I haven't been blogging and don't really have a good reason why not. I guess my main reason is I am still not feeling all that great. But turns out, its mostly my own fault. I feel like I can share here and that getting this all out might make me feel better. I have been to my doctor twice in the last two weeks. He increased my blood pressure medication and gave me a prescription for acid reflux medication (which he thinks was contributing to my chest pains). I have been having trouble sleeping, because I cannot seem to shut my brain off for long enough to fall asleep. I have been so tired lately, but I just can't fall asleep. I had been taking Tylenol PM every night so that I can sleep. The doctor has now prescribed me Ambien so that I can sleep. I also have been having some arm and underarm pain. On Sunday night, we went out the dinner for my mom's birthday and I felt so ill. I seriously thought I might be having a heart attack. I spent the whole meal in the bathroom. I didn't eat. I feel so bad about ruining her birthday dinner, but I didn't know what to do. I went home and went to bed. I felt better yesterday morning, but started having the arm pain while at the doctor's yesterday. I was at the doctor to get test results. I had gone to the lab and had blood drawn and urine tested. Apparently, I am fine. At the doctor's my blood pressure was almost normal. All of my blood work came back fine. My cholesterol was even good. That surprised me. I figured it must be jacked up. The doctor told me that after the full cardiac workup they did on me at the hospital, based on my blood test results and the fact that I am 30 years old, there is no way I was or am going to have a heart attack. Why was I having these pains? Well, after talking it over, we have come to the conclusion that I have anxiety disorder. Slap a name on it and it all suddenly makes sense. Here is something I found on the internet:
Anxiety can be accompanied by a variety of physical symptoms. Most commonly, these symptoms are related to the heart, lungs, nervous, and gastrointestinal systems. You may have upset stomach, diarrhea, trouble breathing, feel as if you may faint or are having a heart attack.
Interesting. Today, I went to a gastroenterologist. My primary care doctor wanted me to go. Apparently all these things that are happening to me are related. My blood pressure causing my anxiety, my anxiety causing me intestinal pain. My intestinal pain being my newly diagnosed IBS. My chest pains being caused by reflux, from the IBS. It's all related. So... anxiety disorder, IBS, lactose intolerance, hypertension. My new diagnoses. I am not taking anything for all the conditions, except the hypertension. I need to stay on the blood pressure medication probably for the rest of my life. My doctor does not want to get me on anti-anxiety meds if we can help it. He told me to sit with it for 2 weeks and see if I start to feel better. The gastroenterologist (from here on out called "the gastro") scheduled me to have a colonoscopy. He does not believe that I have colon cancer, but based on my symptoms (which I choose to not mention all of here) and my family history, he wants to rule it out. I have the pleasure of that experience in two weeks. All of this is really good news, ultimately. It means there really isn't anything major wrong with me. Then why do I still feel shitty? I am making myself ill. I have such a fear that something is wrong with me and for some reason I refuse to believe the doctors. I am manifesting symptoms of what I fear might happen to me. My brain is a powerful freaking thing. I need to deal with this anxiety. I have known that I have stress and have been depressed for most of my adolescence. I have had a rough few years emotionally and apparently things were much worse than I ever thought. It is so much more than I can deal with. If I am making myself sick, I need some help. That is the next step. This is a lot to share. Who really likes to admit that they need professional help? But I do. I know it. It has never been more clear to me. I have gone to a counselor in the past, but that was in high school. Life is so different now and I need new ways to cope. That's what I need. First, to cope. Second, to deal. Third, to move on. Forth, to live again. All of this doctor stuff is so much for me, but its good to rule things out. You can't begin to cope or deal until you know what is or is not wrong with you.
1 comment:
I used to have anxiety attacks, and I still have them every now and then. I didn't do anti-anxiety medication, intead I went to see a psychologist. There is a specific treatment for anxiety (or at least the kind that I had) that actually does work. So that might be an option you want to look at. The treatment was mainly learning how to cope with the anxiety attacks and work through them. And finally, they became fewer and fewer. And nowadays, it takes a lot and usually something very specific to trigger them for me. So, something you might want to look into.
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