tomorrow

The American Idol concert is tomorrow night. While I am beyond excited, I am melancholy too. I mildly regret not stalking Jason, especially because I know where they are staying. Earlier today, I thought about stalking tonite, but I now have a headache and I am really tired. I need to be ready for tomorrow. People have been giving me crap about not trying to meet him and some people even went so far as to call me chicken. I am not chicken, I am realistic. It's about the music anyway, right?

f***

I was just sitting on the couch enjoying a evening chat with my friends when I saw something on the floor under the floor lamp. At first I thought it was a roach, because I saw one last night. But then I noticed a tail. F*** It was a mouse. It then ran under the bookcase and behind the entertainment center. I screamed and woke up Chris. He said, "What do you want me to do about it now?" YIKES!

why not today?

You have anniversarys, birthdays and even Valentines Day... but why not tell the person you love them on a random day in June?

Chris, I love you more and more every day. You are the biggest pain in my ass, but the brightest light in my life. I knew fourteen years ago and I still know now. My life would not be complete without you in it.

Every word of this song is true:

look at those eyes

Our friend's baby gets more gorgeous every time I see a new picture!
Scarlett Aurora - age: 20 months

um....

Funny face, I know. But somebody's been working out!!!source

song in my head 06/26/08

Madness by Alanis Morissette

doi

Customer: Steven
Me: with a "v" or a "ph"
Customer: with an "s"

suck

I like to call this, drive by blogging...

Guess what just happened to me? The elastic popped on the sleeve of my shirt. I am stuck at work with a sleeve that is all stretched out and you can now see my arm pit. Freaking lovely.

ok... some health stuff

I finally got the results of the glucose test I did 3 weeks ago. The good news... I do not have diabetes. woo hoo! I am really happy about this. That means I still have time to try to prevent this from happening. I am taking this motivation and running with it.
I did get some bad news, but nothing I didn't already know. My insulin level is high, so I still have insulin resistance. And I have a Vitamin D deficiency. The doctor wants me to take a supplement to fix that. What is one more pill?

he didn't stand us up!!

My poor blog as gone from all John Mayer all the time, to depressing heath stuff, to now all Jason Castro all the time. Oh well. You can deal.

Sooooo... it's Tuesday night and it's date night. Here is the bulletin he posted on myspace:

Date: Jun 24, 2008 7:39 PM
Subject: i just put on some cologne

time for our date! haha i just posted the new video...i dont know if its showing up just yet... bear with me im learning things as i go...like the fact that its already 10:30 on the east coast..who picks up their date at 10:30?! my baddd. haha today wasnt too eventful...as you will notice in my vid. haha but this week coming up is gonna be huuugeeee!!!! im taking notes to share everything. yessss.

ttyl!

jasonnn.

and the video:


He leaves me gasping for air...

no sleep tonite

Just when I thought I was gonna be able to get some sleep tonite... that damn Jason Castro goes and posts a vlog.

I really do not know if it is possible for him to be any cuter. If it happens, I just might pass out and die. Seriously... date night? And the smile at the end... knocked me unconscious. Boy am I ever smitten!

8 DAYS!! oh.my.god!


edited to add: Who am I kidding? It is WAY beyond smitten. Smitten does not set up a website in their honor. Yes. I said it. I am hopeless. But, I have been smiling all day... so it can't be that bad, right?

irresistible object vs. immovable force

This is for my sister... for two reasons.
1. Because she kept saying this to me over and over yesterday and making me laugh.
2. Because she has taken the time to really try to understand me and I appreciate that more than she will ever know.

flavors of entanglement

The new Alanis Morissette album came out this past Tuesday and I love it. This is the first full album that I have purchased on itunes. How I feel about the album is the same I felt of the last couple Alanis albums. The first time I listen, I don't get it at all. But the more I listen to the complete album, I get it and understand it and love it. Right now, my favorite tracks are Straitjacket, Tapes and one of the bonus tracks Madness. But each time I hear a song, I have a new respect for her. She is an amazing song writer and my musical hero.

1st official day of summer

song in my head 06/19/08

Walking On Air by Kerli

daniel!!

Suns fill out coaching staff
Suns lead assistant Alvin Gentry will return to that role and work a fifth season on Phoenix's coaching staff, which now will include Suns fan favorite Dan Majerle, former All-Star center and head coach Bill Cartwright and Porter colleague Igor Kokoskov.

If you don't already know, Daniel Lewis Majerle III was one of my first obsessions!

take your dog to work day

Tomorrow is Take Your Dog To Work Day. Who even knew this existed?

Too bad I don't work tomorrow...

oh and I don't have a dog.

nothing around but the sound of my heart and your sighs

My poor neglected blog.

I got a freakin forum to run! But I have learned a big lesson with this new forum. Delegate. I have never been good at this. I know how it should be done and dammit, I will do it right myself. That is sooooo not a good attitude. But I have been getting so overwhelmed just getting the forum set up, that when it came to "mod"ing it, there was no way I could handle it. We now have all our mods (people to watch over it and make sure people are not breaking the rules) assigned and we are getting ready to open it up to the world. So, I have been delegating. I have been using the talents of my lovely friends. Asking for people to write things up, asking people to make graphics. I trust these girls, so why not trust that they will do a good job? That takes a lot for me to do that, but I have been in the last couple days and it has really been working.

Many people have asked in recent days... How long do you think the forum will last? I mean, how long can you talk about Jason Castro? Well first... he hasn't fallen off the earth. So until he has, we will have things to talk about. All summer long there is the tour (13 DAYS!!!). Then after that, hopefully a long career. We were all here at the beginning and ain't going no wheres!

i did it

I, along with soooo much help from Chris, successfully launched a forum for my friends and I to use. It was a ton of work, but as of right now, there are over 20 users and the site is holding up fine. When we launched it to the group around 9:30pm tonite, I was so sick to my stomach. I was terrified that it would crash. But so far so good. I am so tired, but I am really excited and proud of myself. But I will say again, there is no way I could have done this without Chris's help. Thanks, dear.

happy father's day

cupcake purse!

This purse was in the Sex and the City movie! I love it and want to own it! Anyone have an extra $4300?

Read this.

um...

From OK! magazine:
"John is good in bed," a pal of the 30-year old singer-songwriter tells OK!. "Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry."

i'm not who i was

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and things and whatnot. Mainly because I am starting therapy tomorrow. I have already been to the shrink, but he is mostly just for diagnosis and meds. Tomorrow, I meet with the therapist for "talk therapy." I guess I am getting prepared. But I feel like I have changed a lot recently. I think it comes from finding people I can really talk to and people who understand me. I have made friends for the first time in a really long time and I love them. Sure, they are online, but that does not make them any less of a friend. I talk to them more than I would talk to my real life friends, anyway. I actually talk to many of them on the phone too. Talked to Colleen for over an hour last night. That being said, making friends is good for the soul. Having people that get you is really refreshing. Sure my family and Chris get me, but it is different. I am not sure that the changes I see in myself are strictly based on meeting new people. I think that I am dealing with difficult situations much better than I used to. The whole thing with my dad has been really difficult, but I am dealing and trying to stay positive.
Wait, I am taking anti-depressants, aren't I? Does that explain it all away? I don't really think so. I have a "med check" appointment on Monday and I don't know what to say. Do I think the pills are working? I have no idea? I don't really notice a major difference. But I know that I have not really been totally depressed lately. I have been in angry moods, but that is just normal stuff. Anxiety? Not really. I think I stayed really calm while dealing with my dad in the hospital. I did not freak out at all and haven't. That is really the most major thing to deal with lately and I am dealing well.
I like who I am now. I think that is a major thing for me to say. For the longest time, I didn't. I felt fake and that I put on acts for people. I wanted so badly for people to like me. And when that wasn't happening, I was hating myself and wanted to die. Yes, I said that and I meant it. Then I just got in a funk and didn't care about much at all and had no hope in life left. I guess its true that when you stop caring if people like you, you meet people who do. It's strange to think that had I not watched American Idol, seen Jason Castro, gone online on that particular day, posted in that thread on the forum and gotten banned, I would not be where I am today. My friends and I have called it fate and I actually believe that to be the case. I have even said that Jason and his music have saved my life. That may sound really silly, but all that has happened as a result has changed me and gave me a renewed sense of myself and that life is worth living.

cracks me up

such cuteness!
shopping in the mall... photo taken by his little sister, Jackie

...working on getting the site up!

...18 days til the show!!!!

random tv stuff

I am soooo happy that Stephanie won Top Chef! She deserved to win!! I was very happy. Actually as long as it wasn't Lisa, I would have been happy.

Ice Road Truckers is the shit. I love that show and I am so glad that season two started. Driving on the ocean now? That is just nuts!

Another show that I am really into is I Survived on the Biography channel. The most recent episode was about the Virginia Tech shootings and that bridge collapse last summer in Wisconsin. That was the first episode of national news story stories. It is such dramatic show, but at least you know, as the people describe what happened, that they did survive.

I have not yet gotten into So You Think You Can Dance. I am still pissed at Nigel Lythgoe and don't really feel like looking at him right about now. I should set it to record so I won't miss anymore. But this is funny... Someone posted a sign in the stairwell at work that says: VOTE TWITCH.

song in my head 06/12/08

Sweet and Low by Augustana
I really like this song a lot! It's in my head, because I keep playing it over and over. hehe

things that make me happy...

homeless... at least for now

Everyday for almost two months, I have met my friends online and talked all night long. But tonight will probably be the first night I haven't. Why? Our thread/section of the forum that we post in is being shut down. It is kinda complicated as to why, but let's just say, some other forum members signed a petition to get us kicked off. The administrator's hands were tied. We knew that we were hanging by a thread, because a couple weeks ago, we got moved. But now it is over. So... my closest friends and I met online last night and decided the thing to do was to start our own forum. That way we can be ourselves and no one can kick us off. This ousting will be the 3rd place we have been kicked out of. It makes no sense to me either. But I guess you will have that. So, I have taken on the task of getting the new site and forum set up. Of all of us, I am the one with the most technical knowledge. Actually, most of my knowledge comes from Chris and I have begged him to help me to at least get the domain and host set up. I think I can manage it once it's set up. He made a temporary forum last night, so I feel good that we can make this work. We are so excited. We are sad to leave the place that we have called home for a long time. But this time, we are excited, not mad. Our little crew has really become like a family and we need our own home. We have grown larger than the old forum can handle. The way I tried to explain it to people is that as you grow up, you need to leave the nest and branch out on your own. That is what we are doing. We are forever going to be the black sheep of the dreadhead family (oh, yeah. This is still the Jason Castro boards I am talking about.), but we are moving out of their house. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to most people. I cannot really make you understand. I have tried too hard to make people understand and it still does not work. But I have made the greatest friends and we enjoy each others company. Anyway... I have a lot of work ahead of me and I am sure, a lot of fighting with Chris... but it will be worth it. Maybe I will share it when it's done... or maybe not. Gotta keep some secrets...

i need to own this

Hello Kitty cactus!!!

some things just need to be said...

I wear their face on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen
For your blindly fueled rage
I bare the brunt of your long buried pain
I don't mind helping you out
But I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Past riddled rage
I see the buttons I engage
With my dignity in place
I'm all too happy to assuage

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

Lest I find my voice
Find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I stay to my limit
And only take on what is mine to

We are a team
I'm here to help mend and re-seam
All I trigger unknowingly
A job I hold in high esteem

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you, but I won't take it all on
I'll only take some of it

song in my head 06/08/08

9 In The Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco

this is what it's like when your parents get old

Because life was just calming down... more drama!

On Sunday night, my mom called me and said that my father fell and was on his way to the hospital. He broke his right arm and injured his hip. The bone actually broke thru the skin. I immediately left home and drove to the hospital. When I got there, he was still in the trauma room and his arm was not wrapped up yet. I saw it in all its glory. Ultimately, he ended up having emergency surgery on his arm. It was a compound fracture. He had a plate and 6 screws put in one bone and a wire thru the other to try to force it heal. He also micro-fractured his right hip. He has to keep his weight off of it and it should heal on its own. He was lucky it was not a major hip fracture! I was at the hospital until 4:30am on Monday morning. I stayed with my mom until my dad got out of surgery. The sun was up when I got home. It was a horrible situation. He was in the hospital until today. He did not come home, though. He was moved to a live-in rehab place. He is having trouble sitting up and walking because of the hip. So, they decided that rehab is the best thing for him. As much as he wants to go home, there is no way that my mom could give him all the help he needs. Not that she doesn't want to, but she just can't. He needs full time attention until he is up and walking again. Getting out of the hospital is a good thing. It's progress. But only time will tell in the whole recovery. He is gonna be out of work for a long time.

The whole thing really sucks. As my sister said today, this is what it's like when your parents get old. We both feel so helpless for different reasons. I feel bad that I live close and haven't been able to visit him more and she feels bad that she lives so far away and can't visit him. There really isn't anything we can do. But it's really hard to see your parent in the hospital. It makes me feel so old and helpless.

hi. my name is laura and i am a castroaholic

song in my head 06/05/08

Fragile - words by Sting - sung by Jason Castro
I had the spanish part in my head all day, on repeat. I hate when that happens. Its just a part of the song, over and over. Love the song and the singer, but that gets annoying.