Maybe I am just feeling down or giving myself a hard time. But I read other people's blogs and I realize how stupid mine is. What do I post? youtube videos and shit about John Mayer. Why do I do this? A variety of reasons...
1. You have to have a life to write about one
2. I am afraid of being too vulnerable and sharing my feelings
3. Very few people even read this
4. I don't think I am very interesting
So, now that I have established my blog sucks... what am I going to do about it?
I haven't figured that out yet.
This must be part of the whole becoming an adult thing. I feel like my refusal to grow up is just denial and fear. I say my being immature is because I am a kid at heart. But when does it just become immaturity? Augh. I know I am probably being way too hard on myself, but I think I need to have these feelings. I think maybe (GASP!!!) I need to grow up a little bit.
My life has not turned out the way I ever imagined it would be. I am not the person I thought I would be. I keep thinking of myself as the person I thought I would be, instead of the person I actually am. I need to get my shit together. I need to start making changes in my life and dealing with my reality. I am afraid and don't know if I can do this on my own. I think that there is a lot of stuff that I need to deal with before I can move forward. I think my past is holding me back and I know that I am afraid to deal with it all.
This is so much more about me, then my blog. But I feel like my blog represents me and I don't like what I see.
3 comments:
I think most people's lives do not turn out the way they plan... but your life is good! And most people like fun stuff of one kind or another. It's nice that you have things that you enjoy.
I think you are interesting, and I love you.
I totally enjoy reading your blog and seeing your pictures. Please keep blogging. You are interesting to me.
JOAN
I enjoy reading your blog! I know I don't always get over here as often as I would like, but I try. And you're interesting to me, too. :)
And your sister is right - most of our lives don't turn out the way we think they will.
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