dealing with my reality. I am afraid and don't know if I can do this on my own. I think that there is a lot of stuff that I need to deal with before I can move forward. I think my past is holding me back and I know that I am afraid to deal with it all.
This is so much more about me, then my blog. But I feel like my blog represents me and I don't like what I see.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
defending that girl
How do I feel about the hotness defending Jessica Simpson in his latest blog post? Well, I have forgiven him for his indiscretion. I am not thrilled that he cares enough to feel the need to defend her. But it just goes to show you how nice a guy he really is. He sees his ex getting dumped on and feels the need to defend her. That says a lot about who he really is.
I still hate her and always will.
Read the post:
TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2008
DON'T EX WITH TEXAS
Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,
This isn't a sports blog, and it isn't a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)
This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.
I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don't really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I'm betting emotions are running high right about now.
All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn't be able to, but it's less work for all involved.)
I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I'm out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday's worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.
JM
I still hate her and always will.
Read the post:
TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2008
DON'T EX WITH TEXAS
Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,
This isn't a sports blog, and it isn't a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)
This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.
I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don't really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I'm betting emotions are running high right about now.
All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It's one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don't try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn't be able to, but it's less work for all involved.)
I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I'm out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday's worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.
JM
it's a sad day
It was announced today that RENT will be closing on Broadway on June 1, 2008. That is such a bummer. I never got to see it on Broadway and never will now.
Monday, January 14, 2008
can't believe I forgot this!!
The hotness posted this on his honeyee.com blog this morning:
January 14, 2008
Starting to get back into production head, searching for new sounds on a Sunday afternoon... My (anticlimactic) take on "I Think She Knows Interlude". It's probably not all that close to the actual recording. I'm too lazy to learn it for realz.
post linkage.
January 14, 2008
Starting to get back into production head, searching for new sounds on a Sunday afternoon... My (anticlimactic) take on "I Think She Knows Interlude". It's probably not all that close to the actual recording. I'm too lazy to learn it for realz.
post linkage.
hotness overload
The caption with this photo: Onstage, John Mayer is honest, expressive...and supersexy. In person, amplify that times a hundred...I am not a Cosmo reader, but I really need to write them a thank you note.
Just had to share it all.
floor photos finally here
Chris started tearing up the floor on a whim. Sure, it sounded like a great idea. It was about time. Three years after moving in, we are finally making progress on the floor. But you never really think it thru when you start things on a whim. The actual removal of the floor only took a few hours in comparison to the clean up. It took me all day on Sunday to clean up and I am still not done. There was fine dust all over everything, including the floor. I cleaned it twice and then I just had to stop. I was so exhausted. Then, for some reason I could not sleep last night. I am really running on empty and struggling to multi-task. At least I have managed to get the pictures uploaded. So check out the tile removal process here. I will grow to love the concrete, because who knows when we will get new flooring.
augh
The floor is "done." I say it that way, because there is still more tile to take up, but are done for now. I am still recovering. I have updated my photo blog and that's all I have been able t do so far. I will post more after tonite's new Prison Break!!!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
home improvement
Last night, Chris randomly decided to start taking up the tile in the whole house. We have tile in all but the guest room and the master bedroom. It is cheesy, old, disgusting tile and I am not complaining about it coming up. Underneath the tile is brown tinted concrete. Who knows when we will get new floors, so I guess we will have concrete for a while. I had no idea this is what we would be doing this weekend. It was not the greatest timing for me. Yesterday afternoon, I somehow pulled a muscle in my groin while packing up the rest of the Christmas stuff (yes, we still had the tree up! HAD - it was finished today.) and it because of that, I was walking differently. And because of walking differently, my back started to hurt. I was in bad shape. I took lots of Motrin last night and was helping with the tile the best I could. We worked on to for over 2 hours last night and made major progress. I managed to sweep up after each row of tiles he pulled up. We have been working since 11am and are in the final stages of what we are doing for today. Yes, I have been photo-ing the progress and photos will be coming soon (either later tonite or tomorrow). We have a get-together to go to tonite, so we are wrapping up early. Yikes!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
double dose of hotness for today
How silly is this?We all have our lame high school photos. I certainly have my own. Some of us get worse, and clearly some of us get better with age.
Just thought it was too funny not to share.
how i feel about it
The Golden Globes are cancelled this year. They were supposed to be this Sunday.
The Christian Science Monitor is reporting that due to the cancellation, there will be about $80 million in lost revenue to the Los Angeles economy.
We forget that this strike by the writers impacts more than just the writers. What about all the service people who work in LA (limo drivers, chefs, hairstylist, etc) who are losing work and money? Not to mention all the people who work on the production crews of the movies and shows. So many people are being affected that it makes me wonder what the Writer's Guild is up to. I understand their issues (mainly more residuals on DVD sales and internet content), but when a whole community is being destroyed, you would think they would not let it drag on and on.
My selfish reasons for being upset about the lack of Golden Globes is that I live for awards shows. The dresses, the fanfare, the ceremony. All of it is what I love. I love Hollywood and all that celebrity stuff. They are taking that away from me.
And you know what, if I were an actor who wins on Sunday, I would be pissed that I was not able to wear my fancy dress and give my acceptance speech. I would feel totally jipped and they should feel that way.
If this strike is not resolved by February 24th, I don't know what I will do!!
The Christian Science Monitor is reporting that due to the cancellation, there will be about $80 million in lost revenue to the Los Angeles economy.
We forget that this strike by the writers impacts more than just the writers. What about all the service people who work in LA (limo drivers, chefs, hairstylist, etc) who are losing work and money? Not to mention all the people who work on the production crews of the movies and shows. So many people are being affected that it makes me wonder what the Writer's Guild is up to. I understand their issues (mainly more residuals on DVD sales and internet content), but when a whole community is being destroyed, you would think they would not let it drag on and on.
My selfish reasons for being upset about the lack of Golden Globes is that I live for awards shows. The dresses, the fanfare, the ceremony. All of it is what I love. I love Hollywood and all that celebrity stuff. They are taking that away from me.
And you know what, if I were an actor who wins on Sunday, I would be pissed that I was not able to wear my fancy dress and give my acceptance speech. I would feel totally jipped and they should feel that way.
If this strike is not resolved by February 24th, I don't know what I will do!!
Enchanted clips
When I went looking for the Ever Ever After video, I found a couple really cool clips from the movie.
True Love's Kiss
Happy Working Song
That's How You Know
If you have not seen this movie, do it now!
True Love's Kiss
Happy Working Song
That's How You Know
If you have not seen this movie, do it now!
daily dose of hotness
out running yesterday
and buying stuff for Duke (the dog)
I have not posted about him in quite some time. Just a little update, then...
He is no longer dating Minka Kelly. :)
Sunday, January 06, 2008
yard work
We have 3 trees in our front yard and they all needed to be trimmed, big time. One is a juniper that was really tall and mostly dead on top. There is also a lemon and orange that had many dead branches. After Chris did the lawn, the yard looked good, but not as good as it could due to all the dead tree parts. Yesterday, he worked his butt off. He cut the juniper down to about 1/3 of its size. We are trying to get it to become a bush, instead of a tree. He also cut the dead parts off the citrus. They look so much better!
He also did something that we were wanting to do for over a year. He took down the stupid fence on the porch. 
In between each of the posts was a wrought iron fence piece. We never liked having it. It made the porch seem small. He finally took it down. He now needs to sand and re-paint to posts and clean up the planter, but it is an instant improvement. Now, in the spring, the planter will become my new container garden. I can't wait to fill it up with flowers and plants, now that I can actually get to it. All that's left in the front, is fixing the wrought iron fence around the yard. It has cheesy medallions (you can see one in the first picture) and missing pieces. We plan on getting rid of all the swirls and medallions and grinding the posts down to even levels and adding new finials.
I am so happy with it. He does all the hard work and I get to enjoy it.
He also did something that we were wanting to do for over a year. He took down the stupid fence on the porch. 
In between each of the posts was a wrought iron fence piece. We never liked having it. It made the porch seem small. He finally took it down. He now needs to sand and re-paint to posts and clean up the planter, but it is an instant improvement. Now, in the spring, the planter will become my new container garden. I can't wait to fill it up with flowers and plants, now that I can actually get to it. All that's left in the front, is fixing the wrought iron fence around the yard. It has cheesy medallions (you can see one in the first picture) and missing pieces. We plan on getting rid of all the swirls and medallions and grinding the posts down to even levels and adding new finials. I am so happy with it. He does all the hard work and I get to enjoy it.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Suns 40th anniversary
Suns broadcast goes retroThursday night's 40th anniversary celebration for the Phoenix-Seattle game will feature many throwback elements, except retro jerseys, but fans watching on My 45 might feel taken back in time even more.
The game broadcast will start in black and white with a grainy-film look and two camera angles. The graphics will have no logos, a huge, basic scoreboard, an in-laid camera shot of the game clock and "instant replay" labels. A Suns dancer will hold billboard advertisements.
In the second quarter, television play-by-play announcer Tom Leander will do radio while Hall of Fame radio voice Al McCoy will join former analyst Greg Schulte on television as the production goes to 1980s color with more angles. After two segments, former announcer George Allen will join Leander and analyst Eddie Johnson.
Gary Bender, who has broadcasted Suns games since 1993, and Channel 10's Jude LaCava, a former Suns broadcaster, will share memories as a normal broadcast returns for the second half.
how rude
This random woman came to my door tonight. I would normally not open the door, but I had left the blinds open and she could see me inside. Whatever. She said she was from some organization that works to improve the neighborhood. She asked if she could come inside and discuss with me the issues in my community. Um? Seriously? I could not believe that this random person just asked to come in to my house. Am I nuts? Seriously? My response to her was, "No. Not tonight." I was trying to be polite, because I know she was just doing what she was told to do. She did not take the hint. This is what she said next: "Do you live here with your parents?" WHAT? She seriously said that. First, you try to invite yourself into my home, then you insult me by thinking I'm a child? My only response was, "No." Then I tried to close the door. She kept on. She asked when would be a good time for her to come back. I knew I would be gone tomorrow afternoon, so I told her that would be a good time. I was so angry, but still trying to be nice. She was really upset that I would not talk to her. This random person was giving me attitude. It really pissed me off. I just closed the door and finally she walked away.
still in a funk
The funk has not gone away. Plus, I feel like crap. Before the holidays, I was feeling bad, but it didn't last long. But now I am so tired and have no energy. I am trying to push thru, but all I want to do is sleep.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
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