Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
mortality
I have been thinking about this a lot lately.
My mom told me that yesterday it was 25 years since my Gramps (her father) died. 25 years ago. I know I was little when it happened, but I never realized how young. I was 6 years old. My Nana (mom's mother) died before my Gramps did. It was a lot of death for a little kid.
Tomorrow it will be a year since my uncle (mom's brother) died.
My mother's sister is in the hospital right now with blood clots in her neck and superior vena cava (vein to the heart). She also has cancer and type 1 diabetes. She has been in and out of the hospital for over a year. She is not well.
All of these things, in addition to the death of my family, have caused me to question my own mortality. Death is a natural progression of life. If people didn't die, you would never appreciate them. But death means a change. And death is often a surprise. You are going about your life, then suddenly someone or something is gone. How do you get over that? Life as you knew it will never be the same.
Gosh... all this sounds so cliche. I don't really know what I am trying to say. Death sucks. Change sucks.
It's been a year since I started dealing with my issues. Anxiety. Depression. Physical problems. Started taking medication for all those things. Started therapy. Need it now, more than ever. I am better now then I was this time last year. Last year, I thought I was gonna die. I wanted to die. I know I will die. But now, I don't want that to happen so soon. I think I'd like to live a little more.
I have "life" tattooed on my right wrist to remind myself that I really do want to live. It's easy to fall into depression and convince yourself there are other options to living. But now I have a permanent reminder that life is better answer.
I will die. What's gonna happen before then? I have no idea.
sorry if this post made no sense...
My mom told me that yesterday it was 25 years since my Gramps (her father) died. 25 years ago. I know I was little when it happened, but I never realized how young. I was 6 years old. My Nana (mom's mother) died before my Gramps did. It was a lot of death for a little kid.
Tomorrow it will be a year since my uncle (mom's brother) died.
My mother's sister is in the hospital right now with blood clots in her neck and superior vena cava (vein to the heart). She also has cancer and type 1 diabetes. She has been in and out of the hospital for over a year. She is not well.
All of these things, in addition to the death of my family, have caused me to question my own mortality. Death is a natural progression of life. If people didn't die, you would never appreciate them. But death means a change. And death is often a surprise. You are going about your life, then suddenly someone or something is gone. How do you get over that? Life as you knew it will never be the same.
Gosh... all this sounds so cliche. I don't really know what I am trying to say. Death sucks. Change sucks.
It's been a year since I started dealing with my issues. Anxiety. Depression. Physical problems. Started taking medication for all those things. Started therapy. Need it now, more than ever. I am better now then I was this time last year. Last year, I thought I was gonna die. I wanted to die. I know I will die. But now, I don't want that to happen so soon. I think I'd like to live a little more.
I have "life" tattooed on my right wrist to remind myself that I really do want to live. It's easy to fall into depression and convince yourself there are other options to living. But now I have a permanent reminder that life is better answer.
I will die. What's gonna happen before then? I have no idea.
sorry if this post made no sense...
hollywood's biggest day
Tomorrow (technically today) is the Academy Awards. A great day for me; an awards show junkie. This year, I thought that I wasn't gonna be able to see all the movies nominated for best picture, but I managed to get that done. I've seen all 5.
Frost/Nixon (or Frost/Slumdog as my sister referred to it today. hehehe)
The Reader
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire
My pick for Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. It is not only the best movie of the year, but it is one of the best movies I have ever seen. It is definitely in my top 5 movies of all time.
I cannot wait for tomorrow night. I will not be blogging the show, because I just want to sit back and enjoy it. (But don't hold me to that. As I'm watching I might get snarky and feel like blogging it.) I can't wait for the red carpet either. The best of the best. Look for my best & worst dressed either tomorrow night or Monday morning. Woo Hoo!!
My pick for Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. It is not only the best movie of the year, but it is one of the best movies I have ever seen. It is definitely in my top 5 movies of all time.
I cannot wait for tomorrow night. I will not be blogging the show, because I just want to sit back and enjoy it. (But don't hold me to that. As I'm watching I might get snarky and feel like blogging it.) I can't wait for the red carpet either. The best of the best. Look for my best & worst dressed either tomorrow night or Monday morning. Woo Hoo!!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
12 out of 36 - round 1 - results
Not blogging it... these results shows are a waste of air time.
IN: Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver, & Danny Gokey
good things: Tatiana did not make it and if there is a God, will not be a Wild Card either. Alexis was the best girl of the night. At least they got that one right.
bad things: Michael made it? WTF?? He was not good. He scares me. But America loves a hard workin' family man. This is sooooo not a singing competition. Anoop!!! What happened America? Please let him be the Wild Card.
IN: Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver, & Danny Gokey
good things: Tatiana did not make it and if there is a God, will not be a Wild Card either. Alexis was the best girl of the night. At least they got that one right.
bad things: Michael made it? WTF?? He was not good. He scares me. But America loves a hard workin' family man. This is sooooo not a singing competition. Anoop!!! What happened America? Please let him be the Wild Card.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
12 out of 36 - round 1
Guess I am watching Idol the year. I wish I could deny it, but it just sucks you in. So tonight was the first group of 12. Gonna blog it as I watch it:
Jackie Tohn - What the holy heck was that? She's a nut job and she sounded so weird. Can't really explain it.
These couch interviews before and after bore the crap out of me.
Ricky Braddy - Is he singing, cuz i tuned it out? They liked it? huh. It was just boring to me.
Alexis Grace - cute baby. I actually kinda liked her performance. Got lipstick on the mike, then it transferred to her chin and her arm. hehe. Simon compared her to Kelly. That's crazy.
That's a fancy mike they gave em this year.
Brent Keith - the guy with 2 first names. Hicktown?? Just say no-town. Comparing him to Bucky is not a compliment.
Ryan in the Mister Rogers sweater is bothering me.
Stevie Wright - Nice try with the lower register, but no. Hell, all the other registers of her voice are bad too. How did she make it this far? Yotally sounds karaoke.
NPH is the crowd (and Ted Danson, but who cares) is the coolest thing. Ryan trying to talk to the families while the contestants come up is totally lame. Its chaos. And also makes the contestants look like children. "Here's my mommy and daddy." dumb
Anoop Desai - He is hilarious without trying to be funny, which is always a good thing. He's good and i actually agree with Paula that he sounded like Bryan McKnight. I hope he makes it thru, cuz he is one of the few i can handle watching.
Oh yeah... Where is the band? Are they hiding? Or are they using pre-recorded music?
Casey Carlson - Too sorority pretty and she is trying WAY too hard. Her mouth is freaking huge. Oh lord... This is killing me. Make it stop. *resists urge to fast forward* If she makes it, its based on looks only.
Michael Sarver - This is such a good song, but this dude scares me. I keep putting my hands up in front of my face in fear. *closes eyes* Nope, not any better without looking.
As much as i want to hate Simon... He's usually right.
Anne Marie Boskovich - Crazy when the judges ask them how they think they did. Not a good sign. I thought it wasn't terrible, but boring.
btw... All the top 24 (this year, top 36) Idols get their teeth whitened by the show. Just a random tidbit that I've acquired.
Stephen Fowler - I don't like his voice. It's nasally. He won't make it.
Is this show biased?? Duh. Saving Danny for the end is so damn obvious. And saving Tatiana for the end so that she gets booted is obvious too. I hate this show. They aren't even subtle anymore.
Tatiana Del Toro - Good lord, she's singing Whitney. Agree with Simon... better than expected. But she is still freaking crazy. Rubbing on Ryan's arm is so damn creepy. ick. If she stays, its for entertainment value. If she stays, shoot me.
Danny Gokey - Does it even matter what I think? He's gonna make it. Bet on that.
Listen. I run a fansite for a former Idol contestant. I have no room to judge anyone when it comes to Idol. I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to this show. It annoys the crap out of me, but it has brought so many wonderful things and people into my life. After last year, I swore I would never watch it again. But as I said, it sucks you in. But you have to take this show with a huge grain of salt. As long as you understand that its rigged beyond belief, you may be able to enjoy the show. Just don't be naive to think that your favorite contestant will make it thru, unless they are TPTB's favorite too. Don't jump on bandwagons, either. That's what they want you to do. [/soapbox]
Jackie Tohn - What the holy heck was that? She's a nut job and she sounded so weird. Can't really explain it.
These couch interviews before and after bore the crap out of me.
Ricky Braddy - Is he singing, cuz i tuned it out? They liked it? huh. It was just boring to me.
Alexis Grace - cute baby. I actually kinda liked her performance. Got lipstick on the mike, then it transferred to her chin and her arm. hehe. Simon compared her to Kelly. That's crazy.
That's a fancy mike they gave em this year.
Brent Keith - the guy with 2 first names. Hicktown?? Just say no-town. Comparing him to Bucky is not a compliment.
Ryan in the Mister Rogers sweater is bothering me.
Stevie Wright - Nice try with the lower register, but no. Hell, all the other registers of her voice are bad too. How did she make it this far? Yotally sounds karaoke.
NPH is the crowd (and Ted Danson, but who cares) is the coolest thing. Ryan trying to talk to the families while the contestants come up is totally lame. Its chaos. And also makes the contestants look like children. "Here's my mommy and daddy." dumb
Anoop Desai - He is hilarious without trying to be funny, which is always a good thing. He's good and i actually agree with Paula that he sounded like Bryan McKnight. I hope he makes it thru, cuz he is one of the few i can handle watching.
Oh yeah... Where is the band? Are they hiding? Or are they using pre-recorded music?
Casey Carlson - Too sorority pretty and she is trying WAY too hard. Her mouth is freaking huge. Oh lord... This is killing me. Make it stop. *resists urge to fast forward* If she makes it, its based on looks only.
Michael Sarver - This is such a good song, but this dude scares me. I keep putting my hands up in front of my face in fear. *closes eyes* Nope, not any better without looking.
As much as i want to hate Simon... He's usually right.
Anne Marie Boskovich - Crazy when the judges ask them how they think they did. Not a good sign. I thought it wasn't terrible, but boring.
btw... All the top 24 (this year, top 36) Idols get their teeth whitened by the show. Just a random tidbit that I've acquired.
Stephen Fowler - I don't like his voice. It's nasally. He won't make it.
Is this show biased?? Duh. Saving Danny for the end is so damn obvious. And saving Tatiana for the end so that she gets booted is obvious too. I hate this show. They aren't even subtle anymore.
Tatiana Del Toro - Good lord, she's singing Whitney. Agree with Simon... better than expected. But she is still freaking crazy. Rubbing on Ryan's arm is so damn creepy. ick. If she stays, its for entertainment value. If she stays, shoot me.
Danny Gokey - Does it even matter what I think? He's gonna make it. Bet on that.
Listen. I run a fansite for a former Idol contestant. I have no room to judge anyone when it comes to Idol. I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to this show. It annoys the crap out of me, but it has brought so many wonderful things and people into my life. After last year, I swore I would never watch it again. But as I said, it sucks you in. But you have to take this show with a huge grain of salt. As long as you understand that its rigged beyond belief, you may be able to enjoy the show. Just don't be naive to think that your favorite contestant will make it thru, unless they are TPTB's favorite too. Don't jump on bandwagons, either. That's what they want you to do. [/soapbox]
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
congrats hotness
This is delayed due to my not feeling so well the last couple days, but its never too late to honor the hotness. The 2 Grammys he won brings his total to 7. Amazing. He deserves each and every one. And he is selfless enough to say that he believed one of his Grammys belongs to Jason Mraz. I know many people believe that John is a douchebag. I get that. He does not do much to make you think otherwise. But no matter what you think of him personally, you cannot deny his musical talent. And for the record, I don't think he's a douchebag at all.Red Carpet-Palooza!
photo source
Monday, February 09, 2009
2009 Grammys - worst dressed
The problem with the Grammys is that there are soooo many hot messes that it's hard to narrow it down to just a few. There really could be a million pictures included in this post. But, i tried to keep it to some of the worst.
I feel bad about including M.I.A. because I love her (Paper Planes is one of my favorite songs!!) and she is 9 months pregnant. But just because you are pregnant, does not mean you have to look like a clown.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
devastation
It's taken me this long to feel like talking about it. When the Cardinals lost the Super Bowl, I was completely crushed. Wait, let me go back a little. During the game, I was on an emotional roller coaster. The worst was actually when they took the lead in the 4th quarter. I burst into tears, got up and ran and hid in the hallway. I kept asking Chris if it had really happened. He had to remind me to breathe. I cried thru a lot of the game. I was a wreck. When the game ended, I didn't cry. I was in shock. Some people thought I was crazy for being so emotionally involved. It's very hard for me to explain. I just love football and as I've said, been a Cardinals fan for so long. I was so proud and yet so sad. Then I got angry. I would go thru the game in my mind and saying, "Why didn't they do this and that."
Why did they try to run the ball in the first half against the best defense in the NFL?
Why did they not get into their passing game until the 4th quarter?
Where the hell was the defense other than near the end zone?
They killed themselves with all the damn penalties.
I really wish I could say that they did their best, but lost. But they didn't and that makes it very hard to swallow.
I will always will be a proud Cardinals fan. I just hate that they made it all the way to the Super Bowl and people still think it was fluke. Like they got lucky or something, instead of them being a good team. All they can do now is keep this team together and prove the skeptics wrong next year.
I am mostly ok now. This was just 20 years in the making for me and it was not the outcome I was hoping for.
Why did they try to run the ball in the first half against the best defense in the NFL?
Why did they not get into their passing game until the 4th quarter?
Where the hell was the defense other than near the end zone?
They killed themselves with all the damn penalties.
I really wish I could say that they did their best, but lost. But they didn't and that makes it very hard to swallow.
I will always will be a proud Cardinals fan. I just hate that they made it all the way to the Super Bowl and people still think it was fluke. Like they got lucky or something, instead of them being a good team. All they can do now is keep this team together and prove the skeptics wrong next year.
I am mostly ok now. This was just 20 years in the making for me and it was not the outcome I was hoping for.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
are you ready for some...
This is it. Today is the day. I am so excited. I can tell you I will cry when the players are announced. This is our day. Our time. Our destiny. My childhood dream come true. Let's do this!
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