fate

Things really do happen for a reason. People come in to your life when they are supposed to. Fate. Whatever you want to call it. It really exists. But I also believe that things happen when you take risks. Go outside your comfort zone and watch what happens. Things you never imagined, but were meant to happen. I know I am speaking in vague terms here. But I fear that making a specific reference might somehow sour the message. But I guess I am not the first person to have these theories. I just feel really strongly about this. There are so many reasons in my life to feel that way.

In my early teens, I tried really hard to make a boyfriend happen. I liked a guy, tried to get him to like me and after awhile of it failing, moved on to someone new. On and on, this went. No success what so ever. I was trying to make it happen. When I finally decided to stop trying, I did something I wouldn't normally do... took a chance... and it happened. It didn't just happen, I found the love of my life. My soul mate. My other half. I honestly had told myself that I wasn't gonna try to find a boyfriend anymore. Then, even after finding out that he was moving across the country in a few months, I gave a guy my phone number. I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to do it. But it was not something that I had ever done before. Never been so direct. It was not just outside my comfort zone, it wasn't even in the same neighborhood. But I gave him my phone number and told him to call me. That was almost 16 years ago. Best thing that ever happened to me. He came along right when he was supposed to. Right when I was ready and open for it. But had I not made that one move, my life would be completely different. There is no greater example than that, but there are other smaller things that have proven the theory to me.

Something as simple as watching American Idol on a February evening. I had been going thru a lot, physically and emotionally. A panic attack had gotten me in to the hospital with chest pains and blood pressure high enough to give me a stroke. Then I saw a gorgeous face, dreadlocks and a voice that pierced my soul. Life changed in that moment. Jason Castro came along right when I needed him. I need joy in my life and there it was. But more than just that... I finally decided I needed to delve in to the world of American  Idol. I have written here before about my feeling for that show, but this was the rare moment that I felt compelled. I felt like there must be other people out there that felt the same way I do about Jason. I went to the forums and started posting. I had never done that before in my life. Never really even been to a forum before. I took that brave step to post on the forum and the flood gates opened. I met some of the most important people in my life. Not only did I find people who thought like me, I found best friends. People I went on to start our own forum with. Start a forum... after hardly even being on one in my life. A forum for people who felt like I did. For people who came into my life when I needed a friend more than anything. When I needed to laugh and lust after a hot 21 year, blue eyed man. That was almost 2 years ago. These people are not my online friends. They are my friends. People I would stand in front of us bus for. Because I was down, I watched the show. Because of the show, I found Jason. Because of Jason, I found friends for a lifetime. All happened for a reason. All at the right time. All because I took a risk.

More? I've got more. Its also Jason Castro related, but most of my life is now. hehe

Going to see Jason in concert for the first time (not counting the AI tour), brought me to discover NEEDTOBREATHE (from now on referred to as NTB). Funny how that happened. I went to Jason in Tucson. I drove 2 hours, in the rain, all by myself. I was determined to see him, so I wasn't gonna let the fact that I really hate driving at night and the rain, keep me from going. That whole outside my comfort zone thing. Prior to seeing him that night, I had tried all weekend long to win tickets to a radio show that he was performing at, the next day. It was in Phoenix and I wanted to go so badly. I had gotten so close to winning. Actually was caller 24, when they were looking for 25. I was so upset that I didn't win, I took to twitter to beg. It was not pretty. I was begging everyone I could think of to get me to that show. After Jason's performance in Tucson, he came out to meet with the fans. I was talking to him, which was surreal all in its self, and he remembered that I had asked him about something on twitter. The radio show. I've told this story before, but it helps move the story along. He remembered and hooked me up with getting into the show. Begging on twitter was not something I was proud of, or something I would have ever usually done. But hey... look where it got me? Taking the risk of driving down to see Jason... being brave enough to talk to him... got me to the radio show. Had none of that happened, I would have never heard of or fallen in love with NTB. I had no idea that there was gonna be 4 acts at the show. I knew Jason and Ryan Star (which is a whole story unto itself), but didn't know the rest would be there. I had actually never even heard of NTB before. They performed 2nd in the show and knocked the wind out of me. I was still in my Jason haze and wasn't really open to anything new. I had a one track mind. But sometimes things come along that you least expect. There it is again. That whole fate thing. NTB have won me over. They did the first time I heard them and have been ever since. Not mentioning the cute boy who introduced himself to me factor... They are an amazing band with heart and soul, not to mention bucket loads of talent. I cannot stop listening to them. They bring me such joy. Found Jason and found joy. Now, because of Jason I found more joy. He's like the gift that keeps on giving. 

I think I can take some of the credit too. I did things that are out of character and look at me now? Being brave is slowly becoming part of my character. I am changing and its for the better. I am taking risks and those risks are paying off in spades. I only wish that I was braver, earlier. I had signs of it, back when I met Chris. But I went back into my shy shell. The shell that kept me safe, but stagnant. I need to trust this fate thing more. Fate. God. Whatever you want to call it. Whatever it is, I am finding strength in it. There are times where taking the risk does not pay off. I've got plenty of those stories too. But more often than not, you can find the good. Realize what the reason was for something happening to you. What you wanted to happen, didn't, but that ends up being a good thing. It just might take some time to realize it. Like I said, I am not the first person to come up with this. I am just in a good place right now, surrounded by joy, and I often ponder about the reasons why. This is what keeps coming up. I have a smile on my face, because my husband is sleeping peacefully. Because of Jason's smile. Because of NTB songs on repeat. Because my family is happy, after a long time of sadness. Because of fate. Because I dared to do something.