i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack

Does this look like the blog of a grown up? It is supposed to now. That is because growing up is something I need to do.
This has been a very difficult year. So much death, grief, sorrow. It has forced me in to a shell. Actually that's not true. I have been in this shell of depression for a long time. This year feels like the door was locked and the key was thrown away. I haven't been able to see a way out. I still don't. I am losing everything. I do not know how to shake all this.
My only option appears to be JUST DO IT.
cuz that's easy.
I have fought it for far too long. The way I am living now is not only failing, but keeping me down emotionally. For the longest, I was able to still find happiness amongst it all. That has now become impossible. It got more difficult over time, but I wasn't able to see it slipping away. I only notice it now that it is gone.
So I am back at the beginning. The whole "JUST DO IT" thing. It is so much easier said than done.
I am using this again as a place to vent. That is my first step. That might not seem like a lot and I know its not enough, but it is a start. Getting my feelings out. Expressing myself. Saying what I really feel.
What comes next? I have no idea.