Every year, I set myself up for disappointment. I have all the hopes in the world that this year, my birthday will be something super special and I am always disappointed. Let me explain a little. What I mean is not that I am disappointed with the birthday that I do have, I just set my own expectations so high that no one can live up to them. I always get gifts and cake and some fun stuff, but I create this ideal in my head and it never happens. Why, I don't know. I really just want something so special. I want to feel special for at least one day out the year. I want people to make big deal out of me. I want people to treat me the way I treat them. I know that you aren't supposed to want that. You are supposed to treat people the way you want them to treat you, but not be upset when that doesn't happen. But I get upset when that doesn't happen. See, I set myself up. I also feel like sometimes I am taken for granted. I am always around, kind to people, thoughtful, never forget a holiday, always thank people for the kindness they show me and gifts I receive...
No, I am not perfect. Far from it. I just struggle with this issue so much and it all culminates on my birthday.
People are going to misinterpret this. I can hear it now. I am not saying that I don't love the birthdays that I have had. I do. I just struggle with my own need for more.
1 comment:
I think I know what you mean about setting yourself up in this way. I've set similar traps for myself, too. If I might say, the answer you propose to your why question seems to be more of a what answer--you're still describing how you set yourself up. I think you might return to this question of why, and see if coming up with a clearer answer to that question lets you see a way to avoid the trap in the future? Just a suggestion, and I hope it doesn't fall into the category of misinterpreting your post.
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